Semi-Experimental Double/Triple Story

[Ganaram Inukshuk 3,682]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that inception jokes are far too cliché, but in this scenario, it's the primary basis.

 

General idea is that Ganaram (my yet-to-be-registered OC) has his own story ideas that he loosely bases off his own life, but as he continues, he figures out how insignificant his own life is.

 

And because I'm currently offloading it off-site at the moment,...

 

https://docs.google....Jl2KrVmhlc/edit

 

I figured that I'd be able to share this idea (because I essentially never did before, and all the times I did before was with just one reviewer). Essentially I needed a bigger audience and actual advice... If this proves too confusing or too over-the-top, I can essentially strip one clean from the other, and if it proves to be unsuccessful, I can easily pull the plug on it.

 

EDIT: Chapter updated; Additional notes added.

Edited July 13, 2012 by Ganaram Inukshuk

[MrL0LZ 866]

I found the idea of Ganaram writing a story loosely based on his life very creative. +

Bringing the mystery about why Patrick was sad hooked me on to reading more. +

 

The lack a using the names of the characters names in the story made me forgot who was talking at the moment. -

That or I have bad memory.

I'm definitely inclined to read more.

Edited July 11, 2012 by MrL0LZlicious

[Jadefire 2,797]

Story!Ganaram's a little bit neurotic, isn't he? So far, so good. The only issue I saw was that it was a little bit unclear on who was talking when the scene first shift to Ganaram, which made it a bit difficult to understand what happened when Ganaram suddenly left his friends behind (and you accidentally referred to Gem as "he" at the beginning).

 

Apart from that, though, it was a good read. You were able to keep my interest in reading up to the end, which isn't very common in stories I read these days, which means you're doing something right.

 

In short, you did good and I'm interested in reading more.

[Electrobolt 2,069]

Ganaram, the story, like Jadefire said, is looking to be a pretty good read from what you put up there. Though seeing that you said it was cancelled made me a bit upset... Just because you don't have much interest right away does NOT mean there won't be more interest in the future! Come on, Ganaram, revive this story? I really want to know what happens next! Don't leave us hanging!

[Guest]

A little short, but from what I've read so far -- sweet. Try to avoid using too many punctuation in quick succession, i.e. '!!!' or '?!!'.

Go for basic word-flow over bombastic word use. If a word seems out-of-place and halts the reader's interest, the sentence becomes disoriented and the sense of immersion shaken. Find easygoing synonyms to enhance the reader's intrigue and effectively pull them into your world.

 

Writing is a great thing. I never read fan-fiction. My stance stands firm, but I'm fine with reading and critiquing your drafts. They aren't as bad as I thought most would be. Now, grovel at my feet, quake in my presence, and beg for more underlying praise!

He he!

[Nightfall 3,950]

Wow!

 

I don't see why you don't like your own writing! It's brilliant!

[Prince Midnight 817]

dat story.....i like it x3, sorry, im not good at reviews and all that

Edited July 12, 2012 by Midnight Moon

[Ganaram Inukshuk 3,682]

I've "updated" the story with an explanation of how things are supposed to work out. Long story short, there are a few pieces of advice that, if I did follow, would effectively force me to pull the plug.

 

See the original link.