The Birds, the Bees, and the Apple Trees

[SweetJeans88 408]

A little backstory info before i begin.   normally i dont post something until its finished, but honestly, ive been working on this piece since last october.  before hearts and hooves day and all that hype.  ive hit a wall and cant seem to break through it.  i got scenes in my head, and i get those out, but forming a plot and stringing these events together is boggling me.  so critiques are welcome (theres a few notes at the bottom that i write for myself so its easier to pick up again)  and suggestions are loved.   i would like to be able to rework it later and make it non-pony and publish it for harlequin later lmao.

 

oh and its fluttermac, so beware.

 

 

“Oh, I don’t know Applebloom; I don’t think it’s any of our business.”

“Spike! You don’t know Big Macintosh like I do! He can’t keep his eyes off her! He’s in Love and we gotta help him, ‘cause if we don’t he’ll never have the gumption to talk to her!” Applebloom, a dainty pale blonde filly with tart red hair was pacing around her childhood friend. He was a squat purple and green dragon, perhaps even younger than she was.

“And I need your help as my friend Spike,” Her lip started to quiver.

“Ughh…Applebloom….”

Her eyes grew large and began to brim with tears, “Spiiiiikkkkke…… You’re the smartest dragon I know.”

“Well… that is true, but what if she doesn’t like him back?” He stroked his chin thoughtfully, then jumped, wide-eyed at her vehement response.

“How could she not?! He’s the strongest pony in Ponyville, probably the bravest too--did I tell you how he fought off that monster hiding under my bed? He made me leave the room but I heard the ruckus and he whupped ‘im good! I ain’t seen or heard that monster since!”

“I don’t think its quite that simple,” he began, but the fiery little filly cut him off.
“Well, fine Spike I’ll find someone else to help me…” She turned to walk away, trotting slowly around the corner of a bookshelf in Twilight’s house.
He followed her, reaching out and calling, “Now wait a minute Applebloom, you can’t do it all by yourself!”

She knocked him to the ground in her glee, grinning excitedly into his face, “So you’ll help me then?!”

“If I have to, yes,” he smiled back at her, “but we are going to need a few things first.”
She helped him to his feet, “Oh, like what? I’ve already got the love notes written and a map of where they’re supposed to meet.”
Spike cast her a glance, then led her to a trunk on the far side of the room. He opened it as he said, “Firstly, we’ll need these,” and he slapped elaborate handlebar mustaches on the two of them. Appleboom quirked her eyebrow at him when he answered, “Disguises, so we can get close and make sure it goes according to plan,”: he pushed a bundle towards her, “and these--they’re headsets. So we can talk while out of earshot.” He placed the set atop her head, frowned, then removed the ribbon from her hair before retying it under her chin. “There, now it’s less obvious.” he stated, quite pleased with himself.
Applebloom flexed her mustache awkwardly, “See spike? What would I do without you?”
“Don’t thank me just yet, we still need one more thing.” Spike fingered the prominent curl in is mustache, and looked pointedly at the little pony, “We’re going to need a man on the inside.” On the far side of Ponyville, just beyond the brook, rests a little cottage on the hill. Two figures darted around the foliage, creeping towards a low window. They paused as

 

 

~~~~~PAGE BREAK~~~~~~

“Pleeeeaaaaasssse Angel! You have to help us; think of Fluttershy’s happiness!” The little rabbit turned up his nose and pulled away again. “What if we helped you in return?” Angel’s ears belied his stubborn stance. Encouraged, Spike continued, “How about…I share my gems with you?” The rodent frowned, pointed insistently down his own gullet and flailed in Applebloom’s direction. “Uh.. Applebloom makes you sick?” An angry white paw thumped the floor. Angel hopped over to the nearby table and picked up a ruddy green apple from the basket perched on top. He took a bite of it and then hurled it at Spike.

“That was a perfectly good apple!” the filly wailed.

“Applebloom will let you have all the apples you can eat this harvest if you’ll just help us!” the words flew from the little reptile before he could think them through; however, the overbearing bunny seemed pleased and scurried down to them.

“No way! We have to chase him and his friends away every year! They’d eat us out of house and home!”
“But we need him Applebloom. How much can he eat really? One day, first harvest. And he won’t tell anyone.” Spike lay on the ground whining, and looked beseechingly up at Applebloom. She sighed helplessly and with a nod the deal was done.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~PAGE BREAK~~~~~~~~~~

 

Big Macintosh lifted his head to ponder the wheeling death machine. As an earth pony, he wasn’t fond of heights, but Applebloom’s adventurous streak had him here in line beside her. Four tickets a piece to fear for your life hardly seemed fair. The machine began to whir again, lifting ponies away and upwards. Most seemed happy, though some were nervous and clinging to their mate’s side. His thoughts strayed to Fluttershy again.
As the summer faded, he had seen her sweet blush in every golden apple resting amongst the boughs. When the apples finally ripened, he promptly volunteered to carry her cartload across town just to see her. He never mustered up the courage to even say ‘hello’ to her though, and she always hid her lovely face behind the door, muffling a barely audible ‘thank you’ before disappearing again.
He had imagined he’d ask her to sit with him on the hillside, the chill in the air coaxing her to sit closer to him. He would bring some hot apple cider, and they would share it, talking quietly to each other and waiting for the moonrise at the Lunar Festival He never got the chance to test his courage, however. She hadn’t been at the festival at all.--he had scanned the crowds during each trip through town. He always enjoyed pulling the wagon for the hay ride, but somehow this year felt hollow. Now, after the Winter Wrap-Up, nearly a year had gone by and he hadn’t even spoken to her once. He cursed himself for his own bashfulness. How many scenarios had he run through his head? How many times did he dream of sweeping her off her feet with a clever line or bold gesture, yet in reality he simply gawped at her like an ass. He snorted in frustration and lowered his head. He just needed an opportunity. Some way to show her how he felt, without crossing the line and opening himself to blatant rejection. Surely she would at least give him a chance.

Someone nudged him, “Buddy the lines moving.”
“Oh, sorry,” There were two lines leading to the entrance gate of the Standing Carousel, and it occurred to him that the operators were alternating the seats for each line. One yellow, one blue, they shuffled forward.
Was she here at the Mare-Day Fair with her friends? It would be hard to find her if she was. The turnout was huge this year; He’d lost Applebloom twice since they arrived, and then it was she who had found him.

“You’re next big guy!” the barker opened the gate and took 8 tickets from Big mac before sitting him down in the carriage seat. “And the lovely lady?”

Applebloom squeezed around the barker, “actually that looks way too high. You were right big mac. Is that Scootaloo over there?? HEY SCOOTALOO!” and she was gone in the crowd. The Barker shrugged and asked, “anyone else in line alone? Party of one?!” Great. Now he was going to be stuck on an uncomfortable ride with a complete stranger. A yelp erupted midway down the line, and some unfortunate filly was fumbled to the front. Before he could blink, Fluttershy was there beside him in the seat. The safety bar snapped shut. “You are one lucky little lady! Don’t be afraid now, I’m sure this handsome stud will keep you safe,” he winked at them as the carriage swept backwards and high up into the air.

“Uhm… hi Big Mac.” She smiled sweetly at him. “I’m sorry I intruded, I didn’t mean to.” She noticed his muscles tensing up, “Angel just insisted that we ride this one next, but refused at the last second.”

“Not at all miss Fluttershy, it’s a pleasure.” His stomach rolled as they neared the peak.

Then the carriage seat lurched unnervingly to a stop. “Applebloom abandoned me as well,” he responded evenly, the thought sinking in. She had deliberately put him in this situation, and he wasn’t sure whether he should be offended or thankful.

Fluttershy gently patted his forearm. “I’m sure she had a good reason,” her voice trailed off as they reached the top again. “Goodness we are awfully high up aren’t we? I don’t normally fly this high.”

“Me neither,” he grinned. A giggle lit up her features. This was easier than he thought.

“Have you ever been to the Mare Day Faire before Big Macintosh?” Her gaze lingered just a moment, before she cast her eyes down at her hoof still on his arm. He could feel her tremble lightly and feared she’d move away. Thank Celestia he was already crimson.

“I’ve been asked a few times, yes, and when I was younger, we would go as a family. You?”

I’m sure you know it’s become kind of an Ponyville tradition now for a lady to ask a special somepony to go with her. “I’ve never been able to ask anyone, so i don’t usually go, but i have brought Angel on occasion.” She smiled meekly at him, her cheeks rosy.

He leaned into the padded backrest of the seat. She really was something. Her delicate hoof vanished under his as he turned to face her better. “Any stallion would‘ve been lucky to catch your eye.”

Suddenly, the machine groaned and cascaded them over the peak. The view was brief but memorable. The fairgrounds were alight with sounds, motion and laughter. Her eyes sparkled up at him and outshone the stars, pink strands lifting away from her face as the two of them sped downwards. The ride mimicked his churning feelings.

They passed the noisy crowds at the bottom when he decided. “Fluttershy, I’ve never met a filly that I could talk to so easily before.”

“Big Mac, you’re shy too? But you’re so big and strong, how could you be afraid?” Her mind wheeled when he squeezed her hoof in his. She wasn’t sure anymore if it was really the ride making her dizzy.

He shook his mane helplessly. “Dunno. I reckon It’s the same as you being able to stare down that dragon. You’re strong on the inside Fluttershy. You’re kind and beautiful and modest. I may be big and strong as you say, but I get scared too. Like now, I usually don’t enjoy this ride, but you’ve got me jabbering on like a jaybird.”

“I had no idea. Heights make me nervous as well…I mean, im so glad youre having a good time too.”

“It’s sort of fun--when you get over the fear of falling.”
He looked pointedly at her, causing her face to flush crimson. She looked away, biting her lip, then smiled back at him sheepishly again. Her wingtips brushed against his withers as she nestled closer.




~~~~~~~~~~~~PAGE BREAK~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Far below, tucked behind the ring toss booth, a pair of long white ears poked out from beneath a bright pink ribbon. “Did you really have to bite her? You could’ve been a little nicer.” Their third compatriot appeared, twiddling his mustache proudly.

“Not too shabby if I do say so myself.. And I do.” He beamed at Applebloom. “you both did a great job--my plan worked perfectly. Now it’s just up to them.”

“Wait a minute that’s it? What about the letters I wrote and the secret meeting spot and these mustaches?!”

“They would’ve seen right through the letters. This way they’ll never even know we were a part of it. And if he botches it this time, theres always the tunnel of love or bumper cars.”

The filly undid the knot under her chin, “well, it sounds alright, but we still gotta keep an eye on them. In the meantime why don’t we get candy apples from my cousin?”

“Sweet! But I thought applejack was running the stand this week?”

“Aww she was but there’s a fancy new rodeo star in town tonight and she wants to go see the show and hang out with the girls. She deserves it. She’s been stuck at the booth all week.”


Angel bounded down her snout rudely and reminded her of her deal-- pounding a threatening fist into his own paw for emphasis. “Only if this works you fuzzy little--” but the rabbit turned up his nose and disappeared around the corner.







------keep in mind the position of the character, what theyre doing.. Body language! And setting where the heck are they??? Work on blending! Go with novel. It sounds better. Space out the big words. Expand it. Analyze each paragraph and isolate it. Remember your senses.  wtf with headsets?

 

[Friendship_Cannon 1,676]

oh my gosh, what a cool story until now.

Nice idea with Fluttershy and Big Macintosh dating, that goes well together, kinda...

the idea of Applebloom helping her bigger brother is very cute (asking Spike as expert, great thing to do, and good job including Angel in that as well). Lots of good ideas you had, worked out excellently, big compliment for that.

Was a lot of fun to read, I smiled multiple times, seems not overdrawn in any way, not the slightest bit. Very good job!

 

Everyone who reads this saying like "TL;DR": do it, filly! It´s soo worth it!

Edited January 17, 2013 by Your Friend

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

Fascinating read, I can't tell whether I liked because it was good or whether I liked it because it's original. I'm not too sure at this point.

Good story anyway.