My Little Dashie 4?

[Rainbow Recon 36]

Hey guys! This is what I have so far fo my My Little Dashie fourth, and if I get the okay from somepony ill post the full version!! Hope you enjoy this!

My Little Dashie; A fourth hit

 

 

Made by Rainbow Recon

 

 

When Dashie and I stopped hugging, I asked her how everything went. "Not so great," she started, "I had to leave, something just told me too, and I just followed it here." She said. That's strange,she has never left a show before...ever. "We'll everything's fine." I finally manage to say after a few moments. I wipe away the few tears for now, as if I'm saving them for later. "Please daddy, don't cry anymore."She commented. I chuckled at that and said "Don't worry, I'm fine!" She finally looked at the rest of the wonderbolts and trotted over to Soarin. I don't know what she asked, but when she came back, she was smiling from ear to ear.

"Guess what?" She asked me. "What?" I replied. She looked at me straight in the eyes and asked me to close them. I did what she asked. She then flew me somewhere.

 

 

"Can I open them yet?" I questioned her. "No, not yet." She replied. A few minutes later we landed. She told me " okay...open on three. 1...2...3!" I opened and saw something utterly amazing. We were in cloudsdale, looking at her house,but it didn't look like the one in season 1 episode 12...but it said "Happy Birthday, Daddy! " there was where the mane 6 signed, and I just couldn't believe it. They were throwing me a Pinkie Pie Party...one of my favorites since Celestia let me stay here... That Damn princess... "Well go on in! You simply MUST!" Rarity exclaimed.

"If your wondering how were on clou-" twilight tried to say. I thought about another episode, and I butted in "Magic?" I asked.

" yup! " applejack responded.

We all laughed and had a great time.

 

---The Hard Hit--

 

About Three or so hours after the party, I went to our home... Yes ours. Not mine,not Dashies, but all of ours.

"Daddy " she asked me. "yes dashie?" I questioned.

"You don't have to worry now. We're here and you won't leave, until a looong time." I thought about that for a second. I finally reacted "how, I'm not like you." Dashie started talking about a spell Twilight was working on. She said it should make me into a pony... But I didn't want to hear it. It's happened once,for about a second, but then it was fixed. I simply told her okay, though I didn't want to.

 

 

The next day we walked to the library. Twilight was sitting with a huge smile on her face. "Come in!" She exclaimed. I asked her what is going on, even though I already knew, dashie told me last night about how it's supposed to be a secret as to what's going on,so I just asked twilight if everything's okay. "Of course, just stand still!" She exclaimed

I stood and waited for the impact. Once I was hit I felt weird, as if my bones were shortening. I then blacked out from the pain.

 

About two hours later, after I awoke, looking around. My vision was way better and I had wings... I had a brown coat, small black tail, messy black mane, and bright blue eyes. I looked at dashie, confused. I had no way of talking to her, for I had no words to say. She looked back asking if I wanted to be turned back. "Let's give it some time, dash." I told her. After about five minutes, I got the hang of having only legs,and just, well...being a pony!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please note this is a work-In-progress, anyways, thanks for reading this! Ill add more later!!

Edited March 13, 2013 by Rainbow Recon

[HunterTSN 1,444]

AHHH! A WALL OF TEXT!

 

Make sure you indent every time a new person speaks, also try and break your paragraphs up a little more. Long paragraphs can be hard to read and sometimes even intimidating. Other than that just find a good editor and proof-reader to catch any grammar/spelling errors.

 

Also why is this the 4th? Is there a second and third I haven't read or is 4 just part of the name?

Edited March 13, 2013 by TheSteampunkNinja (TSN)

[Clarity 3,094]

Sorry, but not only does this story scream cliche, but it also needs...well, a lot of conventions editing. Not to mention rushed...

[Rainbow Recon 36]

AHHH! A WALL OF TEXT!

 

Make sure you indent every time a new person speaks, also try and break your paragraphs up a little more. Long paragraphs can be hard to read and sometimes even intimidating. Other than that just find a good editor and proof-reader to catch any grammar/spelling errors.

 

Also why is this the 4th? Is there a second and third I haven't read or is 4 just part of the name?

there is a sequel and a threequel- and thanks for the hints! Ill be sure to edit that! Also, I just wanna know, is this good? I want to know so I don't make a fool of myself when I upload the full version! (I tried to indent,but it didn't let me! But I did put in more paragraphs) Edited March 13, 2013 by Rainbow Recon

[HunterTSN 1,444]

there is a sequel and a threequel- and thanks for the hints! Ill be sure to edit that! Also, I just wanna know, is this good? I want to know so I don't make a fool of myself when I upload the full version!

It's a good idea to build on, however I think it could use a LOT of work before it's ready for uploading. I haven't read the previous stories, but it seems a little weird how you just jump into the story. You've got to build up a foundation before, if you don't it's like trying to build a house over quicksand. Then again this could be the exact point where the 3rd cuts off and it would make total since to someone who has actually read it.

 

Also I hope the full version is quite a bit longer than what you have here, this was literally a 30-second read.

Edited March 13, 2013 by TheSteampunkNinja (TSN)

[Rainbow Recon 36]

It's a good idea to build on, however I think it could use a LOT of work before it's ready for uploading. I haven't read the previous stories, but it seems a little weird how you just jump into the story. You've got to build up a foundation before, if you don't it's like trying to build a house over quicksand. Then again this could be the exact point where the 3rd cuts off and it would make total since to someone who has actually read it.

 

Also I hope the full version is quite a bit longer than what you have here, this was literally a 30-second read.

okay, and it might! I'm still editing it in the process, and this is almost exactly how the third one ends... They hugged. And I'll take all the advice, and thanks again!