Count to a million

[CandleCandleCandles 2,012]

177844

Just gotta say, love spearheaded by a desire for love is usually hollow, from both experience and second-hand knowledge. But I'm no expert, don't take my words as reliable.

[1111 1,284]

177845 i can try to be good friends but not lover but how much common ground do we have?

[CandleCandleCandles 2,012]

177846

[Overdrive 5,366]

177847

 

And keep falling deeper and deeper into my pit, as I wait? I've been waiting for years. I've let the Dear Lord guide me, and it hasn't beared any fruits.

Edited October 2, 2014 by Smash N Dash

[CandleCandleCandles 2,012]

177848

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177849

 

Goodnight Boom!

 

 Perhaps you don't necessarily need it Smash? You seem a bit fixated, but why do you feel you need it so badly? Why do you think it's the only way to heal?

[CandleCandleCandles 2,012]

177850

[Overdrive 5,366]

177851

 

I need to regain what I've lost over these years. I lost my innocence at a young age. I lost the ability to love right around the same time. Part of becoming a Brony was to recapture the innocence and purity I once had. If I find the ability to love again, I will be whole once again.

 

I'm lonely too, Base. I feel like no one wants to take the time to truly understand me and get to know me. I used to get comfortable with others, and then I'd get tossed to the side and stabbed in the back. I just shut others out now.

[CandleCandleCandles 2,012]

177852

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177853

 

I barely had any innocence at all in the first place. It's not something I've ever particularly missed.

 

 I can't blame you for being paranoid and untrusting of others. I can be the same way a lot of the time. It's a lot less noticeable here because I feel a lot more comfortable on the internet. If I knew you guys in real life before meeting you here we would never have talked in all likelihood. I've never had a good experience with that, so I know what it's like to be lonely.

Edited October 2, 2014 by BasementNopony

[Overdrive 5,366]

177854

 

I've tried just about everything to get over how I feel. Medication, psychologists, hypnosis (professionally conducted), some-things-I-cannot-mention, turning to the bible... true love is the last and only other thing I could possibly think of. I don't want to be lonely.

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

177855

night boom!

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177856

 

I'm not sure what to tell you. I feel like anything I say in this case will make it worse...Perhaps you should try posting in life advice? I'm uncomfortable with posting there, but maybe someone else might be able to say something that will help.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177857

 

I tried once already, nothing anypony said really helped. Reading about something, and actually doing something, are two entirely different things. I guess I'll just have to keep waiting...

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177858

 

*Hugs Smash*

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

177859

*hugs smash* I dunno what to tell you man, since we can't help in person all we can offer is kind words, the real change has to come from you.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177860

 

I give up.

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

177861

Now don't give up man. If you give up then things never will change. Sure you may fail a couple of times, but persistence is key when it comes to personal change.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177862

 

I've failed my whole life. I'm a huge joke. I do everything right, yet it always feels wrong.

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

177863

You aren't a huge joke. Just look at all you have accomplished. You have made it this far in college, and are soon going to be employed with a nice salary.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177864

 

I've accomplished it by busting my ass my whole life. I've done everything for the future, costing me my present.

[Fishy Stick 7,828]

177.,865+

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

177866

You have friends man, you were just talking about going 4x4ing with them. You have made it nearly though college, you have friends, and you lead a successful life.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177867

 

Doesn't feel like it. Feels like I've achieved mediocrity. Feels like I could have done more, feels like I haven't done enough.

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177868

 

Smash, I never even finished High school in the traditional sense. I couldn't handle it and had to drop out. I did get a GED but still. I don't have a job at the moment, I have no friends outside of this forum, my only hobbies are reading fanfictions, playing games, and watching cartoon ponies, and I've got tons of self-esteem issues, and problems with being too worried about others.

 

You're life at this moment is a lot more successful than mine in the traditional sense. A lot.