Princess Celestia is a Stoner

[Cheval 61]

 

If you would not mind me ranting for a moment, My "head cannon" is that Princess Celestia - the tall, white, god-horse of the sun - is actually a stoner.

 

Like...a total druggy. Weed, LSD, Ecstasy, Xanax. 

 

Despite the theories surrounding either "Trollestia" or "Molestia," I think her motherly, passive, all-knowing expositional reliability is reliant upon one thing: narcotics.

 

She has spent 1,000 years in virtual solitude, occasionally showing up for ceremonies and state functions, waiting for someone else to take up her mantel as the protectors of her empire.

 

She bailed on a town which had been clearly devastated by a parasite just to make her homie feel okay. 

 

She has forgotten that she owns a phoenix. Seriously, where is that thing?

 

She once showed up out of nowhere during a marathon because the trees looked pretty.

 

During the first Grand Galloping Gala, she galloped into the castle on an arc of sparkles, spent the entire evening standing in one place saying hi to people, and wandered into a doughnut shop at like...3 in the morning. During the second, the newest character of the entire show was Tree Huger (coincidence? I think not!) She was, again, standing around but this time watched a god of chaos almost banish a hippie to the puppet dimension - her response? "lol."

 

When Granny Smith's family arrived in Canterlot, she stopped a royal chariot to inspect 'unidentified seeds which had been collected from all around the world,' and proceeded to give them some of the best farmland in the empire a few miles away from the capital.

 

During an attack by a parasitic bug-horse on a royal function, she actually fought it, but wound up spending the rest of the crisis (I can only assume) lying in the middle of a cathedral passed out - too much champagne, perhaps?  

 

During the equivalent of the Equestrian Olympics, her sole act in the entire episode was to gesture in the direction of Twilight's throne, and it is the most drawn-out motion of a hoof in the entire show.

 

Her most famous character trait? Love of cake.

 

Every other appearance has revolved around delegating responsibilities to someone other than her. 

 

What exactly would someone with infinite wealth and privacy do during their spare time?!

 

I say toke up, 420 evry day. 

 

I call her Brolestia.

 

And it made me wonder: what crazy head canon to you have about a character that no one else seems to have?

Edited November 7, 2016 by Cheval

[ashi 261]

This is why I (usually) avoid anything that says "head-canon". 

[EmeraldStar04 250]

*joseph voice*

 

Ohhh myyyy god.