Everfree forest demo, advice?

[Fire Lily 86]

I hope this is in the right place.

 

Here's the story. A couple years back I started working on a theme for my OC Lily. It went through about 4 key changes, eventually ending in a variation of Fm achieved through detuning my guitar. However it never got finished. It was supposed to start off painting a picture of the Everfree Forest in a cold, dark, winters night and move through some happier and sad movements. I never got the transistions right and I was never happy with it.

 

Here's where this one comes in. One day back in May I was still trying to play with it and getting nowhere. Eventually I broke off on something different and this happened. Totally different to what I normally do and I wanted to know if it's something I should work on more, still inspired by the Everfree though. And I'm finally brave enough to post it to get opinions or maybe some advice on how to make it better, I already have some plans though.

 

It's in four movements, first one is entering the forest and noticing something in the trees, the second is being chased by the something, third is entering a peaceful clearing, and the fourth is returning back to ponyville...I think, haven't listened to it in ages myself.

This is just a demo, please ignore the loud buzzing in the beginning, no idea what that is and too lazy to remove it.

2015-05-30 (1).mp3

[Stuffy Hooves 143]

I like it. 

 

the first one was great, very peaceful and serene

 

The second one, Though it did pick up, I think needs more tempo, the pauses between chords should only be there I think, if you visualize turns on the chase or ducking or jumping

 

the third one was peaceful, great I think

 

The last one was good as well it did feel like homecoming

[Fire Lily 86]

Well I actually did redo the second part and didn't save it. I really planned on it being more of a tribal feel that didn't come out there, maybe it's just not suited well for a solo guitar though? if you listen to Let's Shake Some Dust by Volbeat kind of what the beat is like there is what I'm thinking of, just less western.

[Stuffy Hooves 143]

I just listened to it. It's great. it would work better especially with more intensity. Hope to here from it in the future

[BlueBrony 388]

This demo has a lot of great creative potential.

1st part: I feel like the first one would be really good with an atmospheric backgound. Also, at times i think the pattern should be played a little slower to emphasize the mysterious nature of the forest

 

2nd part: I feel like a little different strumming pattern would help to bring out the intensity of this section. Cant put my finger on exactly what though

 

3rd part: I feel like all this needs is a little atmospheric background

 

4th part: I definitely feel the triumph of this section. It could maybe be even better if it started a little more calmly and then worked up to the full strum pattern at the end

 

good luck! hope to hear it when it is finished!

[Fire Lily 86]

Well I don't know how to add atmosphere or anything like that really...I'm just a guitarist with some good recording gear  

 

I'll definitely take the rest in mind though in reworking it 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Okay, here we go

 

1st movement: It seems a little too fast for the Everfree Forest. Perhaps give an irregular pattern of delays in between each appreciated line. It gets a little repetitive with just the broken arppegiated chords. Perhaps add a top line of notes, small licks and runs. With what you have, it lacks the mysteriousness of the Everfree. What you really need is some rubato, which is free-motion and basically lacking tempo. In terms of your chords, you were sticking with a root of G a little too much. You could've used the vi, the minor IV with a 9 or even an 11. I noticed how you put some 9s and 11s in there, but perhaps a bit of the tritone would work as well. 

 

2nd movement: The strumming...it doesn't really feel like a chase to me...more like a nice jog in the forest. Give it some 16th note runs on a G minor 9 chord leading into a progression that consists of the iv+9, the VII+11 and even the VI+13. If you're going to strum at all, give it that latin vibe. A latin vibe almost always goes well with chase scenes played on guitar. Also, for the end, build up to a VI+9, then lead into a VII+9 and hang on the up-strum. This means you'll mute the strings as soon as you strum up. 

 

3rd movement: The third movement sounds WAY to similar to the first movement. You're in that 6/8 rhythm. Again, rubato is your best friend here. Why not put a bit of Major key action in here. Besides, this is a peaceful clearing after all. What you can also do...if you want to keep the minor in there, is transfer to the relative major. You were in the key of d minor. You could easily change to F major, by just ascending up to the ii and then the III, which is F major. 

 

4th movement: Sounds to similar to the 2nd movement. What I suggest is allude to the MLP theme, but don't actually play it. What I mean is, include patterns that you would find in the MLP theme, but not exactly like the MLP theme. I see you chose D major, which is in fact the same key that the theme is in. If you want to keep strumming, mix it up with broken chords. Sticking in that E major chord around 5:45 was a little awkward. You used the V of V, but then just went back to the IV. If you wanted to fake out this modulation, it would be better to hit the ii of the IV, which in this case is a minor, then the V, which is D. Then hit the I, which is G. If you wanted to go back to D from here, you could simply hit the V of and V, which is A, then resolve to the I. 

 

This piece could use quite a bit of work...but I can certainly help you. 

[Fire Lily 86]

@@C. Thunder Dash, 

 

Well I was going to send you a pm but it's not going to let me so I'll just put it here. 

 

For the first movement it's kind of hard to break it up when I'm not using real chords per se. Even worse when you're going into way more theory then someone that taught himself knows  

But I'm tuned a whole step down (for this song anyway, usually I play in C standard) so that would have to be adjusted too for the chords I think. Basicly the "root" I guess I started with is 2nd fret D string and 4th fret G string and played everything else open, picking around it and moving that shape up and down the fretboard. so let's start with what you think of that for advising the change to the first movement keeping that in mind and going from there. 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

I have a topic somewhere on the forums that explains what I said. It's in the music subsection of the creative resources of the forums. I could tell you had drop tuned your guitar to drop C I believe. But yeah, I can help you understand what I stated.