Alright. Here’s Sweetie Belle’s Absolutely Ludicrous Yet Completely Necessary Guide to Saturday Mornings. –The Rough Draft-
Step 1: Friday after a long night of internet. Oh well, you’re not getting much sleep tonight then. Alarm clock set for 9:30? Good! Now crank that thing up to full blast. I don’t care if it causes the roof to collapse on your face. You must be awake. It’s 5 AM, you’ve got 4 and a half hours to sleep.
Step 2: Ok, the rest of this depends on whether or not you accomplished zombie-ing out of bed… Turn on your enormous 80” HDTV and enjoy the wonders of The Hub. Granted you changed the channel the night before. Kudos for thinking ahead! Don’t have the Hub? That’s no excuse. You pry your giant TV from the wall and use it as a monitor for half an hour. You’re not going softcore on this one. Break your spine if you have to. I don’t care. You get on a livestream and you watch this show.
Step 3: Still like 20 minutes? You’re not making any bacon and eggs for breakfast. No sir. You pop some kernels and grab a Pepsi. Don’t have popcorn? K. John Madden your way down to the nearest movie theatre. Steal a car. Forget the police. You’re breaking the law anyway by watching this show illegally. THANKS, GOVERNMENT. Besides, what would Danger-Do do? Nothing is gonna keep you from watching this brand new episode with less than minimal requirements! Buy some popcorn. Forgot your money? So what? Everyone has money. Take some. Get your popcorn and go.
Step 4: Crash your stolen vehicle into a random telephone pole. Jump out before doing so or else this will have been for nothing. There’s no need to have a craving for hospital food right now. While everyone’s distracted by the loud explosion, burning vehicle, firetruck sirens and cries of fleeing citizens from the inferno…
Step 5: GET HOME. Get to your throne of a computer chair, bed, couch or wherever you do the crime. Put on your $5000 headset or turn up your speakers. Disregard casualties. Acquire ponies. Maximum fullscreen better be on or you will lose all self respect as a fan.
Step 6: Recall the words and say them to yourself in dead confidence.
Step 7: Get ready to watch. Laugh, love, learn, etc Jail later when the authorities find out what happened. Hey, if you’re lucky they’ll be a bunch of bronies and you’ll get off easy. Plead insanity because that’s probably the case.
And ya know…
none of this would ever happen if Canadians had the Hub.
TL;DR? Do everything withing your power to achieve maximum enjoyment.