The line between constructive criticism and just being rude.

[Sweet Dreams 1,893]

So, today a quite annoying thing happened in my mums shop (selling cakes and serving high teas). A woman had booked a high tea for 3 people, and my mum had prepared the right amount of food for the ladies. Twenty minutes before the thing started, the woman called up to say that she was bringing 3 more people. Obviously, she couldn't bake anything in time for that so she had to stretch out the food already prepared. Anyways, after the high tea was finished, the woman comes up to my mum and has a total rant about how there wasn't enough food, and the amount of money my mum charged was far too much. (My mum offered a discount, but the woman denied). And near the end of is rant, the woman says-

"I'm not being rude, I'm just being honest with you."

And that made me think. It's easy to say you're 'just being honest', but

Isn't there a line between constructive criticism, and being rude?

Has anyone else had experiences like this? Discuss.

EDIT: Changed it to constructive criticism. It's what I meant, I just couldn't think of the word. Mai bad.

Edited December 16, 2013 by Sweet Dreams

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673]

Honesty has nothing to do with being respectful and can therefor not be used as an excuse to justify doing that. Pretty concise, wouldn't you say?

[Jammo 986]

You meet a friend who's hair is a mess.

 

Yes: "You'd look better if you washed and groomed your hair."

No: "Your head looks like a crusty, oily dead animal wrapped in bacon"

[Scootalove 10,689]

Honesty is different from being rude because, even though you're being honest it is the way you say it is what makes it rude. If you're being rude in an honest way or being honest in a rude way, it doesn't make what you say any better.

 

Criticism is required to help a person improve and get better, just because you're a critic does not give you the right to be rude and snobby towards the person. Their job is to help a person improve, not bring them down.

                                                                                                                                                                   

Edited December 16, 2013 by Scootalove

[Geek0zoid 1,468]

I'm a brutally honest individual. I tell it how it is and I have zero shame in it.

However, I think there is a difference between the two. 

If you're being honest, you're telling the truth, but not saying it in an insulting way.

Being rude is vise versa with the last part.

[FoxyCryptid 4,330]

You meet a friend who's hair is a mess.

 

Yes: "You'd look better if you washed and groomed your hair."

No: "Your head looks like a crusty, oily dead animal wrapped in bacon"

 

That honestly depends on the friend, if you're close enough to the person and have that kind of relationship where you jerk each around that could be perfectly normal conduct. 

 

Now, as for the topic. Yes, she was using the concept on honestly as a excuse to be an asshole. 

[Shanks 10,816]

My Dad used to own an Italian restaurant and we used to do catering all the time and I can say firsthand that orders like this are a lot of work and take a long time to prepare. So that woman announcing that there were going to be 3 more people at the last minute and then complaining about there not being enough food was beyond unreasonable, she was not only being rude but incredibly stupid because anyone with half a brain knows that if you double the amount of people and not give enough time to prepare more food that you won't have enough. There are times where you do have to say things that people sometimes don't want to hear, sometimes people are idiots and need to be put in their place but sometimes the situation calls for a lighter touch. I am honest sometimes brutally so but being a jackass is still being a jackass even if the statement is truthful which in this case is only half true.

[Leavinh 313]

I think the difference between honesty and being rude is whether or not the comment you make is constructive or not. 

 

Some examples I have are from songs I posted about 5 years ago when I first started making music. Comments like: "You sucks, learn to use different chord voicings" are rude. "I think the chord progression under *insert part here* could be a little more harmonic if you do this", on the other hand is honest, but constructive.

[CT-1138 3,182]

I can be brutally honest at times, but even i recognize the difference between constructive criticism and being a dick. The first is when you point out something you think is faulty and tell the person who did it why you think so and how you think it should be fixed. The second would be telling them that their faulty creation sucks.

[Moonlight 7,287]

Yes, there is a line between constructive criticism and being an asshole.

 

You can be honest without being rude, most things can be said without being rude, actually. 

 

For example, say someone was talking a little too loudly, I could say one of these two things to criticize them:

 

1. Hey, could you quiet down a bit so everyone else could have some peace and quiet?

or

1. Hey, you're kind of a loud jackass, shut up. 

I'm being honest with both choices since I acknowledge how loud the person was being but I could choose to say it nicely or not. Knowing me, I'd probably go with the second option but I'm a brutally honest person.

 

It could be decided if something is constructive or rude based on what you say and in the tone of voice you choose to say it. Another example could be with a piece of artwork, you could say something nice and something you think could have been improved/done better or you could just be rude and say, "This sucks".

[Dddrgn 450]

The line is whether you are actually being constructive, or just pointing out negative things, it's all in how you approach it. If someone draws something poorly, I could tell them that they need to work on human body proportions, this part looks a bit off, maybe you could adjust it - instead of telling them how bad it looks.

[Guest]

There's a pretty big difference between the two of them. Let's say I were to give some CC regarding a drawing I just saw.

 

CC 1: "Overall, it could use some more work. Perhaps make the eyes a bit more detailed, maybe shade it a bit more. But there's definitely some potential. Keep it up!"

 

CC 2 (excuse my language): "You know what? Your drawing sucks monkey **** and pukes ******** up your *******  ***hole. Now go jump off a roof."

Edited December 17, 2013 by Guest

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

Can get pretty damn thin sometimes. It's all in the wording and tone though. Avoid the use of curse words, extreme and exaggerated phrases, and anything that sounds condescending. That's when it's constructive. Also, don't focus on really minor nitpicks too much. The more you focus on the smaller details that honestly aren't all that important ("I don't like this very slight tiny line here that looks out of place, it just ruins the whole thing/") , the more rude you look. Especially with a condescending or angry tone. 

 

Also, there are many things that can be subjective rather than objective. Focus less on the more subjective, opinionish things, and try to be as objective as possible to get constructive criticism. I know that all of it is technically subjective as opinions tend to be, but there are some things that are generally objective. (For instance, in an art work, anatomy that just generally looks wonky and incorrect, like a bigger torso than usual. And isn't intended on being stylized)

 

Just always try to sound polite with any potential criticism, don't focus on irrelevant nonsense within it, and stay calm. Then it's constructive.