writing New World (A preview)

[Elric 42]

So, I have been working on a short story for quite a long time. If any of you guys bother to read it, I would appreciate any comments/critiques on the writing and story. I've been working really hard on it lately, so I can eventually release a chapter every week. I started around January of this year. So, here you go. Really hope the people who read this enjoy it! If you don't, tell me what you didn't like.

 

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Prologue:

 

It seemed there was a voice calling to me in the beginning;

 

Find me...

 

The voice called to me and I had an urge to answer it, and I took the bait immediately. For every quest there is an end. Mine, although I haven’t found what I was looking for, has ended. Here I am, the fox that was so determined to find what he was looking for in a cage hopelessly laying on the ground. A prisoner of humans. I am Elric, and this is my story.

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Chapter 1

 

I was the last one to open my eyes. All of my brothers and sisters saw the world for the first time before I did. Eventually they all left to start their lives, as for me, my eyes were still sealed closed. Mother was worried for me, but she still took care of me. She fed me her milk for food and although I never got the chance to ever see her, I distinctly remember her voice. I remember her voice, a voice so soothing and peaceful it could lull me to sleep at times. She would sing to me. She would say my name and when she spoke I felt so safe, like a guardian angel was carefully watching over me. Before I would fall asleep I would hear her voice whisper my name.

 

“Elric.”

 

She said my name so smoothly and I always remember her comforting warmth. It all changed though. One day my mother went out. I felt her warmth leave me and felt the chill of wind for the first time. I waited for her patiently almost positive she would come back to see me and I would hear her comforting voice one last time. She never returned. My eyes cracked and for the first time all I saw was light. At first it was startling to see for the first time. I was completely comfortable with the darkness I had seen for the first few weeks of my life. The light was so bright to my eyes. Before I knew it the light turned into a blur and that blur turns into shades, and the shades became more and more distinct until they were colors and objects. This was the world. Strange, mysterious and frightening. I knew that I was a fox. I knew how to walk, and see. I didn't know much. For the first time I looked around to see where I lived for the first days of my short sheltered life. A little tunnel under the ground. Warm, secure and dark, but as I looked at the blinding light ahead of me I couldn’t shake the feeling of lurking danger. I used my strength that I didn't even know I had. I must have developed this strength all this time I was laying down against my mother, when my eyes were still sealed shut. Before I knew it I was standing. Steadily I put one paw in front of the other as I made my way towards the light which was blinding me. Step by steady step I inched towards it. Soon I started to move a little faster, and before I knew it I started to walk and was out of the old shelter in which I called home. Giant trees loomed above me, and the leaves on the ground seemed to have completely covered the mix of dirt and grass.

 

It took me awhile to get used to this world I was so suddenly thrown into. So strange and full of wonders, it was hard getting out and on my feet. I was confused, a little bit scared, but I managed to survive. I learned how to get my own food, hunting came natural to me and to be quite frank it was a thrill to chase down your food to eat. Not only a thrill, but also rewarding as well. I learned the ways of the forest, the seasons and the weather patterns and dug my shelters before rainy nights and blizzards. Time passed and I began to forget about my mother and that old dark shelter. I became independent and I soon knew a part of the forest like the back of my paw. I survived, and well... thats it. I didn't have any motive in my life except to simply survive. One night I had a dream. In it I was in pure darkness. It surrounded me. Then suddenly, out of the darkness came a light, and with the light I heard a voice repeating:

 

Find me...

 

I awoke in my den startled and panting. It was then I realized it was merely a dream. Then I realized what I had to do. I remembered my mother’s soothing voice. It was the same voice in the dream. I suddenly knew what I had to do. I was going to find my mother.

[Finesthour 7,286]

Sorry this took so long. Honestly forgot.

 

My critique:

• Not much I can really say about a short piece, other than the story flows nicely.
• Your sentences are evened out and where it is easy to read and understand.
• The plot of the story may be mysterious and unkown as of now, but it is already interesting.

I honestly need to read more before I give it a higher rating. Eagerly waiting for more.

4/5