writing Hey! Part 2 of my first little story thing~!

[MrJK 399]

Hey all! I made part 2 of that little combat scene i did earlier. Its rather long but id'e love if you read it for me! <3 So please, read it and leave your critiques and/or your praises! Or just read it and make fun of me, thats good too! (Also, i think dialogue is my weakest point. Also descriptions. I tried to work those in, but very poorly. I guess thats what you get when your writing a story with NOTHING before it. )

 

Here you go! http://mrjk14.deviantart.com/journal/The-sequel-to-my-entry-cause-i-want-to-write-296718533

[Whiteshade 1,426]

First of all to get the grammar nazi out the way...

*elbows. he He let out a grin - capitalization

*unable to use it - no dash

*He felt responsible for her injury and couldn't help but feeling guilty - tense

*find the words after there their encounter - phrasing

*not wanting to thing think about it. - spelling

*Here, ill I'll get it - spelling

*face. he He was just happy - capitalization

*too much enthusiasm - misspelled as "to"

*for the fear (that) they would return - grammatical lapse

*the bodies (were) still present - grammar

*Thats That's what he wanted - misspelled

*He helped held his arm under her shoulder to steady her - phrasing

*She didn't know if she would be able to cope with it without him - phrasing

*but his strong arm (was) always their there to support her - grammar and spelling

*At dusk he finally stopped - no period

*then nodded un-surely - no dash

*i guess i didn't think it through to well, But but here is better than nowhere - comma not period, capitalize "I"

*He shrugged and led her their there - spelling

*He wrapped her his arm around her - phrasing

 

It looks like a lot but its just a tendency to not capitalize, and the confusion of "there", "their", and "they're". Just those 2 account for like 90% of the mistakes

 

Also, , great work and you wrote in such a short time