slice of life My Music OC Fanfics

[blankaccount12345 8]

I have written two fics recently about my OC, named Triad. He's based entirely on me, but his life is a little different. If anyone wants to read and review them, it would be appreciated. They contain explicit content, so I'll just put the links here. One is a sequel to the other, and it's only been started.

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/107703/wubs-n-arpeggios

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/111123/a-bow-in-the-hoof

[repsol rave 2,963]

i'm always in for a good read! i'm always curious to find other writers so this is going to be good! 

i'll update my review in an edit once i actually read all of it.

 

okay i'm still reading it, but i found something that doesn't seem very logical in my opinion.

it's about that vinyl lives 1 floor under him, but they havn't seen eachother in the building before? that doesn't seem very logical to me. no offence intended, just trying to give constructive critisism

Edited June 19, 2013 by repsol rave

[blankaccount12345 8]

i'm always in for a good read! i'm always curious to find other writers so this is going to be good! 

i'll update my review in an edit once i actually read all of it.

 

okay i'm still reading it, but i found something that doesn't seem very logical in my opinion.

it's about that vinyl lives 1 floor under him, but they havn't seen eachother in the building before? that doesn't seem very logical to me. no offence intended, just trying to give constructive critisism

It is an apartment building, though. If their work shifts are different, they wouldn't leave at the same time. There are plenty of people in my building that I've never seen before, and I live in a townhouse.

[repsol rave 2,963]

It is an apartment building, though. If their work shifts are different, they wouldn't leave at the same time. There are plenty of people in my building that I've never seen before, and I live in a townhouse.

well, i myself don't live in a appartment, so i guess i can't really say anything about this. i'm really liking the story so far by the way, i've never seen a fanfic combining these two music styles before.

[blankaccount12345 8]

well, i myself don't live in a appartment, so i guess i can't really say anything about this. i'm really liking the story so far by the way, i've never seen a fanfic combining these two music styles before.

Have you finished reading it? If so, what did you think? Anything I could improve on for next time? If you read the clop, is there something I should have done differently?

[repsol rave 2,963]

Have you finished reading it? If so, what did you think? Anything I could improve on for next time? If you read the clop, is there something I should have done differently?

 

yeah it's a really good story. (sorry for late response and all, i actually already kind of forget about this story) i just finished reading it again, and this time i actually read the clop too. i'm not a big fan of clop, but i have read many clop's before.  there is one thing i would have done diffrently tough.

 

- take away the part about the golden shower.(or put it in a second clop chapter) this is something not everybody will enjoy. and to be perfectly honest, i didn't really feel like reading the rest after that part.(it was well written tough )

 

overall a very well written story. it's not for everybody but the people who like this kind of stuff have a very good fic with this.

you just seem to go very detailed into the clop parts and the music parts but not so much into the lives of the two pony's. so maybe you can give that some more attention. ( it's a slice of life after all) i'm looking foreward to reading the rest  

[blankaccount12345 8]

yeah it's a really good story. (sorry for late response and all, i actually already kind of forget about this story) i just finished reading it again, and this time i actually read the clop too. i'm not a big fan of clop, but i have read many clop's before.  there is one thing i would have done diffrently tough.

 

- take away the part about the golden shower.(or put it in a second clop chapter) this is something not everybody will enjoy. and to be perfectly honest, i didn't really feel like reading the rest after that part.(it was well written tough )

 

overall a very well written story. it's not for everybody but the people who like this kind of stuff have a very good fic with this.

you just seem to go very detailed into the clop parts and the music parts but not so much into the lives of the two pony's. so maybe you can give that some more attention. ( it's a slice of life after all) i'm looking foreward to reading the rest

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I made the clop a separate chapter in case it sucked, being the first explicit sex scene I've written. Also, being a virgin, my knowledge is limited. I haven't had anyone tell me it was poorly written yet (they all say what you said, pretty much). The sequel, A Bow In The Hoof, is gonna have the clop in the actual story, but it won't have any golden showers. I may include both male on male and female on female scenes, though. There's a pretty predominant theme of sexual freedom and social acceptance in the story. It'll give a little more background on Vinyl, and Octavia will be included. We already know Triad and Silver Bullet's history, pretty much.