Cupcakes Alternate Ending

[DR Leper Lupinstein 410]

it was pretty warped and it had my attention, but i wouldn't necessarily say it scared me. i was under the impression that it was seriously terrifying. anyway, i had thought about an alternate ending:

 

Pinkie Pie was finally finished, the cupcakes turned out wonderful. "Are they ready?" a soft voice from behind startled Pinkie.

 

"Oh!" she gasped, "Fluttershy, i didn't hear you come in."

 

Fluttershy giggled "oops, sorry." She took a breath and let out sweet sigh. "They smell great, I can't wait to try one." Pinkie hovered her hoof over them. "they seem pretty cool," she said with a smile, she felt really proud of herself like she had done justice on this delectable batch. "Let's share them with our friends, it'll be like having a piece of our Rainbow Dash with them forever."

 

"oh my, i'm sorry Pinkie Pie" Fluttershy  let out a cute chuckle, "I'm not sharing anything", her voice suddenly serious and cold. Pinkie turned round with a look of disbelief;  but, no sooner did their eyes meet she felt a sudden cold sensation in her throat and then a hot crawling sensation. her hooves raced to her neck... it was wet and slippery. She stumbled backwards into the cabinets and noticed a bloody and razor-sharp ceramic knife in Fluttershy's right hoof.

 

Wide eyed, gurgling, and shocked beyond belief she looked up into Fluttershy's cold eyes. "What!?" she snapped, "you thought I was little miss innocent, wishy-washy Fluttershy". Pinkie was slowly going cold, Fluttershy knelt down and stared into Pinkie's eyes " Gotta hand it to you, baby girl. I didn't think you had it in you" she smirked, "and the fact that you ghosted that Griffon is pretty impressive."

 

Pinkie's ears were starting to ring and her hearing fading. "You really saved me the trouble of killing that bimbo myself" Fluttershy rinsed her hands in the sink and dried them before tossing the rag on the gushing Pinkie's face. " I was also getting tired of being in Rainbow Dash's shadow, she was always an airhead... not so hot now are you Bimbo Dash?"

 

Pinkie now lay lifeless on the floor. Fluttershy turned her attention to the plate of delicious cupcakes. she skipped over and picked up one from the center, "i like this one" she squeaked. she slowly sunk her teeth into the warm, moist concoction... she let out a giggle "mmm, lovely."

 

the end

 

tell me what you think and give me your alternate ending

Edited February 28, 2013 by zombronie

[MelancholicMemory 2,027]

I really like your alternate ending. It' s just my style. It's a bit rough around the edges, but I think with a little revision, it would be really awesome.I've come up with a lot of interesting alternate endings to the big grimdark fanfics, but I never really keep track of them. 

[DoctorWhovian1902 596]

Well it definitely reminded me of how I almost threw up while reading "Cupcakes". And this alternate ending almost gave me the same reaction, I guess that's a good thing. At least, in this case it is.

 

Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm not feeling good...

[Dreamsofmutilation 24]

Well it definitely reminded me of how I almost threw up while reading "Cupcakes". And this alternate ending almost gave me the same reaction, I guess that's a good thing. At least, in this case it is.

 

Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm not feeling good...

I love that ending. "Cupcakes" is my favorite Creepypasta/fanfiction. In fact, I got a plush of Pinkamena. Anyways, like i said, really good job, you should post it on fimfiction.

[Undyne 1,483]

Not bad. Not bad at all. Though, I'm not sure on how to react on Fluttershy's little snapping process. You would think that she would have more and more pressure building into her than just simply snapping right off the bat.

 

Other than that, it's still a good outline. 

[~Asuka <3~ 867]

Oh Cupcakes.  It didn't really frighten me, it was just unorthodox.  What it did was make you think.  I liked that about it, even though the fic wasn't really my thing. 

 

I did like your little ending.  It's a nice piece of work.  

[Harmonic Revelations 8,836]

Cupcakes is my favorite fan fiction. 

Well everyone has their own opinions about it. I didn't find it that scary, perhaps gruesome and unusual, but not scary. What did anyone expect from a creepypasta?

[Feather Gem 967]

I'll never read cupcakes.  Ever.

But...I like your twist ending.  I love those. 

Like for my story, the first in the series ends like...

Actually never mind.  This is your topic, not mine. 

Good job!

[~Cider Barrel~ 125]

Congratulations you have done what many have tried to avoid, i liked your alternative ending as well. but i still prefer the Original.

 

Keep reading, you can do it! trying going for something alot less bloodying and more safe, theres plenty out there 

[DR Leper Lupinstein 410]

Not bad. Not bad at all. Though, I'm not sure on how to react on Fluttershy's little snapping process. You would think that she would have more and more pressure building into her than just simply snapping right off the bat.

 

Other than that, it's still a good outline. 

 

well, there was no pressure building up in Fluttershy. She was just a sociopathic basket case. in other words, she carries the image of a pony whose indescisive, shy, and cowardly; but, here she's shows her true colors as a cold-blooded, shameless killer.

[Unique Pinkie Pie 173]

damn i didn't recognize you there due to the fact that your posts have a tendancy to be frozen/locked (no offence) and the fact that you made a good ending

[ArtStreak 12]

Sounds good to me. Fluttershy is acting... Different, to say. I can see why she'd be jealous of Rainbow Dash, however.

 

(Space filler)

[SrFrog 927]

Odd, your ending there actually fills that spot that the original ending couldn't fill for me. I guess people just like to bandwagon into the whole, Cupcakes is the worst fic in the fandom attitude (looking at you My Little Dashie).

[Alex0461 33]

I still think my favorite ending of cupcakes was the Rainbow Dash Presents version XD that video totally removes any creepiness from the fic.

[NavelColt 22,883]

Though you initially meant for this to be a discussion, the OP and the replies have more or less made this an 'alternate ending' fanfic feedback topic. I've moved it to Fan Fiction, as it fits there more appropriately.