Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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Status Updates posted by Stone Cold Steve Jobs
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"I'll be right back."
-The Terminator
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I keep seeing people say things like every pony on here, and it just occurred to me: is that racist? I think it is. You old racist so and so's.
(Also, I'm painting these walls.)
Nite.
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Currently active biological tissue That is a lot to pronounce everypony is easier and as for the griffins it was their choice to live that way originally they seemed to be quite well off then became greedy and just like the dwarves in lord of the rings collapsed I suppose that's what happens when your entire culture revolves around a trinket
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I use a variety of One Direction albums to keep ants out of my kitchen.
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Let me tell you a story about the societal equivalent of purgatory that we know as retail. I work in retail. I don't want to name the real store, so we will make up a name of a retail location. Let's call it "Macy's." So, I work at "Macy's."
I have been there since 2012 working in the same department: i sell suits. Here is how they hook you: they tell you you get minimum wage, but also commission for every suit, dress pant, dress shirt, tie, belt or shoes you sell. For instance, suppose you sell a suit that is $330. You would get about $20 commission for that alone. Sounds nice on paper.
What they don't tell you is you have to sell your department only . That means every time you sell a pair of jeans, you set yourself back. That doesn't count towards your sales goal. If you don't hit your goal, you don't get your commission. If you had a goal of $1000, for instance, and you sold 800, you won't get fired, but until you make that 200 you don't get commission. That money all has to come from commission based sales.
I got to work today. As soon as i got there my manager sent me to young mens, which is a department that sells zero things i get commission on. So not only did i work for $37 today, i am also not going to be getting commission again fr the next few weeks. The black guy i work with got sent to another department as well. He got sent to another commission based one. Funny how that works out.
At this point i need some more vodka and I am uncomfortable so i am just going to leave this here and forget i posted it. Before i do though, a word of advice to the people who may work in retail:
Unless it benefits you directly, don't even bother going above and beyond. You will be replaced and forgotten a week after you leave.
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Hey looky! I'm posting on the thing you didn't want to remember posting for the sole reason of reminding you of stuff you don't want to! Yays!
Yeeesh?! Retail? How have you know spontaneously combusted by sheer force of will by now? Gosh, its almost as if low willing jobs only want you to do as your told and care nothing for loyalty or trust which would be inherent in hiring an actual living being!
Know how that conversation would have gone with me, had I been assigned?
"But I don't get commisions to go to that area... clearly, if you wanted me to sell the whole of the store, you would train me to do so, not give me contradictory commands?"
"Just do your job, or you're fired."
"...but you're already telling me to do something that isn't part of my job... so aren't you already making me stopping the work?..."
Gee golly, what are you supposed to do? Just sit in that general area and hope somebody asks you questions? Don't think I've ever met a store where you couldn't just swipe whatever fit off the shelves and take it to the front to buy yourself.
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One of my favorite questions to get asked is where the suit section is. When I am surrounded by suits. That has happened more than once.
My job was basically to just stand behind the register and check people out for garbage. I decided that if they were going to pay me minimum wage, then I would do minimum wage quality work. So I didn't clean up, didn't bother trying to get people to open credit cards, didn't bother with trying to get them to open the 95 other cards the store has, and I also put three stickers on my person.
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I am taking a firefighting exam in a few weeks. They said you need a perfect score to even be considered.
I'm reviewing math. I'm not literate in math. So at this point it ceases to be about me getting a perfect score. This is about me getting a score. I'm totally going to fail this exam.
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Obviously @Widdershins has not been approached by an Indian man online.
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This is what long division has always looked like to me.
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You know what's more fun than getting your gums scraped?
Getting a cavity filled two days later. This is my fate.
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You ready to be let down horses?
Within the next few thousand years, the moon will have retreated enough from Earth that a total solar eclipse will no longer be possible.
You've just been let down.
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"Bring back my mommy."
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Seems to me like ISIS needs another MOAB. Extremism is a neurological disorder.
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And if you listen very carefully, you can hear the sound of North Korea bitching out.
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At long last. I found it.
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Wait, so... the answer comes before the question in this medium? Despite the lack of proper punctuation to indicate it as such and the unnecessary repetition of the message's recipient that would be meaningless in its proper context? Is the joke that that is not what the meaning of the term "allergic" means or that Ramsay is too stupid to tell the difference between "a strong dislike" and "a violent biological reaction to foreign substances" the latter of which one would hope your chef is usually aware of?
Have I sufficiently murdered the humor yet?
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