[note: I apologize for the incosistent formatting, stuff gets... weird when copypasting]
Pinging the GOL crew: @Emerald Heart @ExplosionMare @Feather Spiral @Fhaolan @GreenLeaf @Lord Valtasar @PuddingPonyPal @Randimaxis @Troblems
Hi everyone! I'm wondering who would be interested in reading parts from two short fics - The Fluffiest Invasion and An Even Fluffier Defense. I'd recommend reading through them if you can spare the time - they're both about a thousand words each, give or take, plus they're pretty funny one way or the other. Because they're both so short, this call is for both stories simultaneously, though neither of them shares characters with the other.
The tl;dr version, though, is that there's a battle between ponies and humans {US armed forces, to be specific} but kinda not really and more of a pony parody of actual war stories.
Without further ado, le cast for... The Fluffiest Invasion, in order of appearance {color-coded PDF here};
The Narrator [either male or female][claimed: orange_man_from]
Played completely straight despite the premise - we're talking grim and dramatic, overly so if you can, just to make the contrast between the tone and story that much sillier.
Extras [Male or Female]
A few anonymous background characters in the opening shot with one line each. Rushed but professional, in the "seconds until showtime" tone;
“Form it up! Come on!”
“Let's go! Recon says the goldies will be here in five minutes, tops!”
“Where's the fifty cal?”
Distressed/pressed;
“Alpha, this is Charlie! We're losing ground here, fast!”
In the time-honored “oh crap!!” tone. Avoid whisper-shouting – ideally deliver the line at the “disturbing the household” volume. Possibly turn down the microphone beforehand to avoid peaking; “INCOMING!”
Professional, but with a slightly worried undertone; “Sir, orders?”
Colonel Mitchum [Male]
The officer in command and the reader’s POV. Speaking with crisp, clear sentences, projecting authority, command and being in control of the situation at all times.
Sparks [Male][Feather Spiral]
The radioman, relaying information back and forth. Takes a direct hit – if you can pull off the “bright-eyed youngster taken before his time” trope, lean into it as hard as you can.
Major Wendel [Female]
Second-in-command, but with a more in-the-thick-of-it command voice. Only one line though.
“Don't randomly fire!” Major Wendel screamed, her voice cutting above the noise of the right flank. “Aim for the booper! It's the only way to take them down!”
The Mare [Female] [claimed: EmeraldHeart]
The lone survivor of the attacking army. Calm, and just a liiiitttle bit creepy if you can.
“You can't stop us, you know.” She smiled. “The hugs will happen, maybe not today, but the hugs will happen to all of you.”
Princess Celestia [Female]
The Princess, just a little bit miffed. Single line.
“Oh drat, you win again, Donald.” Celestia sighed.
Donald Trump [Male]
El Presidente, just a little bit smug. Also single line.
“I'm telling you Cel, get a wall. They work great!” Trump replied.
And then, the Even Fluffier Defence {also highlighted PDF};
Narrator: [claimed: orange_man_from]
Mike Pence [Male]
The Vice-President, and overseeing the exercise from the human side. Generally politicianny, but with an undertone of superiority.
“The president is dealing with important issues back in the States, and the secret service felt it would be best not to let you two speak to each other again after the last meeting.”
Princess Luna [Female]
Ye Olde Princesse Of Ye Nighte. More openly superior, but in this case less princessy and a lot more knightly.
“Hmph! I do not know of you!” Luna snorted. “Where is the orange man? Does he not deem me worthy enough to challenge me himself?”
Lieutenant [Male]
The commanding officer of Geiger Three team. Stereotypical “all business” soldier tone initially, but swapping out for more hurried and alert tone once the cake hits the fan.
“Hardhat, this is Geiger three, checking in.” Crackled the radio. “We've reached the crash site. No enemy contacts.”
Sergeant [Male][Feather Spiral (requested but optional)]
Second-in-command of the Geiger Three team. Pretty much the same tone as Lieutenant.
The sergeant shook it off. “Stay alert, they're playing with us. Just stay cool and the helos will be here soon.”
Hardhat [Male]
Radio officer, crisp and quick.
“Geiger three, this is hardhat.” The radio operator's voice came back barely a whisper. “Move in and inspect the crash site. Crew went silent fifteen minutes ago.”
Geiger One [Male]
The first one to go, in a rush to get the message out before they get taken out. Single line.
“All units! All units!” Geiger one's voice cut into the radio. “Contact! Three, no, four hostiles in the trees, we mmph!”
Geiger Two [Male]
Second one to go.
“Hardhat, this is Geiger two.” The radio crackled. “Geiger one is down, all of them. Definitely the work of snugglers.”
Geiger Four [Male]
Same overall tone as Geiger Three team.
A new voice joined the conversation. “Hardhat, this is Geiger four, enemy AA is still active. Do not advise bring in the helos unless you want them to get caked.”
Some Geiger Three Dude [Male]
Single line;
“What was that?” One of them asked.
The Snuggler [Female]
Cocky, then calm and relaxing and finally straight-up hyper.
“Hehe, or is it that you're just slow?” A silky voice said from right behind them.
“Don't worry, we'll go get ice cream after this.” Her voice was soothing and sweet.
“THE RED THING!” The mare screamed happily, diving away to a point near the downed helicopter.
Thestral Extra
“I GOT IT!” One of the thestrals exclaimed triumphantly, only to look at his empty hooves in confusion.
The Staffer
Pence’s assistant – first uncertain, then “um, why is this a question” followed by “ooooohhh, I see”.
“Well sir, Princess Luna has entered the combat area.” The staffer shrugged. “We figured we should cancel to avoid an incident.”