Elements of Discipline

[Copper Loosebrain 31]

I got an awesome fan fic idea, but could do with help fleshing it out...

 

So, let's say, that, when Sombre was in power over the Crystal Kingdom, he had a team of six elite Crystal Colt lackeys, who wielded...

 

The Elements of Discipline

 

The Spark: The Drive

The will to make every pony do what you want no matter what you have to do to them.

 

Generosity: Bribery

Finding out what ponies want, taking it, using it to drive them.

 

Honesty : Manipulation

The use of carefully dripped information and misinformation, propaganda, political spin.

 

Laughter : Criticism

Sometimes you've just got to skip the fancy words and tact, be forthright, and hammer your will into a ponies' brain with a good, simple shout about everything they're doing wrong.

 

Kindness: Punishment

In order to keep 'em in line, you gotta keep 'em scared, make examples of those who fail you, disobey you, lie to you and so forth.

 

Loyalty : Supervision

This means making sure you know exactly what ponies are up to, what they have, and what you need to do to them.

 

The Elite Six appeared along with the Crystal Kingdom, but due to temporarily being trapped or lost or having amnesia or something, weren't of any help to Sombre.

 

So their king gets sealed away, but they don't, so what do they do?

 

Do they try to unseal their king? He wasn't exactly a very good boss, but what if someone else does it and he tries to find them?

 

Do they try to make contact with other ponies? would they get recognised and get in trouble?

 

I don't know, all I know is that they are six crystal colts, each with an element of discipline, together on the outskirts of the revived Crystal Kingdom, with no pony to trust except each other.

 

And even that trust is pretty dubious...

 

SO I NEED FEEDBACK EVERYPONY !

 

Character profiles, ideas, approval and disapproval, constructive criticism, writing tips, the exact place(s) the Elite Six start in, come one, come all, let's get this party started !

Edited November 24, 2012 by Copper Loosebrain

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

I approve of this idea... but I need to talk more to say that.

Hmm... needs more backstory. Who are the elements of disipline? How will they react when they find out that their king has been destroyed/imprisioned/locked out?

 

Just some food for thought.

[NavelColt 22,882]

Very nice. I'd say those match up elements are fairly well-placed. Loyalty/Supervision is a great one, for example. Clarity is not the word I'd use for Laughter's equivalent though. Being direct would work more as Crude or Brusque would work better.

 

Also, could you make it a bit more clear that this is an idea for a fan fic, by talking about it a bit in your post? I only knew that from one of your tags. I was about to move this to Show Discussion because it looks like a back story concept more than anything, but after seeing that tag, I caught myself.

[Copper Loosebrain 31]

I approve of this idea... but I need to talk more to say that.

Hmm... needs more backstory. Who are the elements of disipline? How will they react when they find out that their king has been destroyed/imprisioned/locked out?

 

Just some food for thought.

 

I really haven't worked out exactly who they are, or how they got their positions, but I expect the Elements of Disicpline themselves would be magical slave collars made by the King himself, as it'd be a bit difficult commanding all of his Crystal Slaves without some lieutenants or trouble shooters.

 

I think whoever was given the collar of The Drive was ambitious and planning a coup, not for freedom, but to take the kingdom for himself, using lots of revolutionary meatshields.

 

Whoever got the collar of Bribery was a glutton, he'd steal from the stores, then when he stole more than he could eat, he'd "sell" it for favours.

 

The collars functions included allowing Sombre to contact them, monitor them (see what they see, detect location etc.), and put them in excruciating pain at any given time, or even kill them.

 

They would also stop them from dying or even going unconscious without Sombres' say so.

"I'm not done with you, you don't get to die! you don't get to go into shock from that slice through your flank! your body is my body! your injury is your failure to me! Your pain is your punishment! "

 

Thus he could make use of such enterprising individuals, while keeping them secure, and punishing them by:

A: Isolating them from the general population.

B: Forcing them to learn about authority grim-dark Trollestia style ( I am SOMBRE ! My Authority is MAGIC ! )

C: Working them harder and on more dangerous tasks.

 

Finding out their king is gone is wonderful news for them, but their authority is gone too, they're afraid that if they get caught in the Crystal Kingdom they'll get lynched, so they have to work out how to get to mainland Equestria.

 

This requires supplies that they'll have to rob or steal...

 

Okay, I've done a quick character profile for one of the Elite Six.

Yes I know Elite Six is pretentious, but it's supposed to be, they took that name to make bossing people around easier, and don't actually like it.

 

Sunrise Charge

 

Appearance, Species, Gender: Male, Unicorn, see attached picture.

 

Pony Code:

223E2501009E00009E2F2F12000FE7B00UG1837502010001V1000000FEFFFF0411990000CFCFCE

 

Cutie mark: A white, five pointed star on a black shield.

 

Magic Light: The light from his magic is rather strange in that it appears to have a distinctly different hue depending on how bright it is, anywhere from yellow to red.

 

Element: The Drive

 

Background: Was one of Sombres’ ruthless enforcers even before the element was put on him, but he was ambitious, he tried to start a coup against Sombre, but was captured.

 

Skills: As a military officer he was especially good at commanding dynamic, flanking strikes at enemy weak points, and at managing teleporting troops, he can teleport himself, and he can move objects by magic very quickly, if not very accurately or hard.

 

Weapons: Of the elite six SC is the most heavily armed, with two throwing knives on one flank and a short sword on the other, all are dark, almost black, and have simple, geometric designs with no curves.

 

Personality: Often ruthless, but not actually sadistic.

Quiet, but not actually shy, just thinking a lot.

He tends to be quite serious and often keeps emotions bottled up.

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

You are doing great. These are nice ponies. Keep writing, and keep having fun doing it!

 

(Twilight is best pony.... The forum almost constantly needs reminding.)

[Copper Loosebrain 31]

You are doing great. These are nice ponies. Keep writing, and keep having fun doing it!

 

(Twilight is best pony.... The forum almost constantly needs reminding.)

 

Thanks for the support, I'll start making the rest of the protagonists, and make a new thread if I get stuck for ideas.

 

I'm still not sure about the exact starting time, places, or situation, but I'll watch the first two episodes of Season 3 and have a think about it at the same time.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

Don't call them the Elements of Discipline. I know that discipline itself doesn't sound like fun, but it is actually a positive thing that helps us become better people. And you don't need any of those elements in order to properly and positively discipline someone.

 

I would call them the Elements of Tyranny or the Elements of Authoritarianism instead. Something that has a bit of a more negative connotation.

 

Other than that, I am a fan of the idea. I don't read fanfiction because I think that most of it uses too much of someone else's headcanon that I can't bring myself to believe, but I think that something like this would be readable for me. Let me know when you've got the first chapter written~

[Copper Loosebrain 31]

Don't call them the Elements of Discipline. I know that discipline itself doesn't sound like fun, but it is actually a positive thing that helps us become better people. And you don't need any of those elements in order to properly and positively discipline someone.

 

I would call them the Elements of Tyranny or the Elements of Authoritarianism instead. Something that has a bit of a more negative connotation.

 

Other than that, I am a fan of the idea. I don't read fanfiction because I think that most of it uses too much of someone else's headcanon that I can't bring myself to believe, but I think that something like this would be readable for me. Let me know when you've got the first chapter written~

 

Elements of Discipline, as a name, is kind of a relic of very early thoughts when I was thinking of some kind of foil to harmony.

I should definitely change the name, Tyranny sounds good, or you know, suitably bad.

 

And yeah, I am throwing in quite a bit of headcanon, firstly, between the Crystal Empires' disappearance and reappearance, time only passed in Equestria, not the Empire.

 

I'll also be assuming, among other things, that during S3 E2 Shadow Sombre was destroyed, not just banished or bound.

 

Why does this idea sound so fantastic you're interested? I'm curious to know so that I can work to the concepts' strengths.

 

I'm quite a while away from starting the first chapter, as I'm busy trying to flesh out the main characters as individuals rather than a group at the moment.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

Why does this idea sound so fantastic you're interested? I'm curious to know so that I can work to the concepts' strengths.

 

I'm quite a while away from starting the first chapter, as I'm busy trying to flesh out the main characters as individuals rather than a group at the moment.

 

I think that the reason why I like it so much is that it reminds me of - now don't get offended because this IS a compliment - Sailor Moon.

 

I don't know how much you're familiar with the series, but in the first season, the main villain, Queen Beryl, had 4 henchmen named the Four Generals. These Four Generals were, in a way, the opposites of Sailor Moon's 4 Sailor Senshi (Sailors Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter). When it comes to the fantasy/cartoon world, I am a fan of binaries and the way that they flesh out the characters.

 

Queen Beryl was powered by a greater, more evil queen - Queen Metallia. Queen Metallia is a dark force that powers the evil in the Queen Beryl and the 4 Generals. The difference here, though, is that Metallia was alive during that part of the series, whereas Sombra will be dead.

 

It does make me wonder if, in Equestria, there is a dark evil force behind everything that is evil in Equestria, like a sort of Queen Metallia, or in a grander scheme, Chaos (who is the final evil being in the series).

[Copper Loosebrain 31]

I'll take the Sailor Moon comparison as a compliment, I may not be familiar with it, but it's generally regarded as a good show, and is well known.

 

Equestria has a lot of dangerous creatures in the wild, but I don't think of them as evil as such, as they cause the ponies to band together and make friends.

 

Discord and Sombra are like opposite evils, one does a load of crazy stuff which stops nature working consistently or regularly, the other enslaves everyone, while the harmony of Celestia gives a healthy balance of freedom to each and law for all.

 

If there is a kind of absolute evil, who wishes the harmony to fall but doesn't care which direction it does so in, then I suppose it might try and salvage E6 for its' ends, but it'd be slow and subtle,since they're probably tired of doing an evil figures' dirty work.

 

I've started on the next character profile, he's called Wholesale, was given the Element of Bribery, and looks like this: