Dimitri's Fanfic updates!

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

Well I'm starting to write a Fanfic about my OC Dimitri and his life leading up to now. I was wondering if you guys could see how I'm doing so far and let me know how I could improve in anyway. Thanks again Comrades

 

Updated when I update it....like now

 

 

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Comrade Dimitri Hammer in "Anguish and affection."

 

Chapter One

 

A winter breeze enters the open window of a small cottage. Inside a young colt is reading a book of historical events. "Dimitri!" A voice breaks the silence "Your father needs you, darling." Dimitri closes the book and runs down the stairs bumping into his mother on the bottom. "Watch your hooves little one." "Is father in the workshop?" Dimitri's mother rubs his mane and nods.

 

As Dimitri trots through the house he looks around at the traditional layout of the furniture. Warm and comfortable chairs and sofas fill the space in the living room. Old pictures of relatives and flags adorn the walls. One picture in particular stands out. A picture of a Unicorn who is missing most of his mane and has a grey and coarse goatee. Little Dimitri kneels to the picture of the Unicorn and then exits the room.

 

"Morning Dimitri, did you honor Lenoy yet?" Dimitri's father turns around from his forge and wipes grease off of his gloves. "Yes pop." Dimitri walks over and hugs his father. "I called you down because I was wondering if you could pick up some iron ingots from Mr. Resky after you meet Lenoy today." "Of course pop! I still have some time before I need to leave. Need anything else?" Dimitri's father grabs a bucket near the forge and brings it back. "I wanted to show you the buckles we were making. How'd they turn out?"

 

Dimitri looks into the bucket, several belt buckles rest on the bottom. Made of shining silver with brass clips the buckles seemed to glow. "They look fantastic pop! How did I do?" "You are a wonderful smith son, you'll be just like your old man one day. Now run along before you miss your first lesson." Dimitri hugs his father and heads back into the house to retrieve his coat. "Be safe Dimi." Dimitri's mother hugs him tightly. "I've been doing this for three years now mom. Lenoy will take care of me." "Of course Dimi, just keep your jacket on and be home before dusk." Dimitri, finally released from his mother's lung collapsing hug, opens the front door and lets the crisp winter air flow through his mane.

 

Moscolt is the capital of Sovestria. The Hammer household was situated in the merchants quarter of the city. Dimitri passed by many neighbors on the way to the palace. Artists, architects, carpenters and more live in this part of the city. As Dimitri passed the school yard he saw many colts looking at him. "Too good for school Unicorn?!" several students laughed and pointed at Dimitri. "You'll never be a true Sovestrian, Magic Head!" Dimitri shrugged the insults off and kept walking. Being born a Unicorn was rare in Sovestria. The founding ponies were Earth and Pegasus ponies. They thought that Unicorns were evil and lazy. Only recently thanks to Lenoy were rights given to Unicorns. If you were a unicorn before Lenoy was in power you'd be thrown in prison or exiled. Dimitri was rare, his parents were both Earth ponies. He was the only Unicorn besides Lenoy in Moscolt. Hatred still existed for Unicorns though. Most older ponies grew up learning to discriminate against Unicorns.

 

Dimitri arrived at the palace and waited at the gate. "Hello again Dimitri." A elderly guard walked up on the other side of the gate. "Hello Mr. Derko. How are you today?" "I'm fine as always, just a little cold." Derko unlocked the gate and pulled it open. Dimitri walked up the long pathway leading to the palace. The palace was actually small, but the quality of the architecture made up for the size of the building. Hand painted domes sat on the roof and layered cobble bricks made up the walls. Dimitri knocked on the large oak doors and before he could knock again a stout gentleman opened the door. "Master Lenoy is in his office, follow me."

 

The Halls were decorated with portraits of former rulers and coats of armor. A elegant silk rug lined the floor and split off two ways at each intersection. From the main hallway you could see into every other room. A grand dining hall with a large round table, a large personal library filled with every Sovestrian book ever written, and at the end of the hall was a large archway that lead into Lenoy's office. The office was spacious and warm. A fireplace roared in the corner of the room. Lenoy was sitting at his desk looking out of his window. All of the public quarter was visible from out the window.

 

"Chairman Trotmir?" Dimitri kicked at the ground and looked around nervously. Lenoy swung around in his armchair and eyed Dimitri with a stern look. They both stared at each other. "You're late Dimitri." Lenoy spoke under his breath. "I had to help my father with something before I left." Lenoy's mouth started to twitch and both ponies broke out in a fit of laughter. "Come here little Dimitri. It is good to see you again!" Lenoy rustled Dimitri's mane and patted his back. "I hope your weekend was nice and relaxing because we have some serious work to do this week." Lenoy and Dimitri walked out of the office and headed towards the library.

 

As they approached the archway a large young stallion stepped in front of them both. He was built like a tank and had a tense but straight posture, a curly mustache hanged off his face and his eyes were gleaming with intent. "What do you need Stalhoof?" Lenoy's voice was strained and annoyed "I need you to sign some bills sir. They're rather important and I see that you're doing nothing important at the moment." "Actually Stalhoof, I'm in the middle of teaching Dimitri today. You'll need to get me later. You're dismissed." Lenoy rolled his eyes and entered the library. As Dimitri was entering the library, Stalhoof grabbed him by his mane and pulled him close."You listen to me you unicorn. I should be Lenoy's protege. You are not worthy of his teachings. Just you wait, Lenoy cannot protect you and your family forever." Stalhoof released Dimitri and scampered away into the kitchen.

 

"Where were you Dimitri?" Lenoy asked "I was, um, having a chat with Mr. Stalhoof." Dimitri avoided looking into Lenoy's eyes. "Listen to me Dimitri, if he ever bothers you just tell me. I know that he is still angry over the fact that I picked you instead of him but he needs to understand that you are special. I see bad things in him, and I hope that he changes. Anyway...where were we?" Dimitri's horn lit up and a book levitated from the case down to the table. "We were reading the book by Sorceress Anetail." Dimitri and Lenoy conversed about and practiced the magic used by Anetail for hours. "Wow, look at the time! I'm sorry Lenoy but I need to get home. I still need to run an errand for my father." "It's fine Dimitri, you did well today. I'll see you tomorrow!" Lenoy patted Dimitri's back and walked him to the front door.

 

The sun was setting and the wind began to kick up. Snow was beginning to fall upon the now quiet city. Dimitri was worried, he had never been out so late on a weekday. Even though the city was bustling in the morning most ponies went to bed very early. Dimitri walked down the dark silent street. The shine of candles in nearby windows lit up the street just enough for Dimitri to see where he was going. Mr. Resky's house was the brightest on the street, for he was a known coward. Dimitri knocked on the door and waited for a response. The door opened, a bald headed old man with thick glasses stood there. He was shivering and wearing a blanket. "Oh Dimitri, you gave me a terrible fright. I thought you were going to rob me." "Relax Mr. Resky I'm here to pick up the ingots my father wanted."

 

Mr. Resky, still shivering, walked into his house and came back with a knapsack. "100 iron ingots! Sure that you can carry that Dimitri?" Dimitri lifted the bag into his back and nodded. "Of course I can! I was taught by the strongest pony in Sovestria." Mr. Resky smiled and waved goodbye to Dimitri. Dimitri ran back to his house as fast as he could and opened the door. Inside was his mother. "Oh Dimi you scared me senseless! Do you know how late it is?" Dimitri's mother ran up to him and squeezed him tightly. "I'm sorry....mom....but Lenoy was...teaching me new magic.....we must of forgot the time...." Dimitri's father was in his armchair smoking a cigar. "It's fine Dimitri, I'm just happy that you're safe. I also see that you got the ingots! Excellent job son."

 

Dimitri gave the bag of ingots to his father and went upstairs. His bedroom was just the way he left it. Filled with books and posters of Lenoy and paintings of snowy landscapes. His bed was in the corner of the room, all clean and well made. Dimitri was happy, his life could not be any better. His schedule continued like this for many months. Helping his father, learning from Lenoy, being harassed by mean ponies on the weekdays and having fun on the weekends.

 

Chapter 2

 

Another cold morning in Sovestria. This time though the roads were not yet cleared of snow. A blizzard struck the city during the night. Dimitri was twitching in his bed. His horn was glowing bright and was emanating a strange sound. "What....huh....what's happening?" Dimitri groggily slurred as he awoke from a deep sleep. The glow dimmed down and returned back to normal. Dimitri, now partially awake, got out of bed and headed towards his bookcase. He pulled out a book and began to read "Random glowing of horn.... Imminent disaster? Huh? Oh wait....it means that either something terrible is going to happen or I'll learn something life changing."

 

Dimitri shrugged and placed the book back. "The book could be wrong, we didn't record many things about unicorns until Lenoy took over. Most of it was probably just speculations by earth ponies." Dimitri thought this to himself as he walked downstairs. The house was dead silent, it was so early in the morning that it was still moderately dark. He could hear the snoring of his parents as he walked toward the living room window. White blankets coated the roads of Moscolt, and several young ponies frolicked around playing games.

 

Dimitri was envious of their cheerfulness. He could not partake in their games as he would be mocked viciously by the "true" citizens of Sovestria. Secretly he'd give anything to be just like them, but he knew that being a Unicorn is what made him special. Ignoring the fillies and colts Dimitri stepped away from the window and went to his father's forge room. The well ventilated room still smelled of burnt wood and metals. Dimitri, still yawning from his sudden wake up, walked over to the forge and sat on his father's stool. A piece of paper was lying dangerously close to the forge.

 

Dimitri recovered the paper and began to read it. The paper contained Schematics for a strange machine made to fire some kind of projectile. A signature was freely scribbled on the bottom of the blueprint, Jakob Stalhoof. "Stalhoof? What does the Secretary of Heath and Human services want with this, and why is he asking My father to do this?" Dimitri was frightened and confused at the discovery of this. Creaking came from the kitchen and a voice spoke."Dimi? Why are you in the forge and why are you awake at this hour?"

 

Dimitri placed the paper back on the forge and entered the kitchen. His mother was still wearing her pajamas and was starting breakfast. "I had a nightmare mom, that's all." "I'm just happy that you're okay. Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes, go wake up your lazy father for me." Dimitri smirked and bolted upstairs. His father was sleeping soundly in an awkward position on the bed. "Pop, wake up pop! It's time to wake up." Dimitri's father spastically fell out of the bed. "Oh, Dimitri why did you yell?" "I had to get your attention somehow. You're a deep sleeper." Dimitri's father laughed and hugged him.

 

After breakfast Dimitri packed his bag and left for Lenoy's palace. Yet again he needed to get ingots for his father, but Lenoy comes first. Staring at the beautiful snow Dimitri didn't see the pony blocking his path. He slammed into the colt and slammed into the snow. "Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" Dimitri quickly apologized as he picked himself up. "It's my fault Dimitri, I wasn't paying attention." Dimitri looked at the pony, it was Whetgreg the Farmer. A close family friend and the one of the few citizens who respected Dimitri.

 

"What a way to see you again Whetgreg. I'd love to stay and chat but I must be going." "Can you hold on a second Dimitri? I need a favor done." Dimitri bit his lip and seemed anxious to leave, but his pride was too much for him to counter anymore. "What do you need Whetgreg?" "I could use some help with delivering my grain from the mill to the silos today. Think you can help?" Dimitri nodded and planned to stop by after meeting Lenoy. For the rest of the way to the palace Dimitri felt overworked, yet he could never deny helping his friends.

 

After arriving at the palace Dimitri was still uncomfortable. So much was happening this morning with excessive work and the weird note from Stalhoof. Lenoy could sense how Dimitri felt. "Are you okay little comrade? I can tell that you're not feeling yourself." "Well, I agreed to more work than I can do today amdI know that it's a lot but I cannot help but feel like I need to do it." Lenoy laughed and grabbed a book from his personal shelf. "Oh little Dimitri, I think that it is time you read about Hans Marks. The way you are, your talents and personality, is all described in this book. You are a true patriot of Sovestria. Even though others might say differently." Lenoy handed Dimitri the book, "A True Sovestrian" by Hans Marks.

 

"That's why I picked you Dimitri, you display all the traits of a perfect Comrade. I also chose you because I sense that you are going to be a very important pony." Dimitri smiled and looked at his flank. "Does that mean I will get a Mark hat no pony has ever gotten before?" "It's possible, you are very special and I would be shocked if you didn't get a new Mark." The rest of their time together Lenoy and Dimitri discussed Hans Marks' studies. After several hours Dimitri packed up and left. It was still bright out and he decided to go help Whetgreg and get the ingots.

 

During dinner Dimitri was nervous about asking his father about Stalhoof's request. "What's wrong Dimitri? You seem anxious?" His father said while eating "I woke up early this morning and I wanted to clean up your forge, but It was already cleaned. I saw a letter from Stalhoof too." Dimitri's father paused and shook his head. "That, man, asked me to build him some kind of weapon. I respectfully declined to partake in his ideas. We've hated that man since he got into government. He has made nothing but terrible decisions and I'm suprised that Lenoy has not fired that incompetent fool yet." "I completely agree, besides he's had a grudge on this family for as long as I can remember." Dimitri's mother added to the conversation.

 

"A grudge? What grudge? You've never told me this!" Dimitri asked angrily. "Calm down son, I'll tell you why he hates the Hammer Family. Your grandfather Nikolus Hammer was a famous silver smith. He won the affection of the Chairman at the Time, Ivanoa Westsky, because he made the most beautiful goblets and dishes in the land. Stalhoof's father Dutev was also a silversmith. He became very jealous of your grandfather because he used to be the best silversmith. One thing lead to another and Stalhoof's family was horribly disgraced. Dutev, a veteran at his craft, was beaten by a unknown rookie silversmith."

 

Dimitri smirked "So our family has been a thorn in his side for a while? That's hilarious." Dimitri's father laughed and "punched" his son in the forearm. "The Old Hammer family motto 'Be strong and helpful, but always be the best you can be.'" The family laughed the rest of the night.

 

Chapter 3

 

Another cold morning, but this time it felt different. The crisp air felt heavier than usual, and not a single pony was out on the streets. Dimitri woke up and realized the time. "Oh no? I'm late for my meeting! Why didn't my parents wake me up?" Dimitri trotted towards his door. No smell of breakfast, no deep laughing and no sounds. His parents were usually loud in the mornings. "Maybe they're both still sleeping?" Dimitri poked his head into his parents room. The bed sheets were folded but his parents weren't there.

 

Dimitri grew concerned. "Um, maybe they're out shopping and thought it was a good idea to leave me home alone." He walked downstairs, no notes or anything to indicate his parents departure. "I'd better just get to Lenoy's already." Dimitri waked outside. No pony was out, it was freezing cold and the air was thick. Dimitri cautiously walked down the street and looked at the surrounding houses. Each house on the street was broken into, and graffiti was on each door reading "Traitors of the Revolution.". Dimitri was worried and scared, this has never happened before. He thought of his parents and of his neighbors.

 

Posters were hanging on the archway leading to the public district. Posters of Stalhoof? "What has happened to Sovestria?" Dimitri shrieked and ran towards Lenoy's palace. The palace was still standing ,but the overall feeling emitting off the walls felt evil. Dimitri peeked inside and saw Stalhoof sitting at the grand table with the other advisors and many guards. Dimitri began to tear up "What has happened? Where is Lenoy, and where are my parents?" From inside the palace Stalhoof looked up at the window. He noticed Dimitri and gave a evil grin. He spoke to a guard and started to laugh.

 

Dimitri ran from the palace and sprinted home. Guards were chasing right behind him. He ran inside his house and ran upstairs to his room. The guards ran right in and grabbed him by the mane. "Let go of me! What have you done!" "Silence Unicorn!" The guards struck Dimitri in the head and he blacked out. Dimitri awoke in a tiny grey room. A large metal door was the only way in and out. "What? What happened?" Dimitri barley spoke as his voice was breaking.

 

The door opened and a robust colt entered. "What do you think Dimitri? Do you like the new Sovestria?" Stalhoof let out a large grin. "Where is Lenoy? Where are my parents?!" "Oh my old friend Lenoy is safe and sound tied up in the dungeon. As for your parents, I do not know of them yet. I'll tell you what, how about I let you go see them. I'll give you a day to reconcile with them." Dimitri couldn't talk. He was full of rage and saddness. "Run off little Dimitri, your parents should be home by now."

 

Stalhoof yelled for a guard and had Dimitri escorted out of the jail. Once Dimitri got outside he sprinted as fast as he could. Dimitri bursted into his house and looked around. He yelled for his parents and looked around the first floor. Dimitri heard a sound from upstairs. He ran into his parents room and stopped dead in his tracks. Tears welled in his eyes and he began to violently shake. His parents were both lying on the bed, beaten and bloody. Dimitri ran up to the bed. He couldn't think, he just laid his hooves on his parents and sobbed, writhing with despair and rage.

 

Hours passed before he could even move again. His body was immobile and his throat stung, yet his mind was screaming. A note was on the nightstand, written in blood. Dimitri, still violently shaking, looked at the note. "Check the closet." That's all that was written. He couldn't stop crying, even though his eyes burned with each tear and his throat ached with every breath. Dimitri walked to his parents closet and checked inside. A safe was in the corner. His strength was depleted. He could barley drag the safe from the closet. Somehow he managed to bring the safe out and unlock it. Inside was a homemade knapsack, a certificate of birth, and a small box.

 

Dimitri picked up the box and looked inside. A picture of his parents and him as a baby, a necklace and a folded piece of paper. The picture made his body cringe. He placed it back into the box and grabbed the necklace. Crafted out of silver and gold it was shaped like a hammer, he opened it up and saw his parents faces. He carefully put the necklace around his neck and looked back into the box. The only thing left was the folded paper. Dimitri unfolded the paper and began to read. It was his parents will. It was mostly written in somepony else's handwriting and was explaining how their possessions were to be handled. At the very bottom of the paper he noticed a small note. His father's handwriting was clear and easy to read.

 

"Son, this will dictates that all of our possessions now belong to you. Your mother and I both hope that this is in your hands as a young stallion and that you've come to terms with our passing. If you're still a young colt I fear that the worst has happened and pray that you are safe. I know that this is very difficult for you son, but if something has happened to us and if you're in danger you must continue to read. A family friend lives near the Sven River in a small circular shaped building. Pack your things and head to her house. Don't look back, forget this house and all that you've experienced in it. We need you to be strong Dimitri. We've left gear in the safe for you. We love you with all our heart son, but you need to leave Sovestria, especially if Stalhoof had something to do with this. Remember son, we love you and will watch over you."

 

The pencil marks were coated in dried tears. His father couldn't even write this without crying. Dimitri shook his head and tried to scream, but no sound came out. He couldn't look at his parents bodies. He just opened the knapsack, placed everything from the safe into it and ran downstairs. He knew that he'd need to listen to his parents, even though his body screamed at him to stop and collapse. He entered the forge room. His fathers hat was sitting on the chair. Dimitri grabbed the hat and ran upstairs to his room. He grabbed as many books as he could fit in his knapsack and ran back out into the hallway. Stopping at his parents bedroom door Dimitri walked back in and sat near the bed.

 

Tears flowed from his eyes as he looked at his parents. He kissed his mother and father on their foreheads. Dimitri left the room just as his body started to shake. He couldn't take the pain anymore. Walking outside the house Dimitri just collapsed on the door step and began to mournfully and violently sob. He blacked out, hours past before he started to open his eyes. He was no longer on his doorstep, and he couldn't move at all. When his eyes finally adjusted to the darkness he noticed he was strapped to a chair and had shackles around his legs. He knew what had happened, he didn't question how or why he just looked for a way to escape. It seemed impossible....

 

Chapter 4

 

Dimitri was still in the large brass chair, his eyes dry and his throat burning from the sobbing. He looked around and saw nothing. A large grey room with no windows and a large iron door. The smell was awful...it smelled of death and decay. Dimitri heard the shackling sound of keys. The iron door's lock clicked and it opened. Stalhoof stood at the archway.

 

"Well Dimitri, did you enjoy the gift I left for you at your house?" Dimitri snorted and tried to yell, but no sound emerged "Oh save your strength you trash. I found that your parents were rather strong. Actually your mother perished first, such a weak mare she was. Now your father was a strong Stallion. I had to just shoot him in the end, turns out he wouldn't bleed out like your mother did. I Stuck her like a pig."

 

Dimitri's eyes flared red with fury. He struggled to escape his binds, but to no avail. Stalhoof laughed and placed his hoof under Dimitri's chin. He whispered into Dimitri's ear "You're going to suffer, I'll make sure you stay alive for every slice and every stab. And don't think about using your evil magic, I've coated " He smacked Dimitri and called for a guard. A guard wheeled in a tray with many sharp utensils. Stalhoof picked up a scalpel and held Dimitri's face. "The first cut is mine, you'll remember this forever. This scar will stay with you for the rest of your life."

 

Dimitri struggled and began to sweat. "Don't move or I'll cut out your eye!" Stalhoof slammed his hoof into Dimitri's nose and held him again. The blade penetrated the top of Dimitri's forehead by his eyebrow and went down slow and hard. The pain was unbearable, Dimitri couldn't help but to cringe In pain and grind his teeth. Stalhoof lifted the blade just at Dimitri's eye and skipped over it. He kept slicing down just past his eye and stopped at his jaw.

 

The wound stung and blood was pouring out. Dimitri hung his head low and shook. "Expect more than just that..." Stalhoof said as he wiped the blood from the scalpel. "I do hope you live long enough for me to enjoy every single second of your suffering. Sadly, I do have a country to run. Don't worry though, I will have guards come in here and do the job for me." Stalhoof chortled and whispered to the guard. "Looks like that is it from me today, Oleg here will finish up."

 

Stalhoof exited the room. The guard, Oleg, just stood and stared at Dimitri. Dimitri looked up and spoke. "Please, you don't have to do this. You can just leave me." Oleg quivered but shook his head. He walked up to Dimitri with the tray. "I'm sorry little one, but Stalhoof would kill me if he found out I didn't do this." Dimitri stared with shock at Oleg. He didn't understand what could compel a pony to do such evil, even if his life was threatened.

 

Oleg gave a deep breath and picked up a small bronze pipe. He lifted the pipe above his head and closed his eyes. Dimitri looked away and braced himself. Oleg swung the pipe down onto Dimitri's knee. A loud crack followed by a scream. Oleg shuddered but didn't open his eyes, he repeated this motion for several minutes on both knees. Cracking and screaming followed suit. After what seemed like hours Oleg finally stopped. He glanced at Dimitri and immediately looked away. Dimitri gave one final look at Oleg then blacked out.

 

Dimitri woke up suddenly. No dream, just a immediate wake up. He glanced down at his legs and gave a muffled scream. Both of his knees were bruised, bloody and broken. He began to cry. Looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. He began to silently speak. "Please Mom, Pa help me. Help me get out of here. Tell me this is all a nightmare. Tell me I'm still sleeping. Please, please, please...." His sobbing stopped his voice.

 

A loud noise from outside the hallway made him stop. The door unlocked and a guard walked in. This guard wasn't Oleg. "What's happening..." Dimitri tried to speak but the guard slapped him. "Enough talk trash." The guard took a piece of bread and a flask of water from his pocket. "Stalhoof wants you to stay nourished. So eat." Dimitri shook his head, but the guard grasped Dimitri by the jaw and shoved the bread down his throat. He poured the water in after.

 

Dimitri choked on the overflow of water. The guard chuckled and exited the room. Stalhoof appeared at the doorway. "Day two, excited are we? I hope so, for I have more fun prepared for you. That incompetent fool Oleg though will not be.....servicing you......any longer." Dimitri stared silently at him. "What? Nothing to say to me? You usually never stop talking. Well, never mind that. It's time for more fun."

 

Stalhoof yelled for a guard. The guard waked into the room wheeling a large metal box with head straps connected by a long cord "You like?" Stalhoof said as he started to strap the bands to Dimitri's head. "It's a prototype device I've been developing. It runs off of Magic, gives me a reason to keep your useless kind around here I guess. I call this the 'Impulser'." Stalhoof opened a panel on the metal box and turned a knob. A humming noise started to increase in volume. He pressed a button and Dimitri stated to violently shake and yell.

 

Smoke started to rise from Dimitri's head. Stalhoof pressed the button again, Dimitri stopped shaking and vomited. "Did you like that? It sends a impulse throughout your body that stings the nerves and makes you loose muscle control. Powered by your dear friend Lenoy." Dimitri hyperventilated and couldn't speak. Stalhoof looked disappointed, he turned the machine back on. Dimitri once again started to violently thrash.

 

After ten minutes the machine powered down. "What the...?" Stalhoof pounded on the box. "Must've ran out of power....no matter." He grabbed a sawtoothed knife from the tray and ripped Dimitri's leather coat off. He dug the knife into Dimitri's skin repeatedly. Dimitri screamed and struggled to escape. Thirty minutes passed, four carved deep gashes were on his chest. "Four more things to remember me by. Well, my time is up once again. I'll have a guard come in."

 

A guard waiting outside, trotted in and saluted Stalhoof. Stalhoof nodded and exited the room. Dimitri couldn't even cry, he was in so much pain it felt numb. The guard proceeded to beat him, with hooves, the bronze pipe, and a iron flogging stick. Hours passed, and it was a shock that Dimitri was still awake. Though he writhed in pain, he didn't pass out. The day was done and the guard bandaged Dimitri to an extent.

 

Eleven days passed. Each one, from dawn until dusk, was filled with excruciating pain from beatings, stabbings, burnings, and torture equipment. Dimitri was imprisoned in the dungeon for thirteen days altogether. He stopped crying after the fourth day. He gave no expressions, he only screamed and grunted during the sessions.

 

Dimitri woke up, it was nighttime. He didn't look around, he just sat in the chair and waited. A guard entered the room with the tray of utensils. The guard got in Dimitri's face and spoke "Time again scum, but I'll be back. I need to ask if I can use the Impulser." Dimitri spit in the guard's eye. The guard tumbled back into the tray "You little...." He punched Dimitri in the nose then exited the room mumbling to himself.

 

Dimitri spit blood onto the ground and looked around. The tray of utensils was extremely close to his right hoof. His eyes opened wide and he looked towards the iron door. He reached for the tray as best as he could. After several minutes he managed to grab the scalpel. Without hesitation he cut the binds from his right arm and then his left. Distinct marks were imprinted onto his skin.

 

Reaching for the tray once more Dimitri grabbed the sawtooth knife and cut his leg shackles. Hoofsteps echoed throughout the hallway. Dimitri hid behind the iron door. The guard entered the room "No Impulser today Dim...." He stared at the empty chair. "What the..." Before he could finish his sentence Dimitri leapt from the shadows and drove the knife into the guards neck.

 

A grunt and a gurgle followed. The guard's body collapsed on the floor. Dimitri searched his body, a singe key and a sword holster. The sword was too big to carry along, so he just kept the Sawtoothed knife. Dimitri slowly stuck his head out the door and looked around. Just an empty hallway. He exited the room and headed right down hallway.

 

 

Edited November 3, 2012 by Comrade-Dimitri-Hammer

[ParsoOfEquestria 1,490]

I'd say try a new line when someone speaks that way, its not so cramped up, other than that, I'm looking forward to reading more of this

[Clarity 3,094]

W-W-Wall of TEXT!

But really, please split it into paragraphs, because I always say TL;DR for people who write walls of text, so even before I read it, I knew I wouldn't like it. No offense.

 

EDIT: Do you want me to edit it for you?

Edited September 24, 2012 by Clarity

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

I am still new to English writing, any help i can get will be very grateful.

 

  On 2012-09-24 at 4:22 AM, 'Clarity' said:

W-W-Wall of TEXT!

But really, please split it into paragraphs, because I always say TL;DR for people who write walls of text, so even before I read it, I knew I wouldn't like it. No offense.

 

EDIT: Do you want me to edit it for you?

 

 

I wouldn't mind you doing such a nice thing for a strange foreign man.....

 

And that's why I like this forum! So many nice accepting peoples.

Edited November 4, 2012 by Comrade-Dimitri-Hammer

[Ink 191]

Uh, I'm not sure if this was edited since Clarity's comment three days ago, but the text in the OP looks like it's in paragraphs already.

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

What the heck? Why're you down here?

 

 

The real post is above genius!!! So go up there and say how terrible I am at writing in English, for it's not my first language.

Edited November 3, 2012 by Comrade-Dimitri-Hammer