Is Love and Tolerance earned? Or is it given?

[Bird Mom 902]

Love & tolerance should be given at first, but if that one has done wrong to them in such way, they must take it away, so be it.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

I believe it is a little of both. I'll go with the word 'respect' here, because it more or less means the same thing as 'love and tolerance'.

 

People should always endeavour to treat each other with respect and kindness. This is the way I strive to live my life, and the example I try to set for my students. Our world has too little compassion, too little in the way of true communication, and not nearly enough empathy. I'm quite trusting. I often give people the benefit of the doubt, I ask questions when I'm unsure of someones' reasoning behind their actions. Whether or not they respond to my efforts is then their choice to make.

 

Respect is not earned. That's a dangerous way to think. Respect should be the default assumption in our interactions with others, unless the other person gives you a reason to withdraw that respect from them. And even then, you should still remain respectful in your interactions with said person. Do I respect every single teenager I teach? Well, some of them make that extremely difficult. Do I treat them with respect anyway? You bet your bottom I do. I can't expect them to respect me if I don't extend the same courtesy.

 

For me, it boils down to there being a difference in 'internal' respect, and 'external' respect. If someone loses my respect, I'll still treat them with as much as I can muster. This is external. If I'm to feel true respect for them again though, it'll take time and effort. (Though I'm usually fine and dandy the moment I hear a sincere apology.) I'm a big proponent of open communication, sharing concerns, and apologising for mistakes. These things are key to restoring damaged respect.

 

There are times when the actions of another person simply can not be tolerated, and intervention is needed. The trick is learning to address a persons' behavioural problems in a respectful manner. This applies to simple rule breaking, all the way up to blatant abuse. I'll admit I'm not perfect in this regard, and my emotions get in the way at times, but I'm learning.

 

As a teacher, I've needed to put a great deal of though into my beliefs on this matter, because my beliefs will impact on my interactions with my students. The above will probably seem a little 'rose-coloured-glasses' to many people, but I sincerely believe in it's importance in encouraging positive human interaction.

[Celli 4,356]

I agree that it was just a pointless motto, though if I had to say, yes, it has to be earned, not given. If you're an asshole to me, I ain't gonna be nice about it.

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 42,208]

Love is earned obviously. Tolerance is a default for me. I will tolerate people until I am given a reason not to. Take for example Brony haters. People that hate people like is for embracing a TV show. Yeah, that is one example. I will NOT tolerate those people. I don't like religion but I don't automatically just hate every religious person, so a lot of Brony haters are idiotic in their views. That's my stance on it.

[lelouch. 625]

Well, it feels like everyone hates me.

I dont know u. Thus u have my tolerance from a fresh start. Love is well, developed, so I guess the word earned fits right in. But I dont hate u, so ure wrong

[NiceVillains 244]

They expect you to be mean back, or be a wimp. But if you can differ from that somehow, and be nice, then it will change them slightly. Because it was unpredictable. Then they would probably test you being more aggressive, or just go, oh forget about it. So in that case, hold your ground of goodness lol. Try not to troll, but try to not get them to bully you either. Gentle but firm. Pretty sure Gentle but firm is a quote somewhere too, prolly from martial arts.

[Heliodor 156]

I actually feel like it should be earned. I can try to be civil with someone who is being very offensive or mean, but I wouldn't really categorize "being civil" as "being loving" toward them. If anything, it's tolerance in isolation. But I'm of the opinion that intolerance, as in truly offensive bigotry, shouldn't be tolerated. There is a line between personal opinion and hate speech. I can tolerate another's opinion but I won't tolerate, for example, homophobic or transphobic comments made toward me. It's actually something I've struggled with before, where I've been told it's "simply someone's opinion" that they hate a certain race or group of people, and that's not something I can agree with. You can like blue cars and dislike red cars, and that is your opinion, but using a slur against another person "because that's how you personally feel about their kind of person" is simply wrong. That's why I feel like "love and tolerate" doesn't make too much sense. I guess I just mean that such a philosophy can only work in moderation under specific circumstances. There is a line where employing it no longer makes sense.

[IridscentNionios 1,422]

I thought that went with respect... *scratches head* I guess you treat people how you want to be treated thus earn their tolerance later? And their love?

[Fractured 2,684]

I'd say you should start out with love and tolerance and see where it goes from there. Ultimately though, i'd rather have understanding. "Tolerate" indicates that someone's harassing you or making your life miserable, and you're going to... love them for it? Forgive me if i'm not quite there yet. I'd rather sit down with them and attempt to change their position or at least come to a respectful understanding their viewpoints if I can't. The counter trolling known as love and tolerate doesn't actually solve any problems, it just postpones them. Talking to people is usually the better option.

[Creamy Arty 6,252]

I think my typical spiel on the earning and giving of respect applies here too:

 

Besides the obvious stalemate arising from two parties each waiting for the other to make the first move to somehow earn the other's respect, one is typically making two assumptions regarding their respect that they have no right to make. The first being that yours is something worth earning. The second being that anyone would or should even care to earn it from you. That's up to the discretion of each person you meet. It's not your call.

 

 

For those wondering how the "love and tolerate" saying came to be in this fandom, to the best of my knowledge it originated on (yes, yes, I know) 4chan. The result of a bunch of flaming and the need for a smartass comeback. Eventually it spread throughout our ranks as well because it truly does fit the premise of this show, which is many bronies' reason for loving it and banding together. Has the fandom really practiced it? In my experiences... mostly. I know we have some rather horrible people among us, on this forum and abroad, but the majority of my experiences have been positive. Much better than any other fandom I've rolled with. This goes for online and real world interactions.

 

And you know, it doesn't take that much effort to love and tolerate most people, in my opinion. I do it all the time, it feels good, and I generally get shown the same consideration in return. It's gotta start somewhere so it might as well be me, I figure.

[Jeric 46,894]

And you know, it doesn't take that much effort to love and tolerate most people, in my opinion

 

That is my second favorite sentence I have seen on this board. 

[Justin_Case001 4,943]

Respect should be given, no matter what you think about the opinions/lifestyle/religion/favorite ponies/etc. of other people. Love and tolerance? You don't have to love. Tolerate? It's up to you if you tolerate something, though you can't say that someone shouldn't do something just because you disagree with it. We should respect other people, at least as long as they don't hurt us or others.

Some people seem to think that they can decide about feelings and opinions of other people and THIS is the real problem with our world. I try to respect everyone as long as they respect me. I might disagree with their opinions. Lifestyle. Culture. But I don't try to tell people in what they should believe, what they should think, how they should act... If they don't hurt anyone, it's none of my buisness. 

Perfect response.  I completely agree.  Not really much to add.  I'll just add that even if someone loses my respect, I always treat others respectfully, rather than lower myself to their level.  I treat everyone with respect, I tolerate everything as long as it's not hurting others, and then love, of course, is something much deeper that is more earned.

 

"Love and Tolerance" was never really a thing, honestly. This fandom certainly hasn't embraced it. It's a pretty cold and intolerant fandom, but meh.

Gee whiz.  Really?  Cold and intolerant?  Wow, that just...kinda strikes me a little...extreme, I guess.  I mean, sure, no matter where you go, there's always going to be intolerance, closed-mindedness, hatred, etc.  No matter how nice of a group it is, when it's a public group that anyone can join, there will be some unpleasant folks.  But, idk, to characterize the whole fandom as cold and intolerant...just makes me kinda sad, because I've had such positive experiences here.  Maybe I just haven't seen every side to the fandom.  Maybe the places I frequent are nicer than some other places.  But since I arrived to these forums, I've found this fandom to be, on average, the nicest, most open-minded, tolerant, and accepting group of people I've ever associated with.  Time and again this group continues to impress me.  When I see certain arguments brewing on the forums, I start to get worried that the fandom will disappoint me, but over and over again my faith is restored when I see that the majority is open-minded and tolerant.  For instance, I will read through one of the more controversial, argumentative threads, and I'll see a good number of posts on both sides.  Maybe about half will be on the side of open-mindedness and tolerance, and half will be what I'd characterize as more closed-minded, intolerant and judgemental.  But what I often notice is that the accepting side will gets tons of brohoofs.  And the negative side?  No hoofs.  And then I'll make a lengthy post in favor of acceptance, open-mindedness and tolerance, and it will get my all time single post hoof record.  That, my friends, is why my faith is restored time and again.  In fact, the positivity of this community has inspired me to do many things irl that I used to be afraid to.  It's given me much more confidence.  I'd go so far as to say that this community has changed my life for the better.

 

So, idk, it just seems pretty positive to me, for the most part.  I kind of think this community is pretty special.  It makes me feel a bit more hopeful about humanity.  But maybe I just don't really know what I'm talking about.

Edited August 16, 2014 by Justin_Case001

[CheeryFox 23,827]

I don't think of this place where a bunch of strangers go to and just leave some random comments around. There's so much good here, the impressions that are left, the people that care. I don't have to do anything for you. I'm not obligated. But that's not who we truly are. People are kind by heart. And it's that same heart that makes them most vulnerable. Trust, respect -- none of that should be earned. Everybody deserves a blank slate. You start to write things on that slate, good and bad - weighing the pros & cons, knowing who they are. 

 

For those who say that this is a cold place, then why do you come here? This would seem a bit illogical to me. People want love and tolerance, I know I do. Are you talking about arguing? Well that gives people a stronger bond. Don't confuse that with bullying or anything. We are a community/family here, people come and go. The important thing is, you showed 'em you cared, even a bit. 

 

'As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.' Our bonds are special, there's nobody else like us. We're here for understanding, fun, love, and that's just the beginning.

[__Duck-Quack__ 151]

Personaly I believe we should expect to have to earn Tolerance and respect, but give freely respect and tolerance to others. That keeps you from presuming you deserve any special treatment while also staying kind enough to give people a chance.

Edited August 15, 2014 by MaybeRepunzel

[Ashen Pathfinder 16,167]

Well, as usual, it depends on the person who is giving said love & tolerance. I'll use the term respect as others have.

 

Personally, I prefer to give respect unconditionally; even if certain actions or circumstances make that so very hard for me. I struggle with this a great deal at work, and I tend to slip in my convictions somewhat when I'm dealing with some customers. It's not that they disrespect me, it's just that I get frustrated with them. That's my fault, really.

 

In the end, I think it to goes back to the so-called golden rule; "treat others with the respect that you wish to receive from them." That's one thing I really want to achieve in my life. I don't want to go the route that my parents have; who seem to have let years of disappointment affect them and look at certain others with a certain disdain.

 

In the end, I want to treat others with respect as that is how I want to be treated. Even if someone does not respect me, I still will respect them.

[Spagem 505]

"Love and tolerance" is total bullshit anyway. I refuse to give people either without them proving to me that it's even worth putting in the effort.

This right here. 

 

Like he said, love and tolerance is complete BS. The saying was never even meant to be a loving thing in the first place. It was a saying bronies on 4chan used to piss off trolls hating on them.

Edited August 16, 2014 by Megajack

[Falsey 44]

I don't personally require anypony to "Earn" my love and tolerence, but they can certainly lose it. I give others the benefit of the doubt, and unless they act like complete jerks, I'll keep it up! "Remember we're all hooved, at the end of each leg!"

[Samurai Equine 58,613]

Is L&T earned or given?

 

...it's tested. Definitely tested. And if you've never felt like it's been tested, or if it's been way too easily lost, then you never had that much of it in the first place. And that's probably the real problem.

 

Love and tolerance is a great thing to have, just practice what you preach.