request Thirty Moons Under Ares: A My Little Pony Screenplay

[USMCav8r 106]

I just recently began watching MLP, and (while I am still very dubious about clippers) I have come to really enjoy the fandom. 

 

I have recently started writing a screenplay for a hypothetical MLP movie. Come and check it out at the following link:

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

I am posting this via google drive because I am constantly making updates, and so that you can see my latest updates at your convenience.

 

This screenplay is about peace, despite the name. I have actively avoided blood and gore, so that it is more acceptable to younger audiences, while still discussing the horrors of war and the strength of friendship. I am interested in any help I can get, either in the script, concept art, or music.

 

I also utilized several works of fan art as concept images, embedded in the text. If you recognize any as your own, please let me know so that I can appropriately cite you.

 

I am also hoping to get some help from Silly Filly Studios and other animators to try to make this movie a reality. If you have some ideas for the music, all help is appreciated.

 

Please keep any comments limited to constructive criticisms only. If you think I should make a change, post it in the comments either on this thread or on the google drive. I hope you enjoy.

 

-2nd LT Jeremy Truesdell

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

I can help you with the music. What type of music are you wanting

 

I can do

 

Orchestral (BGM)

Rock 

Metal

Electro

Fusion

and more

[USMCav8r 106]

I actually have several songs in the script. Most of them are marches or rock. I will highlight the music sections in the script yellow, so that you can find them easily. Here is an example of one of the song sections: BM begins to sing, and it begins to rain: (to appropriate music, country- sounding. Lyrics should also change for more emotional impact. Contact miracleofsound?)

The war rages on,

under choking clouds of smoke, ash and dust.

He looks down and fans a trooper’s fire

The sweet kiss of rest comes no more;

and I can feel my courage begin to seep away.

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

He trots through the still rolling armored column

Muddied trenches and wearied men,

and these darkened days do fill my mind with grief.

Hopes and dreams,

washed away.

In these trying times these mares and colts can’t fight for long

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

Cut to: AJ bucking trees

Applejack,

I so miss you.

My sister, though, I won’t give up on you.

I will wage this war until I find your friends and you.

Flash! a picture of the mane six laughing together

I swear to all that I will find you all .

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

And as the world around me falls,

I can picture you battering at your walls.

CUT TO: A still chained AJ bucks at the stone wall, while T rubs RD to keep her warm.

In these trying times these mares and colts can’t fight for long.

But I will keep these planes and tanks rolling on.

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

This pointless war, can’t last for long.

Zoom in on BM’s eyes. They are fierce and full of determination. He closes them.

 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

I actually have several songs in the script. Most of them are marches or rock. I will highlight the music sections in the script yellow, so that you can find them easily. Here is an example of one of the song sections: BM begins to sing, and it begins to rain: (to appropriate music, country- sounding. Lyrics should also change for more emotional impact. Contact miracleofsound?)

The war rages on,

under choking clouds of smoke, ash and dust.

He looks down and fans a trooper’s fire

The sweet kiss of rest comes no more;

and I can feel my courage begin to seep away.

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

He trots through the still rolling armored column

Muddied trenches and wearied men,

and these darkened days do fill my mind with grief.

Hopes and dreams,

washed away.

In these trying times these mares and colts can’t fight for long

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

Cut to: AJ bucking trees

Applejack,

I so miss you.

My sister, though, I won’t give up on you.

I will wage this war until I find your friends and you.

Flash! a picture of the mane six laughing together

I swear to all that I will find you all .

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

And as the world around me falls,

I can picture you battering at your walls.

CUT TO: A still chained AJ bucks at the stone wall, while T rubs RD to keep her warm.

In these trying times these mares and colts can’t fight for long.

But I will keep these planes and tanks rolling on.

But should the end come I will try not to despair.

I just pray you won’t yet be waiting there….

This pointless war, can’t last for long.

Zoom in on BM’s eyes. They are fierce and full of determination. He closes them.

This looks kind of confusing. 

 

I suggest that you put directors notes in parenthesis. That's how I organize my screenplays and transcripts. 

[USMCav8r 106]

This looks kind of confusing. 

 

I suggest that you put directors notes in parenthesis. That's how I organize my screenplays and transcripts. 

That is a good idea: seperating the notes from the rest of the script. I was actually following a format from Babylon 5 writer J. Michael Straczynski.

[Sharkbite 3]

a MLP movie about war. THE WORLD NEEDS THIS. If you can manage it, it could become a very friendly learning experience for children with subtle/heavy dark elements.

 

Like Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron but with talking bright colored ponies.

[USMCav8r 106]

a MLP movie about war. THE WORLD NEEDS THIS. If you can manage it, it could become a very friendly learning experience for children with subtle/heavy dark elements.

 

Like Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron but with talking bright colored ponies.

I loved that movie. I also remember that I couldn't get the songs out of my head for a month. I doubt that Hasbro would make this into a movie, but there is a chance that a group like Silly Filly studios will look at this favorably.

[USMCav8r 106]

To those of you who were interested in this script: here is a new WIP that I have hopes for getting to Studio B.

http://mlpforums.com/topic/81092-a-shadow-in-the-well/#entry2074492

[USMCav8r 106]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WW8x55BZ1UmC753bSitHiO5J6W57ROA43tbI1nlvtOY/edit?usp=sharing

 

It is finished! See the rough draft for Thirty Moons Under Ares here! I am in need of criticism to get it into it's final form! All criticisms are welcome!

 

This screenplay is about peace, despite the name. I have actively avoided blood and gore, so that it is more acceptable to younger audiences, while still discussing the horrors of war and the strength of friendship. I am interested in any help I can get, either in the script, concept art, or music.

 

I also utilized several works of fan art as concept images, embedded in the text. If you recognize any as your own, please let me know so that I can appropriately cite you.

 

I am also hoping to get some help from Silly Filly Studios and other animators to try to make this movie a reality. If you have some ideas for the music, all help is appreciated.