Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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Status Updates posted by Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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I just landed a school photography job.
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You ready to be let down?
Because the universe is so large and always expanding, there is no center to it. At the same time, because it is so large and rapidly expanding, everywhere is the center of the universe. And if everywhere is the center of the universe, what makes that so special?
So when you're called the center of the universe, you're nothing special.
You've just been let down.
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Another night, another nightmare. Pretty sure Freddy Krueger would fail to impress at this point.
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Well, Frankly all Freddy seems to do is make puns worse then his murder. Really guy, you feed on fear so you kill your prey so they stop fearing you? Like, self-defeating much? Also, kind of kills the comedy if you keep killing off anybody who'd listen to your horrible jokes.
You know what'd actually make me more afraid of you, buddy? Strapping me down to listen to your Crypt Keeper style jokes!
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People tend to have the occasional nightmare and can avoid them with relative ease. I have nightmares so often I wear them like a badge of honor.
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Well, to be honest, I'm quite certain its gotten to the point where I can no longer tell my sleeping from my waking. Some might use that phrase to describe living in madness and constant terror, but I hold quite well to it being equal parts blessing to its curse.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go shoo the giant pink bunny away from the buzzing-bar.
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Apparently using the word "trigger" triggers people's hatred for triggers. That's honestly pretty triggering.
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(sry for my bad english)
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I will now explain modern politics to you:
Democrats- We want the things.
Republicans- We want the other things.
Socialists- We want everyone to have the things.
Liberals- We want you to have the things you like.
Conservatives- We want to keep the things.
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I need a vacation.
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I hate it when I'm doing pushups and I lose count after 1,000.
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If you ever feel unlucky, just remember General John Sedgwick's last words before being shot in the head in a civil war battle were, "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
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Switch to fios with me if you're interested in getting 12 whole channels.
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Persistent eye twitch, shooting periodic pain down the bicep for no discernible reason, jacked up ankle- I am the pinnacle of healthy, you guys.
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This is the last picture transmitted by the Cassini probe before it ended its 20 year mission by crashing into Saturn's atmosphere. It distintegrated a minute after entry.
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@Vulon Bii the Voyager probes are expected to provide some measurements of the plasma between stars. They also only have a few years worth of power left in them. I'm going to go up there in a few days and replace their AA batteries.
@Widdershins that's not an alien. That's my thumb actually. It was too dark and I didn't notice i was touching the lens. Happens to the best of us.
To think, when I was a kid one of my best friends used to tell me he was from saturn!
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Sometimes I wonder why I have no siblings. Being an only child had me grow up wishing for a brother or sister. I just didn't understand why someone would want to kill and/or smack a family member.
Then I got two step brothers and I was like, "Oh, okay. I get it. I'm not going to do it, but I totally get it."
It was chaos most days with them. When their no good father got kicked out (they lived in the same house as I from my age 8 to age 11) and they followed, that was about the last I heard from them, so to the one brother my mother hates and the other I got on alright sometimes with, I hope you're both doing well, but I never want to see you again.
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Do they still play the blues in Chicago when baseball season rolls around?
When the snow melts away do the Cubbies still play, in their ivy covered burial grounds.
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy but now they only bring fatigue.
To the home of the brave, the land of the free, and the doormat of the national league.
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I just got woken up by my kid crying up a storm in the other room.
This is especially troubling because I don't have any kids.
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I am a little drunk. I will now rehearse the names of the characters of your show, because I think i got them down now:
1- Twilight Spackles
2- Kellogs Applejacks Cereal
3- Buttershit
4- Pinky and the Brain AKA Desperate Need of a Valium prescription
5- ROXANNE!!!!!!!!
6- Spotted Dading with all the colors and the other stuff
How did I do?
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People nowadays.
And am I getting old? What the hell is the point to reaction videos? It just feels like you have no talent otherwise and so... reaction videos.
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You ready to be let down?
A while ago, a mathematician noticed he was sleeping 15 minutes later every day, and he predicted that, when the extra sleep altogether totaled 24 hours, he would die. He was right.
You've just been let down.
I must try :))
