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It is nights like this that make me wonder if the self hatred is actually getting worse. There will be days where I think I can block it out but then comes along a night like this to remind me that it's still there. I hope to get a new med soon, but I don't think any medication will make me like myself.
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That is what joy is for me nowadays. Just something to delude myself for a short while. Something to make me temporarily forget about how life is only going to get worse. About my inferiority to other people. I can enjoy something simple, something I like, but it is only a matter of time before the realizations come back. I feel like meds will have the exact same effect.
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If we like you, how can you not like yourself? You're just human with problems like every other person out there. You can always change your interests and desires, practice new skills and gain new abilities. You can do whatever you want. So you are not inferior, you're awesome. Not to mention strong if you can put up with some of the insensitive bastards like me.