request Feedback on Dark Mist's rewritten Backstory

[Tom Snyder 4,112]

 

Name: Dark Mist

 

Age: 116

 

Gender: Female

 

Species: Unicorn

 

Cutie Mark: Dark Mist's cutie mark is that of cracked glass, representing her going mad.

 

Image of cutie mark:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Personality:

 

Sadistic and fallen to madness, this makes Dark Mist dangerous and not a foe to be taken lightly. She enjoys any pain and suffering her enemies go through, often inducing them. She is also arrogant and seems to display an air about her as if she were royalty. Also will play a game of cat and mouse with her guards, instilling fear and respect to anypony who doesn't give it. One thing she hates most, is not receiving any fear responses, this makes her upset and often results in her tormenting the victim. Anypony would be lucky to not be turned into a decoration for the castle garden, a fate which she uses earth magic to make the victim a statue and has them placed in it; the expression of fear still on their face. 

 

 

Backstory:

 

Dark Mist is a unicorn mare, she was born in Trottingham, a small fishing village. Here she lived with her parents until two ponies came to town to ask for their daughter's help in studying magic, agreeing to it, they have Dark Mist come with them. But once out of sight, they throw her in the caravan with the other fillies and colts, where they are taken to the underground facility. There they are given a number, and only referred to by it, never their names. Each were tested in an experiment in dark magic, but Dark Mist is put in isolation for trying to escape the day after. After a week in isolation, she is escorted to the testing chambers, where she sees none of the fillies and colts that came here with her. Only one assumption came to mind; they didn't make it. Her first day is spent hitting targets with dark magic, her resilience is what impresses Rosa Thorns, the boss of the facility and staff. But when asked to dispose of her friend, she refuses and is force fed a potion to make her obey; to which she does without much hesitation and ends her friends life.

 

Now back in isolation, she cries for her friend who she made three days earlier during the ride to the facility. Dark Mist can only berate herself for being so weak minded, that potion was a weaker version, meant for fillies and colts. But was enough to make her do the deed. After the second day, Dark Mist is taken to the testing chamber, where she is greeted by Solar Mane, standing; chained to the floor with a collar around his neck. After several painful shocks from that collar, she finally snaps, the madness taking over and attacks Rosa sending her to the abyss,where dark mist toys with her emotions, deriving pleasure from the pain, suffering and humiliation from Rosa. But the biggest enjoyment is the fear; the one thing that drives her to keep Rosa alive and gives her ten seconds to run. Getting bored of Rosa, Dark Mist summons the fillies and colts, that Rosa had disposed of. They share the same magic she does. But after having her fun, she let's Rosa go. Hoping next time to have another round at her.

Dark Mist destroys the facility from the inside and makes her escape, Luna receives word and stops Dark Mist, by helping her sister get a clear shot. But the price is both Luna and Dark Mist being trapped inside the dream realm for one hundred years. But fate has a twisted sense of humor when she is brought out and her memories erased and replaced by false ones; this eliminates any chance of her being able to sue her magic. Dark Mist is sent to live in Filly Hills, a small village of ponies who favor technology over magic and meets a new friend, Starlight;a pony charged with watching over Dark Mist until the day comes to reapply the spell. Other:

Dark Mist can use fire, water, earth and dark magic with ease. But also can manipulate the shadows around her and overwhelm her enemies. But that's not all she can do, Dark Mist can change into a shadow like mist(like King Sombra can), she uses this to travel around, but often keeps a low profile so not to be caught.

 

 

Theme:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7KryjbrL_A

By not using her magic, i mean she would have to learn it all over again. The memories being erased is a countermeasure so that she can't remember who he was, but her name. This means if she ever recovered those memories, she'd go back to the sadistic and insane pony she was before.

Edited March 10, 2015 by Candy Star

[twilight24 323]

Yes! I like it very much you put thought , effort and energy into your character and it shows. Keep up the good work!