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Haven't broke out crying in a while...

Lightning Fluttershy

Entry posted by Lightning Fluttershy

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So yep, the titles implies that I've been crying, and indeed I have. It's been a long time since I cried for a reason other than a sad fan fiction. This morning however, I woke up to some of the worse news I could hear IMO.

 

This is difficult for me to type with only one hand seeing as my arm is broken, but it's important to me.

 

Warning: In the following text you may come to think of me as: weak, pathetic, unrealistic, sad, etc. I don't give a fuck what any of you think of me at the moment though, heads up.

 

So.... I'm sure the majority of you remember Clarity, our lovable AJ fangirl. This morning I woke up to the notion that I may not even get to talk to her anymore, or should I say, can no longer even be close friends with her. Now... if you didn't read my blog about my feelings for her, you should now. <<blog>>

 

Here's where the majority of you may come to think of me as those lovely adjectives I mentioned earlier. See... I fell in love with a girl over the internet, Clarity. Now that the possibility of separation looms over my head however, I don't know what to do. I'm angry at a certain someone on the forums, I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at the internet, I'm angry at my life. For the first time in my life since my sister passed away 4 years ago, I feel emotionally distraught. I'll admit right here, when she mentioned that we may not even get to be close friends anymore, I broke down crying....

 

Now for her reasoning behind it. See, she was caught on Skype at her school... and her teachers didn't take too kindly to what they saw. They saw her convos with spas, and we all know spas, how he can get. They saw her convos with me when we were together, lovey dovey and what not. Now they want to monitor her Skype for any fucking imperfection because they're puritans or something. That was rage induced, Clari said it's because they care about her. And so, they told her never to trust anyone on the internet and to never get to close to anyone on the internet. I would agree with them, good advice. My only fault is....... it applied to me too.... I can't even be her boyfriend anymore...

 

This hits me so hard emotionally because... I don't have anyone anymore... no friends in real life to support me, never a friend like her before... this may sound cliche and maybe you think I need to get over her or whatever, but she was the only thing that mattered to me anymore. Yes, a girl who I've never met IRL, lives on the other side of the world, and I likely had no chance of seriously being with, meant the world to me. Now, we can still talk, but it can't be the same as it was before, when she could call me her BF and I could call her my GF and we could talk about whatever we wanted without a care or worry in the world. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore...

 

Don't get me wrong, I still have her in Skype and can still talk, but like I said it won't be the same. Clarity is the only person in the world that seems to have the ability to make me happy, to make me forget about my problems in reality. She's tried to calm me on Skype... but this is too important to me.

 

Clari, I know you're still lurking, and I've told this on Skype a hundred times, but I love you. You're the only person in the world who matters to me and making you happy is my only goal. <3 Know that even if you aren't allowed to love me, I will always, ALWAYS love you.

 

Comments and thoughts are appreciated. I'm sure many of you just think of me as this weak, pathetic teen now...

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XrosOver

....You're assumptions of us judging you are dead wrong. Honestly that pulled at the heartstrings. I feel sad for you but hopefully we can cheer you up.

  • Brohoof 1
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PonyEcho

no, i don't think of you as any of those things.

I actually understand your situation clearly because, once I had a similar problem, so if you want anypony to talk too. 

but for now try and hope for the best to happen and for all this crappyness to turn around.

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Shiki

I'm not completely sure but from my understanding it's on a laptop given to her by her school.

I'm still a bit confused. Can she not join a site that offers IM ability for users? I don't see why the lack of utilisation of Skype would be such a massive hurdle.

 

Or do you mean all of her activity shall be monitored on her laptop?  

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Lightning Fluttershy

I'm still a bit confused. Can she not join a site that offers IM ability for users? I don't see why the lack of utilisation of Skype would be such a massive hurdle.

 

Or do you mean all of her activity shall be monitored on her laptop?  

Yes, she can only do on the laptop what the school allows.

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Shiki

Yes, she can only do on the laptop what the school allows.

She has no other devices with internet access?

 

I'm also a bit confused at what you mean by things won't be the same? What in the world could you be talking about that would get her in trouble..?

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Lightning Fluttershy

She has no other devices with internet access?

 

I'm also a bit confused at what you mean by things won't be the same? What in the world could you be talking about that would get her in trouble..?

Idk. :/

 

I'm assuming her teachers/parents don't like it when I talk to her all mushy like. :/

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Gone for good

I think it's a little more than "oh I was just caught with people on skype"

 

I mean, she lives in China of all places and I almost got a job there. The culture is extremely different and it's just gotta be something else. Besides, if it took that long for her to just quit the forums I doubt it was because her parents or teacher made her.

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Gone for good

Of course what the hell am I saying that makes it negative.

 

Don't let it get you down, though. hang on I'll post more in a second once I go do something

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Shiki

Idk. :/

 

I'm assuming her teachers/parents don't like it when I talk to her all mushy like. :/

I honestly find it to be a bit odd that in this day and age, people don't have a personal computer in their household excluding one given to them by a school. 

 

Understandable... But if you just turned it down a bit? :T

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Lightning Fluttershy

I honestly find it to be a bit odd that in this day and age, people don't have a personal computer in their household excluding one given to them by a school. 

 

Understandable... But if you just turned it down a bit? :T

That's what I'm being forced to do to still talk to her. :y

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Xievie

You aren't weak, pathetic, or any of these things-- you're the exact opposite since you were able to tell us this!

 

As for Clarity.. I usually don't mention it because it usually doesn't concern me, but I'll say here that it really saddens me, and I can easily see you're in pain.

 

Both of you have my support. There isn't much I can do or say to help, but good luck.

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Shiki

That's what I'm being forced to do to still talk to her. :y

... Then I honestly hardly see the problem...

 

But I shall stop commenting, now.

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Akemi Homura

People without any knowledge of the person someone may get acquainted with through a medium which has always been controversial will no doubt garner sparks. But that's not really much of an excuse to not put in the effort to see for themselves what they're missing out on especially in 2013.

 

Even my mom the safety spokesperson (not literally) doesn't condemn my interactions over the internet, at least not anymore.

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spas-ticShotty

Great, now I feel all guilty and such :(. I mean, I knew her situation was bad, but I didn't know it was THIS bad (Since I barely had time to read the skype convo anyways). You clearly do love her more if you cried about it, that's for sure. Guess she chose the right dude to be the GF. But yeah, this sucks for you big time. I love her a lot as well, but this just hit you so hard......

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duidamasterXD

I'm not even going to pretend to understand how you're feeling right now, all I can say is that I'm so sorry, I'm still praying for you guys and that this can work out, and that if you need anyone to talk to then I'm here.

 

I'm so sorry.

  • Brohoof 3
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Motion Spark

I never thought you 2 were in a relationship :o

 

that sucks man, don't say you are a pathetic teenager, it's ok if you woke up crying. It's ok ;)

 

But see the good side, they didn't take the internet from her, so that's good, I agree with Kirino, she should have another Skype account, or another IM application to chat with you, give her ideas. Fight for her man! do it filly!

  • Brohoof 3
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Vicke

There is just not Skype. You got MSN and whatnot.

Also, is she only 13 yearsold? Or does her page lie?

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Motion Spark

There is just not Skype. You got MSN and whatnot.

Also, is she only 13 yearsold? Or does her page lie?

yes she is indeed 13 years old, but I'm impressed with how mature she is.

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~Master~ Button Mash

Wow, didn't know there were so many people in inter-forum relationships...

 

Anyway, I'm sorry to here about this situation. I can't even begin to imagine how much this must hurt. Just remember that we're here for you, though. We're family. :)

 

And no, you're not weak. To open your heart like that is the pinnacle of strength.

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