Count to a million

[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,098]

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[lomk 20,665]

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SENPAI NOTICED ME

I have discovered why I need an NA.

[Well Geboren 667]

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[Well Geboren 667]

2 hours ago, Well Borne said:

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[DasCapschen 7,775]

5 hours ago, rdluvrd00d44 said:

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SENPAI NOTICED ME

I have discovered why I need an NA.

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My dad had a car where the headlights opened up like that, I think it was a Mazda

[Well Geboren 667]

You actually went one number to far this time  I'm number>430277

[DasCapschen 7,775]

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No, pages always start with 1 or 6, because 25 posts per page 

This the second post must be 2 or 7

I posted a number with 7

Edited November 7, 2017 by Da(wn)s Capschen :3

[Well Geboren 667]

*Rolls eyes* fine

 

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,098]

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Have an occasional look at the top of the page for the number of posts 

...don't rely on the "number of replies" as that equals (# posts -1)

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,098]

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Next Call of Duty game to be set in the "War on Christmas"

The next edition of the Call of Duty franchise will be about brave local government officers forcing people to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.

Centred in the ongoing War on Christmas, the game will ask players to take down Christmas Trees, ban present-giving, and organise a Winterval awareness workshop at the multifaith centre.

The game will be released on both XBox and Playstation, which ironically characters in the game will be forbidden from putting under Christmas trees in case anyone is offended.

“Call of Duty hasn’t shied away from tackling serious conflicts in the modern world and this is no exception,” said senior developer Simon Williams.

“What we hope to do is highlight the bravery of those caught on the front lines of the conflict, and character loadouts include cease-and-desist orders, posters advertising non-denomination midwinter festivals, and the ability to issue on the spot penalty notices.

“One especially challenging sequence asks players to stage a dawn raid on local primary school to shut down their Nativity Play, and then they have to deal with a crowd of eight-year-olds bursting into tears.

“They’ll have to ‘press X now’ to wipe away the tears literally hundreds of times, and that’s before they tell the head teacher that Father Christmas is a symbol of patriarchy and oppression and suggest the introduction of a ‘Mother Seasonal Outreach’ figure instead.”

The game will be released in time for Kwanzaa.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Dawnchaser

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,098]

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http://newsthump.com/2017/10/04/heckler-koch-release-fully-automatic-thoughts-and-prayers-gun/

Heckler & Koch release fully automatic ‘thoughts and prayers’ gun

A new firearm capable of spraying a sustained barrage of up to 500 empty platitudes a minute has been released by America’s premier home defence manufacturer today.

The weapon, which is intended for the ‘sorrowful but not that sorrowful’ demographic, is designed for the home firearm enthusiast who thinks something should change – just not him.

Specialised RIS mounts will allow the user to upload a direct feed of their thoughts and prayers to social media every time they pull the trigger.

The new gun will also deliver a variety of military-grade arguments into civilian armouries, including ‘But what about knife crime?’, ‘Criminals will always get guns’ and ‘What’s needed is better mental health provision’ at a velocity of up to 3,300fps.

“The stopping power of some of these arguments has to be seen to be believed,” said spokesman Simon-Bob-Williams. “One of these babies can put down almost a dozen libtards in under a minute.

“We’ll shortly be introducing extended and drum magazines which will allow up to thirty minutes of circular argument without reloading.

“Obviously we’re going to continue seeking a ban on apathy-piercing bullets, but we support Congress’s goal to ensure silencers are fitted to everyone talking about gun control.”

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[Dawnchaser 🌄 8,098]

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http://newsthump.com/2016/10/04/nobel-prize-for-chemistry-awarded-to-man-who-got-american-to-make-decent-cup-of-tea/

Nobel Prize for Chemistry awarded to man who got American to make decent cup of tea.

This year’s Nobel Prize for Chemistry has gone to a man who ‘achieved the impossible’ by getting an American to make a halfway decent cup of tea.

The breakthrough was reached after decades spent on the project by an international team of researchers working in conjunction with the Tea Production Laboratory at NASA.

The first obstacle to be overcome was a difference in terminology, as when researchers referred to “The finest and most refreshing beverage in the world”, their American counterparts inexplicably thought that they meant coffee, or worse, Budweiser.

“It was like the aluminium/aluminum thing, or trousers/pants”, senior research fellow Simon Williams said upon receiving the award. “Their language just didn’t contain the tea concept, which meant we really had to start with the absolute basics.”

“Then we had the significant task of finding the correct materials in the USA. The subjects wanted to use something called ‘half and half’ instead of milk, which was entirely the wrong catalyst for the necessary reaction between hot water and tea bag”, he told us.

“Sourcing actual milk in the United States proved very difficult as most suppliers just wanted to foist some sort of homogenised white goo on us, which is clearly inappropriate for the pour.”

It was only after international suppliers shipped both teabags and proper milk to the USA that Americans were able to make an acceptable cup of tea under controlled laboratory conditions.

The experiment then ran into further trouble when researchers tried to introduce the idea of dunking a biscuit into the tea and the Americans brought out some kind of savoury doughy dumpling.

“We’d bitten off more than we could chew there,” said Williams. “It was disgusting.”

However, the research group warned it will likely be years, if ever, before their results have any practical applications in the real world.

“You can only get Americans to make decent tea if you stand and watch them. If you look away their behaviour becomes unpredictable. We call it the Uncertain Tea principle.” (Feel free to groan)

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These two get along well 

[DasCapschen 7,775]

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Hi Telf

[Telferi 6,909]

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Hi Cawnps!