writing Truth

[super*specialSTAR 19]

When you don't know how to feel,

Just embrace the pain,

And the hopelessness too.

I want to feel this hope that'll rise again.

You're with me right now,

Believe it all.

 

Hate me if you want,

Screwing up shit is all I do.

But you're with me right now,

To change the whole world.

The best reason why we're here

Today and an eternity.

 

We can cry, dream again,

Dazzle and let it all go!

There's nothing we can do

But can't do in reality!

What'll happen will happen,

Being rash isn't an option.

 

We're not perfect right now,

Nor are we a dream.

We're lonely right now,

Feeling pain from long ago.

The sharp stabs never end

But are easy to endure.

 

Other people will never know

The ordeals and "love".

Trapped in a bleak world

Of dangerous black and white.

We never find out

The dreams of others,

So fleeting right now.

 

The long faces are so identical,

Surrealistic even, with youth's glow.

Link our hands together,

Try to grin again, feel affection grow!

I want to take a chance,

Bring back your freedom,

And show my love!

 

 

You're always super-precious,

Emotions can't describe,

The vibrant colors and blurs

That show in my love for you.

A friendship's blossoming.

Torn apart by a slip of words,

I'm never letting go!

 

The harsh truth will always

End up with bitter tears.

But, you will never know

The other side's sweet pain.

The lies that were told,

Were all made for you.

 

I want to save you from your emotional darkness, losing my sight in a blind hope.

I don't want to hold on to him but I can't help it, I might be able to save you even if I don't.

[Jokuc 8,173]

Did you write this?

[super*specialSTAR 19]

I did.

[Inkfeather 597]

I don't feel much structure in what you write. Yes it's kept at a continueing pace of sentences, but to me I don't feel the "flow" if you understand. Also, the choice of wording seems a little... boring, for the lack of a better word.

 

It's full of emotions though, and that's great. It could use a rewriteing and a workthrough, in my opinion that is.