Rikifive

MY 9TH FORUMVERSARY 

Today is my 9th Forumversary - I joined MLP Forums exactly 9 years ago.

It feels like it was, just a little while,
Yet it actually was, a large chunk of life.

bro, who let me cook

*ahem*

I cannot believe so many years have passed,
 but everything around me has vastly changed.
I look into the distance as I ponder the orb,
oh where did the time go?

bruh what is this, it's that centered text doing this!

Seriously though,
let me bake the dough.

WHAT IS THIS!
ALIGN THIS BACK TO LEFT QUICK!

There you go. For some reason I can't type properly when the text is centered like this.  What I wanted to say is, that despite so many years, my life hasn't changed much. To be frank, it's as empty as it always was, minus the hobbies and online activity associated with it, mostly my stay here on MLP Forums. Here online... everything is easier, I've achieved many things. Things, that may be nothing epic, but I'm proud of regardless. There are so many things to do, so many users to talk to, I never complained on boredom. Unfortunately to me, contrary to how others usually see it, it's just a fantasy world.

The moment I look away from the screen, all I see is emptiness. My life is like an endless lockdown. Same old problems with new ones to worry about, and the same stale routines - going to work in the afternoon, getting home in the evening, spending free time online at night, and going to sleep in the morning, repeat, one day after another, for the past 9 years (I happened to join MLPF few months after I started the job). Let me add, that the job I had wasn't giving me satisfaction, but the opposite. Passive aggression from superiors, and inexistent work-life balance (often staying overtime, or randomly being told 3-4 hours before my shift to come to work 2-3 hours earlier weren't rare scenarios) made my real life feel like a burden. Let's not make a big deal out of it though, as this, after all, is most likely something many can relate to. Everyone has their own problems, and probably many struggle with similar things. That's just life being life.

Anyway, getting to the point;

This year is a huge change in my life, but I'm yet to discover, whether it's for the better or worse.

I mentioned my job in past tense, because as some of you might know, I decided to quit the job. After 9 years of working in the same workplace, it was a very difficult and stressful choice for me. I just wanted to try something out, attempt to change something in my life to make my family proud of me before it's too late. To, you know, make the gap between my real life and my avatar here smaller.

I've been jobless since the beginning of this year, living off what I managed to save through years. I used that extra time to explore some new areas, gain knowledge and try things to prepare myself for the upcoming challenge, and as usual, looked around the forum to interact with others, and of course do my job as Support to fulfil some of the users' desires left in Feedback and so on. That is actually the job I truly enjoy, where challenges are ones I'm eager to tackle.

I also used that time to work on an update to Friendship Melody, to re-release the game and run the third forum event featuring this game. Because I don't know what to expect in the future, worrying the game might not get the chance to see the light of day again, I wanted to polish it a bit while I can, and decide to leave it permanently available, for it to be a part of MLP Forums onwards. I know this game isn't the craziest thing, but few members expressed they'd like it to stay, so I hope this game can be cherished as a gift from me to the community. Something, that perhaps will make me remembered. 

Typing this makes me feel odd, as if I said too much. I usually try to keep all my troubles to myself, did so since my first day here, and I hope I did a good job with this. This time however, I don't want anyone to worry about me for suddenly disappearing. Thing is, I intend to take a break from online activity and focus on my life. In the upcoming days--weeks---months, I'll be working all day everyday, on something I'll hopefully be able to call my first commercial game. I've been making games and stuff for around 10 years now, and that would be a perfect happy ending for my journey - or perhaps also the beginning of the new chapter.

I'm not too optimistic about this though, heh. Let's face the music, 10 years and I still can barely make anyone interested in my games that are free. Bribing everyone with forum badges worked to some degree, so... to have anyone actually be willing to buy something from me is going to be extremely challenging. It's as if I didn't draw any conclusions from 10 years of experience. 

I have savings for 4 more months and that is my deadline. In an event I fail, it won't be the end of the world. I'll just have a load of new problems to worry about, so I'll be even busier trying to catch whatever lifebuoy I can to stay afloat. That is, admit defeat as I watch my ship sink, begin to regret quitting the job, and try to find a new one.

I digress.

I just wanted to apologize in advance, if I won't be able to look out for the forums, and please don't feel ignored, if I won't be replying to you.

I'm not saying I'll be stepping down from forums permanently, I hope I'll be able to come back one day to share the story.

It may sound silly, but I easily get distracted. A notification here, a message there, and before I know it I spent plenty of time having a good time. This is great of course, but I can't really afford it. I must focus and make the most of the little time I have left.

Let's not be overly dramatic though, if there will be a big need to reach out of me, I'll do my best to answer if it will be necessary... but won't that mean, that I'll be selecting who is "worthy" to be replied to? ...See, that's the problem and that's why I'd prefer to stay in the shadows, as I wouldn't like anyone to think I'm ignoring them. 

Eh, it's gonna be alright, right? 

Instead of celebrating the forumversary, here I am typing this, but the timing is actually a coincidence I happened to make use of.

...because I'm not sure how things will go, for the time being, I'd like to say goodbye, and that I hope to see you around next time. Thank you for the journey together, await the good news from me. Wish me luck! 

I'll be available for few more days, there's the event I'm responsible for going on after all, right?