writing I've Had This Idea for a While

[Dr_Waveband 745]

I came up with an idea I thought could make an interesting short story. It's pretty gloomy and sombre, so quit now if that's not your thing.

 

The story is somewhat inspired by H. P. Lovecraft, which becomes more prominent later on. I just wrote the beginning for it (it won't actually be very long at all) and would appreciate some thoughts on my writing style and on how interesting the text is.

Note that it's supposed to be rather laconic and colourless; that's a choice of style.

 

 

http://sta.sh/010buwhfuiwb

 

 

Many thanks to anyone willing to comment!

[Master Chief 184]

Sounds great! I might help you out a bit since I cant think of anything for my "novels" XD I still don't understand the full plot though

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Sounds great! I might help you out a bit since I cant think of anything for my "novels" XD I still don't understand the full plot though

 

Yeah, the plot is supposed to be revealed slowly. The point is, is the beginning interesting and informative enough that the reader would want to learn the whole plot?

 

Thanks for being willing to help, but I don't really need help in the actual writing. I'm just looking for opinions, such as: should I change my style in some way or should I give a bit more or less exposition?

 

Also, it would be interesting to hear your speculation on where the story's going. I want to keep it unpredictable.

[Dr.RedundantPh.D 60]

I like the way it started out too. It kind of reminds me of fallout. And on where the story is going i can't say much so far, other than please don't be unpredictable just for the sake of being unpredictable.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

People seem to rather like the beginning. I'll continue the story soon, stay tuned!

 

 

 

(Propably not adding additional characters to the story.)

[Carolina 212]

Wow, this is great so far! I can't wait to see what is going to happen! How old is the main character/narrator when his (her? I can't actually tell ) mother dies?

 

The voice is really strong. You can tell this is someone detached from his/her situation who longs for something more. Actually kind of reminds me of a short story I wrote awhile back in creative writing class.

[Dr_Waveband 745]

Wow, this is great so far! I can't wait to see what is going to happen! How old is the main character/narrator when his (her? I can't actually tell ) mother dies?

 

The voice is really strong. You can tell this is someone detached from his/her situation who longs for something more. Actually kind of reminds me of a short story I wrote awhile back in creative writing class.

 

Thanks for the feedback! I'd really have no idea how good my writing is without it; I've never taken writing classes or anything of the sort.

 

I purposefully left the protagonist a mystery, but I suppose I could tell you how I imagine her. She's pretty young, which is not apparent due to her unusual life... I'd say about sixteen years old.

 

I'll continue (or finish, even) the story within a couple of days' time, depending on how much studying and the such I have. It's good to hear there's someone out there who appreciates my work!