I'll Never Let You Go

[Smitty91 57]

I'll Never Let You Go

 

   It had been a long trip down the stairs and Spike felt as if his legs were going to give way any minute, if his lungs didn't give out before then. Gasping for breath he went to explain himself as to why he had disobeyed Twilight's direct orders. "I know you told me to stay up there, but you were down here for such a long time and you weren't answering so I got worried so I came down here to see you just staring at that wall and I was just calling your name and I couldn't seem to get your attention and . . ." He suddenly stopped when he reached Twilight, watching her as she trotted over to a nearby door, arousing his interest and curiosity. "What were you looking at?" He walked over to the nearby door. "I mean, it's just a wall." As the gem above the door was cast in an aura, his big expressive eyes suddenly changed into a shade of green and a confused expression was on his face as he continued to stare at the door, dumbfounded. "Ponyville? How did I get here? No! I don't want to go!" He backed away from the door, tears swelling in his eyes. "Please, Twilight, don't make me!"

 

   Twilight slammed her foot against the door, ending the dark spell that had been cast over her number one assistant. "King Sombra's dark magic," she explained. "A doorway that leads to your worst fear." 

 

   He looked down at the floor. "We were home. You told me you didn't need me anymore. You were sending me away."

 

   She suddenly grabbed him and pinned him to her side in a hug. "I'm afraid that will never come to pass. I'm never gonna send you away." 

 

   While this event had been several months ago, it was still etched in Spike's brain, and while Twilight Sparkle had taken the time to console him, he felt that now his worst fear was coming to fruition. He sat at his favorite donut shop in Canterlot at the bar, a plate of donuts and a mug of hot chocolate to accompany it. Twilight and the others had gone out for a night on the town to celebrate her becoming an alicorn, a princess no less. They had offered to let him tag along, but he had declined. 

   Why am I feeling this way? he questioned himself. At the ceremony I was very happy for her. Why now is it that the worst is yet to come? If Twilight's busy with royal duties, what will become of me? Who will look after me? Oh, sure, I suppose I could look after myself, but I'm still a baby. 

   Precious memories of the good times he'd had with Twilight and her friends floated through his mind, and this only seemed to make his dilemma worse all the more. Tears swelled his eyes and he quickly lifted a shaky hand to wipe them away. To calm himself he took a swig of the hot chocolate, a small smile spreading across his face as the hot cocoa warmed his body and the marshmallows within it massaged his tongue. He supposed that a marshmallow was what eating a cloud must have been like. Both were unbelivably soft. 

   He set the empty mug down on the counter and pushed it aside, moving his hand to take another crueller from the plate of donuts, only to find that the plate was empty. He pushed the plate towards the caretaker of the donut shop. "Hey, Pony Joe, another donut."

   The yellow pony walked over towards him. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

   "Another donut!" Spike angrily slammed hsi mug down on the counter. "And extra sprinkles!" 

   The pony simply nodded and went to fulfill the dragon's request. 

   Spike blinked. Whoa! Talk about deja vu! Sighing, he placed his face in his hands, staring down at the counter in despair. As it had been doing for the past couple of days, his mind began to wander and he started asking himself a series of questions. What would Twilight's friends do if she was off fulfilling royal duties? Would he and the others ever get to see her again, or would she be so busy with being royal and all that jazz that she wouldn't have time for him and the others? How would her promotion affect the friendships they'd made? More importantly, what was to become of him? That was the question that kept pestering him, and scaring him at the same time. It was a frightening feeling that wasn't seeming to go away, even with the sweets. Because of this, he thought that maybe he should talk to somepony about his fears about what the future held for him and all his friends. But the question was, which pony did he talk to? 

   Of course he could always talk to Twilight about what he was feeling, but who knew when he would have a chance to actually sit down and talk with her? 

   Fluttershy was another choice, but she talked so softly that he had to strain his ears just to hear her properly. Besides, he wasn't sure if she was well versed in communicating and feelings. After all, Rainbow Dash had had a hard time getting her to cheer properly. 

   Pinkie Pie was another choice, but he eliminated that option almost immediately. She was so random and zany that it would take a long time to get her to focus on what he was trying to tell her. Very rarely did she ever stop hopping around and calm down to have a decent conversation with. 

   Rainbow Dash was yet another choice, but she wasn't very keen on feelings, as he'd seen on numerous occasions. 

   The love of his life, Rarity, would be an excellent choice for him, but he wasn't sure if she was very good with emotions either. 

   Applejack was his final choice, and she was by far the most level-headed of his friends. She would be an excellent choice to have this discussion with. She was very down-to-earth and he'd always seen her as a motherly figure rather than a big sister. With her as the Element of Honesty, surely she would could provide him with an adequate amount of what to say and what to do about hsi dilemma. 

   Going through his options one more time, he thought about maybe just having a meeting with his friends to discuss how they all felt about Twilight becoming an alicorn. No, he couldn't do that. He figured this would be best done on a one-on-one basis. Besides, it would be somewhat embarrassing for him. 

   The trouble was that he had no clue where his friends were and he was far too full to do any amount of excessive exercise. He thanked Pony Joe for the service, left a tip, and finally left the shop and began his search for his friends. The other problem that faced him was the fact that Canterlot was so big that they could have been anywhere right now. He let out a groan of frustration, wishing that he had some magical powers to help him find his friends. He would only find his friends by sheer dumb luck. If he was lucky, they would find him instead, but that didn't seem likely. They were all too busy having fun and enjoying each other's company. But surely they would need to stop at some shop to enjoy some refreshments, and given that they knew him as well as they knew each other, they would surely know that he was at his favorite donut shop. Given that such was the case, he thought about maybe simply hanging around the shop and waiting for them to show up. But that was boring and he didn't being bored. He wasn't one to sit around and do nothing. He had to be up and doing something. 

   He paced back and forth, weighing his options and trying to decide what he would enjoy doing most. Walking seemed more like a chore and waiting around was just plain boring. He let out yet another groan in frustration, trying to decide what was the best option for him. He finally decided to go ahead and walk around in hopes of finding them, even though he was certain that they would come looking for him at the donut shop eventually. While waiting at the shop probably would have been best, walking would be better. It would ease off his stomach and would give him something to do. 

   He walked around Canterlot. Despite his age, he remembered the area quite well. He turned his head this and that, observing the familiar looking buildings and the old areas that he and Twilight would hang around in when she wasn't studying, which was rare. He remembred the long walks the two of them would enjoy along the park while making casual conversation, going to the ice crem parlor just for the hay of it, among other things. Those days seemed long gone now, what, with Twilight being a princess and all. 

   Once again, his mind began to wonder about what would happen to him and the others, his mind becoming overwhelmed with worry and fear. His mind was so clouded by these feelings, among others, that he wasn't exactly paying attention to where he was going and he soon found himself colliding with something furry, and he was soon flat on his back staring up at the smiling face of Rarity. 

   "Oh, I'm so sorry about that, Spike," the white unicorn apologized, helping him to his feet. She dusted him off. "Are you all right?"

   He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."   

   She smiled. "Good." She suddenly frowned, noticing the depressed expression on his face. "Are you sure you're all right, darling? You look like you're about to cry."

   He turned his face up so that the two of them were face to face. "N-No, I'm fine. Is Applejack around?"

   Rarity blinked, perplexed by his request. She looked around before speaking. "Uh, yeah, she's with Rainbow Dash getting a milkshake at the local diner. Why do you ask?"

   He shook his head. "I just need to talk to her about something." 

   She pulled him close into a hug and smiled down at him. "Well, you can always talk to me, Spikey Wikey."

   He smiled at the nickname. In spite of himself, he struggled free of her grip. "Sorry, but it's something kind of private."

   She nodded in understanding. "Oh. Oh, I see. Well, I won't keep you any longer. Twilight's waiting for me anyway. If she doesn't help, remember you can always come talk to me or Twilight."

   "I know." He chuckled as she patted him on the head before trotting off. There was no need for her to give him directions. He had lived in Canterlot all his life before he and Twilight had moved to Ponyville. He knew Canterlot like the back of his hand. 

 

 ***

 

   Spike would have gone into the diner and requested to speak to Applejack, if it weren't for the fact that she seemed to be quite engaged in a conversatio with Rainbow Dash. He peered at them through the store window, both ponies oblivious to his presence, their eyes focused solely on each other and nothing each, one of them occasionally taking a sip of their shake, followed shortly by the other. Ironically enough, his stomach growled upon seeing them enjoying thier shakes and he had to fight the urge to want to join them. The last thing he wanted was to be rude. He was sure Applejack wouldn't mind, but Rainbow Dash probably would have been irritated that he had decided to butt in on their conversation. He thought about maybe waiting for Rainbow Dash to get up and walk off before entering the shop and talking with Applejack. 

   But the diner was a public place and the matter that he found himself in was one that had to be dealt with in a safe, secluded area, like Sweet Apple Acres. Unfortunately, the walk from Canterlot to Ponyville was a long way, and his legs were already sore. Worst yet, he didn't have an alternate way of getting back to Ponyville until Twilight and the others decided that it was time to go to bed, but due to the fact they only needed three hours of sleep to function throughout the day, they could be up all night talking and having the time of their lives. He couldn't wait that long. If he wanted to deal with his issue as of right now, he had to act! 

   Taking in a deep breath, he threw open the entrance door and walked over to the table that Rainbow Dash and Applejack were seated at. The iridescent pony noticed him first. 

   "Hey, Spike!" She lifted a hoof and waved him over. "Over here!"

   He smiled, glad to see that the pony was happy about him disturbing their conversation. He just needed to tell Applejack something and then he'd be on his way. Hopefully, she wouldn't make a big deal out of it and hopefully Rainbow Dash wouldn't pressure her into spilling what he'd told her. Then again, maybe Applejack telling Rainbow Dash wouldn't be such a bad thing. After all, Applejack was the Element of Honesty and she was terrible at making up stuff to save her skin on the spot. They were all friends, and friends helped each other through troubling times. More than likely if Rainbow Dash knew of his conflicting feelings about Twilight being a princess, the athletic pony would tell her egghead friend, which would save Applejack the trouble of telling her herself, and then he would and she would be able to talk about the dilemma that they found themselves in. 

   Applejack scooted over to the right as Spike approached, but was taking aback when he leaned towards her, so much in fact that she actually leaned back. He motioned for her to turn and she did so without question, Rainbow Dash giving the farm mare a quizzical look, only to  be met with one from Applejack herself to show that even she didn't know what was going on. She listened intently to what Spike whispered in her ear. She turned her head so that they were eye to eye and she gave him a sweet smile and a nod before he smiled back at her and left the shop without another word to either pony. 

   "What was all that about?" Rainbow Dash demanded as soon as Spike had left the shop. 

   "He wants to talk," Applejack told her. 

   "Well, I'm sure whatever he has to say to you can be said in front of both of us."

   The farm mare nodded in agreement. "True, but he says it's private, personal, so he's just gonna walk with me home and we can talk there." 

   Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "He wants to talk to you? Why doesn't he just talk to Twilight?" She took a drink of her shake. "They talk all the time, don't they?"

   "They do, but Ah reckon she's so busy with getting everything squared away with Princess Celestia that he doesn't think she has time to talk to him. Anyway, Ah suppose that if it's important, Ah can always tell Twilight. It's the least I can do."

   "How come he doesn't want to talk to me?"

   Applejack smiled and patted the turquoise pony's hoof. "Aw, don't feel that way, Rainbow. He likes ya; it's just that, well, you're a little . . . self-absorbed sometimes."

   Rainbow Dash frowned. "I am not!"

   Applejack raised an eyebrow. 

   Rainbow Dash's expressio faltered. "Okay, okay, so I can get a little full of myself sometimes."

   "Sometimes? Try all the time, honey."

   Rainbow Dash grinned playfully at the farm mare and attempted but failed to swat at her face with her hoof. 

   Applejack chuckled. "Nice try."

   

***

 

   Surprisingly enough, Twilight and the others decided to turn in relatively early in spite of the fact that they could've stayed up all night. It seemed the excitement over the past few days had left them physically drained. Even Pinkie Pie wasn't as hyperactive as she usually was. Though she was still bouncing all over the place, the pace in which she did this was quite slow compared to how she usually did it. 

   Spike walked with them to the hot air balloon that they'd used as a means of getting to Canterlot. With the wonderful night air they'd all felt it was a shame to miss out on it by riding in a horse-drawn carriage. The baby dragon couldn't have disagreed with them if he tired. The night air was refreshing and cool; not too hot, not too cold. If permitted, he would have gladly slept outside. He loved these kinds of nights when the atmosphere was so peaceful that it was absolutely heavenly. 

   As he walked, he noticed Applejack constantly glancing over at him. He avoided making any eye contact with her. She must have gotten the signals he was trying to send because she merely stopped this action in turn to talking with Rarity about something that they'd been discussing earlier. He didn't want to do anything with her until they were at Sweet Apple Acres, in the privacy of her home. Otherwise someone would catch on to the two of them looking at each other and think that something was going on between them. Not that nopony would have a problem with that, mind you. He figured that if there were anything going on between them, the others wouldn't have a problem with it, even if he had to admit to himself that it would way too weird to be in a romantic relationship with one of his friends, even if one of them rivaled the beauty that Rarity had. 

   The balloon ride home was quiet, each party saying very little and simply enjoying the warmth of the night air that blew as they drifted among the clouds towards home. Every now and then one of them would strike up a conversation with one of the others, just to break the silence, but said conversations typically didn't last no more than a few sentences. Spike was so at peace, if only for the moment, that he nearly fell asleep at Twilight's side, using her thigh as a pillow. Luckily, she didn't seem to mind. The two of them had spent many a night cuddling with each other, providing warmth, comfort, safety, security. It was a nice way to spend the evening simply enjoying each other's company and proviidng each other with the basic needs that they both needed on a regular basis. It seemed, however, that those nights would come to a close very, very soon. 

   One by one each of them was dropped off at their respective homes, Rainbow Dash being one of the first due to the proximity her home had to Ponyville. Gradually, the hot air balloon became less and less full until only Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike were left. When they reached Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight was quite surprised when Spike started following Applejack. 

   "Spike, where are you going?" 

   "Oh, it's alright, Twilight," Applejack reassured her. "Spike here just wants to talk to me about something. Ah imagine it'll be mighty late by the time we're done, so would it be all right if he just slept over?"

   "Uh . . . yeah, I . . . I guess," Twilight replied. 

   Applejack smiled. "Great. I'll make sure he doesn't stay up too late."

   Twilight chuckled. "I don't think that's going to be a problem." She pointed a hoof at Spike, who was busy letting out a yawn. She laughed along with Applejack before heading off back to the library, her home. 

   "Well, Spike," Applejack stated, smiling down at the baby dragon, "what say we head on inside?"

   The dragon nodded his head in agreement and walked alongside her as both headed towards her house. 

 

***

 

   "Ah hope you don't mind milk," Applejack said, walking in the living room carrying a tray containing two glasses of milk on her back. 

   "Thanks," Spike replied, gratefully taking one of the glasses. He set the other down on the coffee table in front of the sofa and she set the tray on the floor with her mouth before hopping up on the couch and sitting beside him. He took a drink of the milk. His face lit up as he licked his lips. "Mmm! This is good! Real good! What's in it?"

   "Just honey and a dash of nutmeg," she replied, her head in her hoof. "It's an old family recipe. Does wonder for insomnia."

   He smiled. "I imagine." He took another drink of the milk, which he found to be quite warm, a first for him. Oddly enough, he found himself liking the beverage a lot better when served hot than cold. 

   "So, Spike," she playfully nudged him with her hoof, smiling down at him, "what's cha wanna talk about?"

   He took another drink of his beverage, as if trying his best to avoid the conversation for as long as possible. 

   "Come on, sugar cube," she coaxed. "Ya gotta talk eventually." 

   He smiled at her before setting down his drink and wiping his hands on his knees, looking skyward and breathing out, trying to get himself relaxed and comfortable. He finally made eye contact with her, and he found it strange how he had never noticed before how he and she both had the same eye pigment. He looked down at his feet and folded his hands in his lap. He swallowed before finally speaking. "I'm scared, Applejack."

   She gave him a puzzled look. "Now hold on a minute. What are you scared of?"

   "About the future. What's going to happen to me, to all of us, now that Twilight's a princess and all?"

   She frowned. "Is that what's been bothering ya?"

   He looked at her, bewildered. "You've noticed?"

   "Why, of course Ah've noticed. You haven't been talking much over the past coupla days and you've barely eaten anything. If Ah didn't think something was wrong with ya, Ah would've called myself sick."

   "Yeah . . ." He looked back down at his hands. "With her being part of the royal family now, she won't have time for me anymore." He brougth his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on his folded arms, staring down at the coffee table. "She'll have all kinds of servants and everything. She won't need me anymore. So . . . she'll probably send me away."

   "Sugar cube, look at me."

   He did. 

   "That girl loves ya. She'd do anything in the world for ya. No way is she going to send ya away. If ya think that, then ya obviously need to talk to her about this."

   He looked down. "I-I don't know. What if-"

   "Honey, ya can't keep these feelings of yours bottled-up inside ya all the time. It's not healthy. Look at Rainbow Dash."

   He chuckled. 

   "Ah, there's a smile,"she said. She pulled him close into a tight hug. "I understand where ya coming from. I think we're all a little worried about what the future will hold for us. But," she cupped his face in her hooves and turned his head so that they were looking at each other eye to eye, "ya don't have to face it alone. Why, ya should know better than to think that all yer friends are gonna just up and leave ya just because some things are changing. One thing that ain't ever change, honey, is that we're a family." She lifted a hoof to stroke his scales. "And family means nopony gets left behind . . . or forgotten. We're always gonna be there for ya, through the good times and the bad. Don't ya ever feel like ya hafta face yer battles alone, sugar cube. All ya gotta do is call, and yer right there with ya, every step of the way."

   He lunged himself at her, burying his face in her chest and wrapping his arms around her, squeezing her tightly. He nuzzled his face in the soft orange-yellowish fur that covered her chest, sighing in content. He looked up at her. "Thank you, Applejack." 

   "Ah, it's no problem, sugar cube." She gently pried him off her. "Now, what say we get some shuteye. Come on," she hopped down from the couch and trotted towards the stairs, "you can sleep with me. Ah don't like the thought of ya sleeping down here all by yerself. Ya'll be much more comfortable sleeping with me." 

   "Are you sure?"

   "Absolutely."

   "Okay." He started to follow her up the stairs, but suddenly stopped and drank the glass of milk that she never ended up drinking. As he headed up the stairs, he felt as if he was going to sleep like a baby tonight. 

 

***

 

   Applejack invited Twilight over for breakfast the following morning, saying only that the two of them needed to have a talk. Twilight agreed to the occasion, completely baffled as to what the two of them needed to talk about. After a hearty breakfast of pancakes, eggs, sausages, and the like, the farm mare led Twilight upstairs to her room. From her wndow she could see Spike and Applebloom playing tag in the back yard and she couldn't help but smile. 

   "What's this about, Applejack?"

   She turned upon hearing Twilight's voice. "It's about Spike, Twilight."

   "What's wrong? Is he all right?"

   "Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. Ya see, with ya becoming an alicorn and all, he seems to think that you're gonna abandon him, send him away, says that ya won't need him anymore with all the royal servants ya'll have."

   Twilight shook her head. "That's ridiculous. Where would he get an idea like that?"

   "It's nothin' to fret about, Twilight. The boy's trying to adapt to change. Change can be a hard thing to get through for a boy his age. In order to get through this difficult time, he needs ya to be there for him."

   "Spike knows how much I love him."

   "Well, I think it's time ya'll sat down and had a discussion about this, cleared things up. It's clear to me that the boy cares a great deal about ya. Ya two are like brother and sister. Ah'm willing to bet ya'd be willin' to die for each other."

   Twilight smiled. "I can understand why he thinks I would send him away. It is his worst fear and all."

   "What's yer worst fear?" 

   Twilight shook her head. "Let's not get into that; it's not important." She cleared her throat. "Where is he, by the way?" 

   "He's out back playing with Applebloom." 

 

***

 

   When the two of them were so tired that they couldn't run anymore, Spike and Applebloom walked in the Apple residence to get something to drink. During this time, Twilight suggested that the two of them go home since they needed to discuss some things. The dragon nodded in agreement without argument and followed her home, him riding on her back, not that she didn't mind. He did it all the time, after all. However, her wings were a constant distraction and he found himself requesting that she fold them as they walked. 

   It felt good being back home again. It felt as if the two of them had been away from their home for so long, yet it'd only been a couple of days. Twilight had missed her books, while he had missed the comfort and security that the library brought him, even though he didn't share the same enthusiasm for books and reading that she did. 

   The two of them were silent as they walked in, Spike flickering on the lights as he passed the doorway. They headed towards a nearby table. 

   "Sit down, Spike," she said simply. 

   He did so, nervously fumbling with his hands as a way to keep himself distracted. She sat down across from him, forcing him to look up when she placed her hooves in his hands. 

   "Applejack says that you're not taking my being a princess well," she stated. 

   He shook his head. "I'm having trouble dealing with." He rubbed his arm and looked away. 

   "I understand. Do you really think that I'd send you away just because I'm a princess now?"

   "Well, I . . . I don't really know . . . . "

   "Spike, you should know me better than that by now. Remember what I've always said? You're my number one assistant. I could never live with myself if I ever got rid of you. I have no reason whatsoever to send you away. Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean I'm going to leave you and all my friends behind. Sure, I'll have more responsibilities now and I've have a lot of time on my hooves, but I'll try my absolute best to make time for you and my friends, especially you."

   He smiled. "I'm sorry, Twilight. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

   She shook her head. "No, I understand why you did. You're having trouble dealing with the change. That's common when change happens. But one thing that's not going to change is the way I feel about you. I love you."

   "You do?"

   "More than anything in the world!" She leaned forward and gently licked his muzzle, making him laugh. "I will never send you away. I never could. Remember, I raised you since you were a baby. You know I would never trust anyone with you unless it's me or one of our friends." 

   "I know you wouldn't."

   "I'm glad we have an understanding." She started to walk off, but was suddenly stopped by Spike grabbing her hoof. She looked down at him. "What is it?"

   He looked down, his cheeks burning. "Um, I have a somewhat childish request, but . . . could you hold me for a while?" He was blushing so hard that his face seemed red as a beet. 

   She smiled sweetly at him. "Of course." She led him upstairs where her bed was located and climbed on, patting her lap. "Come ére. Lie down."

   Spike crawled into her lap and snuggled close to her. She held him close and he rested his head on her chest, listening intently to her heartbeat. She began to stroke his head while she began to sing to him. 

 

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay down your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to go to bed.

 

Hush now, quiet now

It's time to lay down your sleepy head

Said, hush now, quiet now

It is time to go to bed

 

Driftin' off to sleep

Leave the Exciting day behind you

Driftin' off to sleep

Let the joy of dreamland find you

 

Hush now, quiet now

Lay your sleepy head

Hush now, quiet now 

It's time to go to bed

 

   By the time she was finished with the song, Spike had already fallen asleep, yet despite this, she still held him in her lap. She didn't want to let him go, and she never would.