ShobieShy - Red Heart

[ShobieShy 3]

I was reading Redheart fics and I came across an amazing one that needed a song.  So I wrote it. Link to fic in the videos description.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGzWgw9823Y

Edited June 17, 2014 by ShobieShy

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

I was reading Redheart fics and I came across an amazing one that needed a song.  So I wrote it. Link to fic in the videos description.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGzWgw9823Y

It's a nice rap, but some of the parts roll off as a tiny bit cheesy...

[ShobieShy 3]

It's a nice rap, but some of the parts roll off as a tiny bit cheesy...

What lines? I welcome criticism.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,825]

@@ShobieShy,

 

Well...it's hard to point out. The part when you say you love the stallion and the monitor is lying, that was a bit cheesy. Sometimes, when you say you love someone in a rap, show don't tell. If you tell with only a description, it'll come off as cheesy, that's the key to a good rap. Showing the scene and not telling directly.