Romance Fic Help

[Shadow Chaser 633]

So, a friend of mine recently issued me a challenge. I write, mostly for fun, but it's normally adventure stories. He challenged me to write a romance story because my adventure stories often times dance around with romantic language and timing but usually nothing comes of it. He wants to see how I could handle the issue of romance. Not being one to turn down a writing challenge, I accepted. He then added that he wanted to story to involve Big Mac and Luna as the main characters of the romance. Admittedly, that is much more of a challenge. So I've got some ideas for how to bring them together and problems they could face but I'm looking for a bit of a brainstorm with you guys.

 

How would you pull Luna and Mac into a relationship or a romance at all, and what challenges would you present them with? Whether it be from the Apple family or Celestia. Or maybe just some outside conflict. I'm a bit stumped at the moment so any and all suggestions are welcome. Thanks!

[Starshine 16,334]

On Big Mac's family side, it would be quite easy. AJ was quick to warm up with Luna on the Nightmare Night, Apple Bloom would be ecstatic to have a Princess as her family, and Granny Smith would be sleeping on her chair, dead to outside world. On the royalty side, I rather doubt Celestia will stand against Luna dating somepony from Ponyville, especially this one is a brother of one of the Element Bearers.

 

My best guess is, the problem would come from Luna and Big Mac themselves. Luna being reluctant to show her interest to the red pony, while the stallion himself was all "eeyup" and "eenope" whenever Luna asks him something. It can be a comedy romantic fic where two socially-awkward ponies try to get together, or an adventure-romance fic where the two should try to know each other to conquer a challenge from a big bad.

 

Well, that's what I got

[miygaiya 138]

So Star Weaver summed it up pretty well. It makes for a better romantic-comedy fic IMO, but as long as you're confident in pulling it off, then full steam ahead, Cap'n.

 

Also, if you want a pre-reader/editor, I'm down. Not an English prof, but I can help ya out if you need it.

[Shadow Chaser 633]

Well, this is what I have worked out so far. I'm just gonna post it because it's only about 1k words that I did tonight and on my phone. So glaring errors, the blame falls to autocorrect. Haha. I admit the setup is a bit weird but so is the pairing so I figured I'd go a bit out there for reasoning behind their getting together. But let me know what you guys think.

 

 

 

Big Mac huffed as he shrugged the plow off. He reveled in this portion of the back fields. It felt like his own private playground from time to time. The main farm had always kept him more than busy, so he'd never had much of a hobby. But now, in this small patch of land, far behind the farm house, and just a little out of the way, he'd found an area to call his own.

 

He looked over what he considered his private field and smiled. Several plots in the ground glowed dimly as Zecora said they would. He inspected each and covered a few with some extra dirt. These were apple trees he wanted to keep special from the family. He wanted to surprise them. Wanted to show Granny Smith that zap apples, though delicious, were not the only special kind of apple the world had to offer.

 

The particular kind of apple he was growing he was mildly unsure about. Zecora had said that these kinds of apple trees were fragile. She had called them, usiku trees. She said they were a special kind of apple tree from her homeland that produced a very special "night apple." She claimed their beauty was rivaled only by their exquisite taste.

 

Big Mac crossed the small field one more time. Satisfied that each potential tree had been given the utmost care and attention it deserved, he picked up the plow and began to make his way back to the barn. He stopped short, however, when he noticed something moving in the night sky. It looked as if the stars themselves had shifted. He squinted hard and realized the stars /were/ shifting and not just shifting but getting closer. He found himself thinking back to all the foalstales he'd heard as a colt of the sky falling. He knew it was impossible but the thought of the sky coming to crash down on him have him a bit of a panic.

 

He hefted the plow off of himself and readied to run when he caught the shape of a pony among the stars. Again he squinted, what pony would look so much like the stars? What pony would be coming to visit him at this part of the farm, and this late? As the figure drew ever closer his eyes slowly began to widen.

 

"Well, I'll be." Big Mac bowed his head as Princess Luna landed in front of him.

 

Luna stood for a moment. She was unsure of this particular stallion's name and she did not want address him as "subject" and set the tone as if she were there on royal business. So she opted for a smile and an ever so simple, "Hello."

 

Big Mac kept his head bowed low. His mind had been racing with why the Princess would come to see him of all ponies. He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't even hear the hello.

 

Luna frowned for a moment, hoping she wasn't intimidating such a large stallion. She knew being a princess carried certain downsides but being feared was never really something she wanted. At least, not anymore.

 

She reapplied her smile and leaned down to catch his eye and spoke a little louder this time, "Hello?"

 

That time her voice caught his ear and he looked quickly around to see her own head down parallel to his own. Her smile did little to calm his nerves but it was better than a frown. He found her deep blue eyes staring into his and remembered he was supposed to say something.

 

"Uhh... Pleasure to meet you, Princess Luna."

 

Luna's smile faded briefly. She hoped she could convince him to relax because she had many questions about his glowing garden. Though it was becoming apparent that even a stallion like this couldn't look past her position as a princess.

 

Mac searched his mind for anything else to say to her. The silence was becoming awkward but her sudden appearance had left him uncharacteristically flustered. When he could think of nothing to say and Luna could not think of a way to let him relax, she admitted defeat to herself and took off without a word. Disappearing off into the night sky once again.

 

With a hefty sigh, Big Mac looked up and watched her as long as he could, until she was indiscernible from the rest of the stars. Glancing back at the still glowing plots, he shouldered the plow and began his trek back toward the barn.

 

After unloading the harness and walking slowly back to the house Mac found himself staring up at the stars once again. He replayed the awkward moment with the princess in his mind and he was disappointed with himself. He was never stallion of many words but he usually did have the right thing to say when it needed to be said. Tonight he had missed that moment and he knew it.

 

Staring up at the gleaming stars he smiled and said, "Good night, Princess."

 

-----

 

Luna swore at herself as she drifted through the air aimlessly.

 

"'Nice garden.' That's all I had to say. Why can't I talk to these ponies yet? I've worked so hard to adjust but ponies still only see me as the princess."

 

She sighed heavily. She hated that she had been gone for so long. When she had lived in the palace before her banishment she had talked to few ponies but they were enough to keep her happy. After having been away for so long, all her friends that she'd had were now gone. So she attempted to make new friends, but the ones that didn't run in fear of Nightmare Moon, were usually too caught up on her being royalty to have a normal conversation with her.

 

She sighed again and swayed from side to side as she flew. She would make another attempt at it again soon. Perhaps even with the same stallion. His garden had looked so familiar to her but she couldn't place why.

[Starshine 16,334]

she admitted defeat to herself and took off without a word. Disappearing off into the night sky once again.

But...

 

You got me hooked already. It's a very smooth start, and the pacing is quite good

Oh yeah, the awkwardness is so thick you can cut it open with a knife and serve it along with some tea

 

Say, after you finished this story, where do you will post it? Here or fimfiction?

[Shadow Chaser 633]

You got me hooked already. It's a very smooth start, and the pacing is quite good

Oh yeah, the awkwardness is so thick you can cut it open with a knife and serve it along with some tea

 

Say, after you finished this story, where do you will post it? Here or fimfiction?

 

First of all, thanks for the kind words. Second, I'll probably end up with it on FIMFiction. I've got three other stories chilling over there so it would make sense. If you're worried you'll miss it, I'll link you when I get it up. I couldn't get you hooked and then leave you hanging. Haha

 

Also, title suggestion?

Edited October 26, 2012 by Shadow Chaser

[Starshine 16,334]

Just make sure you post here when you're done!

 

Is this you?

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/RangerBeef

 

There is another guy using Shadow Chaser as his name

 

Also, title suggestion?

About the title, I believe it's best if you make your own, it's your creation after all.

[Shadow Chaser 633]

Just make sure you post here when you're done!

 

Is this you?

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/RangerBeef

 

There is another guy using Shadow Chaser as his name

 

 

 

About the title, I believe it's best if you make your own, it's your creation after all.

 

Yep that's me. When I first started there I was only reading and not writing so I didn't claim Shadow Chaser. But after three stories using that name as my main character, I think I have the name on lock. Hehe. I'll be sure to post it here too. Though it may be a long while in the making.

 

@, Hey, not sure if you've been keeping up with it on FIM Fiction but here is the completed story. I got far more attention from this one than I ever expected. I think that made me better in the long run. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/60616/Night-Apples