Silverwisp rates your OC

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

@@Silverwisp the Bard,

 

I'd like to change the OC of mine you can review, Since i'm rewriting Dark Mist, i feel better with Candy Star, is that okay?

[Tao 7,756]

Mr Bard,  could you take a look at my oc Soot once you clear out the others!  I can wait a bit till you're done with the others!

 

Soot: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/soot-r7879

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Could you review my OC, Autumn? A link to her profile can be found below, as well as in my signature. Thanks!

 

Autumn's profile.

Edited March 11, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Okay, after a looong absence from the forums, I'm ressurecting this thread. I'll try to keep up a pace of 3+ reviews aday to eventually catch up.

 

Wolf

 

 

Design:

Yeah, no. Black and white hardly ever works for OCs and this is not one of these times. The accesoires could work but don't make a whole lot of sense for a pony living in the wild. Overall she should look a whole lot scruffier.

2/10

 

Backstory: Again, no. Nothing is gained from her parents' death in terms of story and the fact that rabid wolves (who'd die of their disease in short order btw) seems rather forced as well.if. I guess you could make her a wolfpony (the "were" in werewolf means "man"), but it would be har avoiding a special snowflake vibe. Her personality does not match someone living in the wild.

0/10 Would start over

 

Overall: 1/10

If you want to keep the wolf angle, make her a ark ranger of some sort, maybe to the point that she prefers the company of wolves over ponies' and rarely ventures back to civilization.

 

 

 

@AmberDust

Amber Dust (Amber Dustception!)

 

 

Design:

Love iiiit!!

Really not much t say about the design, hits me in all the right places.

Minor suggestions:

-Maybe put in a small gap into the upper part of the mane (see Twilight's mane)

-the cuffs look a tiny bit distracting, maybe make them a bit smaller or break them up into a few rings/an industrial

As for colours, Option 1 all the way.

Going off your avatar, maybe brighten up the mane colours juust a bit and shift the hue slightly towards the colouredd pencil pic. Also make the small swirly bit on her cutiemark a bit brighter (the hue of the medium highlight in her iris would be perfect).

9/10

 

Backstory:

Again, very nice stuff.

Her personality is well done, but feels like the result of a long design process, that could do with being gone over and preened a bit for the sake of coherency (her wanting to be designer comes up only once and some of her personality traits are a bit contradictory ).

Maybe go a bit more into what exactly she's doing for a living and where exactly she got her stories from as a filly.

8/10

 

Overall: 8.5/10

 

 

 

Btw I love the extra effort/extra stuff you put into her profile, very interesting and enjoyable to read.

 

 

Vera Alithea

 

 

Design:

I like it; easy and memorable. The different horn is a nice touch.

-the eye needs some desaturation

-mane colour looks a bit artificial, maybe make it a bit paler (maybe something along this pony's mane)

-the cloven hooves look a bit out of place, either get rid of them or go all clkassic unicorn with the lion tail

-maybe give her an accesory (e.g. a saddlebag for records)

7/10

 

Backstory:

I do like her working a record shop, nice and fitting for the setting.

As for her magic, I like the idea of her horn serving as a bit of a lie detector (maybe make it a bit unreliable), but her memory scrambling ability seems abit..overpowered?

You did a great job of laying out the ethical rammifications, but if she won't use her ability, why include it at all? Same for her parents losing their memories; it does't really add anything to Vera as a character. Also, I think Luminous would make for a great alternative name.

6/10

 

Overall: 6.5/10 Good character, could use some polish

 

 

Will you still review mine?

[retrosteamknight 22]

Okay, after a looong absence from the forums, I'm ressurecting this thread. I'll try to keep up a pace of 3+ reviews aday to eventually catch up.

 

Wolf

 

 

Design:

Yeah, no. Black and white hardly ever works for OCs and this is not one of these times. The accesoires could work but don't make a whole lot of sense for a pony living in the wild. Overall she should look a whole lot scruffier.

2/10

 

Backstory: Again, no. Nothing is gained from her parents' death in terms of story and the fact that rabid wolves (who'd die of their disease in short order btw) seems rather forced as well.if. I guess you could make her a wolfpony (the "were" in werewolf means "man"), but it would be har avoiding a special snowflake vibe. Her personality does not match someone living in the wild.

0/10 Would start over

 

Overall: 1/10

If you want to keep the wolf angle, make her a ark ranger of some sort, maybe to the point that she prefers the company of wolves over ponies' and rarely ventures back to civilization.

 

 

 

@AmberDust

Amber Dust (Amber Dustception!)

 

 

Design:

Love iiiit!!

Really not much t say about the design, hits me in all the right places.

Minor suggestions:

-Maybe put in a small gap into the upper part of the mane (see Twilight's mane)

-the cuffs look a tiny bit distracting, maybe make them a bit smaller or break them up into a few rings/an industrial

As for colours, Option 1 all the way.

Going off your avatar, maybe brighten up the mane colours juust a bit and shift the hue slightly towards the colouredd pencil pic. Also make the small swirly bit on her cutiemark a bit brighter (the hue of the medium highlight in her iris would be perfect).

9/10

 

Backstory:

Again, very nice stuff.

Her personality is well done, but feels like the result of a long design process, that could do with being gone over and preened a bit for the sake of coherency (her wanting to be designer comes up only once and some of her personality traits are a bit contradictory ).

Maybe go a bit more into what exactly she's doing for a living and where exactly she got her stories from as a filly.

8/10

 

Overall: 8.5/10

 

 

 

Btw I love the extra effort/extra stuff you put into her profile, very interesting and enjoyable to read.

 

 

Vera Alithea

 

 

Design:

I like it; easy and memorable. The different horn is a nice touch.

-the eye needs some desaturation

-mane colour looks a bit artificial, maybe make it a bit paler (maybe something along this pony's mane)

-the cloven hooves look a bit out of place, either get rid of them or go all clkassic unicorn with the lion tail

-maybe give her an accesory (e.g. a saddlebag for records)

7/10

 

Backstory:

I do like her working a record shop, nice and fitting for the setting.

As for her magic, I like the idea of her horn serving as a bit of a lie detector (maybe make it a bit unreliable), but her memory scrambling ability seems abit..overpowered?

You did a great job of laying out the ethical rammifications, but if she won't use her ability, why include it at all? Same for her parents losing their memories; it does't really add anything to Vera as a character. Also, I think Luminous would make for a great alternative name.

6/10

 

Overall: 6.5/10 Good character, could use some polish

 

 

Yeah, boy! Revive that thread!

[AmberDust 1,118]

@AmberDust

Amber Dust (Amber Dustception!)

 

 

Design:

Love iiiit!!

Really not much t say about the design, hits me in all the right places.

Minor suggestions:

-Maybe put in a small gap into the upper part of the mane (see Twilight's mane)

-the cuffs look a tiny bit distracting, maybe make them a bit smaller or break them up into a few rings/an industrial

As for colours, Option 1 all the way.

Going off your avatar, maybe brighten up the mane colours juust a bit and shift the hue slightly towards the colouredd pencil pic. Also make the small swirly bit on her cutiemark a bit brighter (the hue of the medium highlight in her iris would be perfect).

9/10

 

Backstory:

Again, very nice stuff.

Her personality is well done, but feels like the result of a long design process, that could do with being gone over and preened a bit for the sake of coherency (her wanting to be designer comes up only once and some of her personality traits are a bit contradictory ).

Maybe go a bit more into what exactly she's doing for a living and where exactly she got her stories from as a filly.

8/10

 

Overall: 8.5/10

 

 

 

Btw I love the extra effort/extra stuff you put into her profile, very interesting and enjoyable to read.

 

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Yeah, I had a lot of trouble with the colour scheme. ^^ Even now that I have the basic scheme down, I'm giving myself a headache trying to decide on the nitty-gritty. (Her coat being blue-green vs. yellow-green, etc.)

I'll try out your suggestion. Maybe I could get back to you when I figure it out?

[retrosteamknight 22]

Uh... What happened to reviving the thread?
Where the hay is Silverwisp?