Jest Your Joke

[Misty Shadow 7,088]

Did another G5 comedy story, this one is a sketch compilation with a wraparound. 

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/538564/jest-your-joke

One morning, Sunny and her friends were at a diner called ITROT getting breakfast. She, Izzy, Pipp, Zipp, Hitch, and Sparky were sitting at a booth with their newly reformed friend, Misty, and waiting for the food they had ordered.

“Hmm…that food sure is taking a while…” Zipp said with a blithe grin on her face.

“And you sure seem…happy about it?” Pipp asked suspiciously. “I thought you hated being kept waiting.”

“I do.” Zipp replied. “But when it comes to food, I tend to be more patient. Back at the palace, Mom always demanded for food to be brought out right on time. I don’t need ponies to rush out a free meal for me.”

“Uh…Zipp,” interjected a confused Hitch, “even though I’m treating, this food isn’t free.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Zipp retorted. “I know you enjoy your sheriff’s discount, but we can get something even better depending on how bad the hold-up is.”

“Oh no, I see where this is going…” Pipp said with a dejected sigh. “If you hate the stuff Mom does, why do you want to copy her?”

“I’m not copying her!” Zipp denied. “Mom would get legitimately mad if the food wasn’t brought out on time at a restaurant! I’m just going to act like it bugs me that they dared to keep royalty waiting so they’ll give us an extra discount as a way of compensating!”

“That sounds dubious, Zipp…” Sunny chimed in. “Don’t you think we should be setting a good example for Misty?”

“Oh, don’t mind me.” Misty said meekly. “I’ve seen Opaline do far more shady things. She was always ordering Hoofer Eats and never tipping the delivery drivers. Even when they were really nice.”  

“See?” Zipp remarked. “How can I top that? I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m just outsmarting the system!”

“There’s no need for that…” Hitch said wearily.

“No need for you, at least, Mr. System!” Izzy exclaimed.

“Oh hoofness…” Hitch reacted in annoyance, knowing what she had on her mind.

“Wait, what’s the gag here?” Zipp tried to inquire. “Clue me in.”

Izzy then began to recount an anecdote…

---

Outsmarting the System

Sunny, Izzy, and Hitch were at the Crystal Brighthouse, sitting on the couch in the living room and looking at photos in an album. A photo of Izzy handing Hitch’s team an award Cloudpuff won for Cutest Puppy at the Jinxie Games in Bridlewood Forest caught their eye.

“I can’t believe you were able to win something from that event in the end after all the trouble you had figuring out those rules!” Sunny remarked. “Rules I admittedly didn’t really understand myself…”

“What can I say?” Hitch replied. “The rules made no sense, the system was broke. No disrespect meant to Izzy, but I think those games are just the kind of thing that only satisfies you when you win by getting lucky, making you feel like you outsmarted the system.”

Sunny chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Hitch asked.

“It’s just amusing to hear something like that coming from you, the town sheriff.” Sunny explained. “I mean, as a cop who enforces the rules in this town, you kind of are the system.”

Izzy gasped upon hearing this.

“Hitch is the system?!” she exclaimed in shock.

She then levitated a giant trophy over to Hitch’s lap with her magic and vigorously cried, “WINNER!”.

“Wwwhhhaaattt?” Hitch reacted in disbelief while Sunny laughed to herself.

---

Back at the diner, Sunny and all of her friends besides Hitch were laughing too.

“I just don’t get it!” he cried in frustration. “I hate to lose and win in ways I don’t understand!”

“Hey, you know the old saying.” Zipp commented. “It doesn’t matter so long as you win. You’re only a loser if you’re stuck in the past about how you could’ve won something better.”

“When we play board games, you complain when I award you points based on technicalities.” Hitch reminded her.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me!” Zipp exclaimed, attempting to change the subject. “At the Jinxie Games, Pipp told Mom about how we play board games with you and you won’t believe what she said…”

Zipp then began to recount her own anecdote…

---

Different Kind of Board Game

During the Jinxie Games in Bridlewood, Pipp was reacting with disgust to her mother, Queen Haven, suggesting that she and her sister, Zipp, were romantically involved with Hitch.

“Oh yuck, Mom!” she cried distastefully. “Hitch is our friend! We play board games with him!”

Zipp then looked at her sister with a bemused expression on her face. Pipp noticed and was bemused herself.

“What?” she said to her sister.

“You know that’s not exactly true.” Zipp replied. “We do more than just that with him.”

“Zipp!” Pipp exclaimed in anger. “You’re not helping!”

“Oooh, what else do you do?” Haven asked enthusiastically, her interest having been piqued.

“Nothing!” Pipp yelled in denial.

However, the stares from her sister and mother eventually led her to cave to the pressure.

“Okay,” admitted Pipp in defeat, “there was this one time when we played a…different kind of board game…”

“Go on…” Haven said cheerfully.

“We were using an Ouija Board…” Pipp continued, trying to pluck up courage. “…and we…accidentally summoned a mare’s ghost!”

Haven’s look became one of disappointment.

“Wait, that’s it?” she asked. “Did the ghost turn out to be Hitch’s late ex-wife?”

“WHAT?!” Pipp bellowed in disbelief. “Mom, he’s never been married!”

“Hey, it’s not that much of a stretch.” Haven defended the rationale of her suggestion. “He does have paid-off mortgage and gets a lot of female attention, after all.”

“I can attest to that.” Zipp replied, leading her mom to chuckle and her sister to growl.

“Whose side are you on?!” Pipp admonished Zipp. 

“Look,” said Pipp to her mother, “the point is we don’t have anything intimate going on with Hitch! He’s just a friend we like to play Monopoly with sometimes!”

“Don’t worry, I believe you…” Haven replied in an unconvincing tone. “Though I must ask, do you two do a good job sharing him, or does one of you own a monopoly on him?”

“MOM, STOP TALKING, GO TO JAIL!” Pipp shouted as her mom laughed.

---

Back at the diner, Zipp was laughing while Pipp was shooting her sister a blank stare.

“Uh…Zipp?” she said, perplexed. “That is like, totally not what happened!”

“Yeah…” Hitch added, also bewildered. “The whole part with Pipp telling your mom about us summoning a mare’s ghost with an Ouija board was a dead giveaway that you were exaggerating. After all, we strictly swore to keep that a secret.”  

“Well, if Izzy can stretch the truth and say that she threw donuts at Opaline in a story that already wasn’t entirely accurate to reality…” Zipp alluded to the time Pipp exaggerated a retelling of their encounter with Opaline as Pipp rolled her eyes and crossed her forelegs.

Soon, the server brought the group their food. Hitch had ordered a bowl of Pony O’s cereal with his coffee, something that caught Izzy’s eye.

“Ooh, alphabet cereal!” Izzy cried excitedly. “It’s spelling out a message! It says, “OOOOOOO…””

“Please, Izzy…” Hitch pleaded dejectedly. “No Family Stallion references…”

“Why not?” Izzy retorted. “Are you a bigger fan of the time The Simpstallions was funny?”  

“Ha ha, Simpstallions.” Pipp said to herself amusedly, chuckling. “Like the stallions who simp for me. Uh? Uh?”

Every pony at the table just stared at Pipp bemusedly, including Sparky, who went, “Uh…”.

“Uh heh heh…” Pipp chuckled nervously over her joke not going well. “Yeah, I guess that’s why I’m a singer, not a comedian. Count me out on telling a funny story, let whoever else wants to go next do that.”

“I think Misty should be the next to tell one.” Sunny suggested, catching Misty, who was about to eat a stack of butterfly-shaped pancakes, off guard.

“Who, me?” Misty reacted in surprise. “But I’m no comedian myself!”

“No one here is.” Izzy reassured her. “And I’m the unofficial “funny one” out of our group!”

“Well…” Misty said, her tune changing as she eyed Hitch’s Pony O’s and coffee. “That joke you made about the cereal and then what you said about The Simpstallions did remind me of a time when Opaline wanted me to make her favorite drink…”

Misty started recounting an anecdote…

---

Flaming O

Opaline was coughing after her tirade of yelling at Misty upon being informed of Misty not bringing her Sparky again.

“See what you’ve done to me, Misty?” Opaline guilted her.

“Why don’t you soothe that cough with a nice Rifoala?” Misty told her innocently, offering her a cough drop.

“You know I don’t want a Rrriiifoooaaalllaaa!” Opaline exclaimed in irritation, inadvertently yelling in a way similar to the Rifoala commercial while slapping the cough drop out of her hoof. “I need cough syrup! And not just cough syrup after what you told me about not getting the dragon fire, I need a drink! I need my favorite drink, apple cider mixed with cough syrup and dragon fire!”

“Wait, do you want dragon fire in the drink, or separate from the drink?” Misty asked, attempting to clarify. “Like, you do want it in the beverage, on the side, or both?”

“Like you don’t know!” Opaline scoffed. “You know what I want, so get me what I want! That’s an order!”

“Well, of course you’re making an order.” Misty remarked. “I just wanted to make sure I’m getting the right order in case there’s a mix-up-”  

Opaline put a hoof to her face, and not wanting to put any more stress on her lungs, just angrily muttered…

“Just get out of here and get what I asked for.”

Soon, Misty found herself at Hitch’s office, taking advantage of the town sheriff dozing off for a nap as an opportunity to sneak in and procure dragon fire from an unwitting Sparky. With a mug of cider mixed with cough syrup in hoof, she snuck up behind the baby dragon, who was innocently playing with one of Hitch’s office pencils, and cried…

“BOO!”

“WAH!” Sparky yelped before belching out a flame of dragon fire in shock, which Misty caught in the drink.

“Succe-”

Misty’s celebration was quickly cut off, however, by her realizing that the dragon fire had a transformative effect on the drink that she wasn’t expecting. Letting out a sigh, she grumbled…

“The things I do for five minutes of love…”

Regardless of her fear of Opaline not liking what she had, she returned to the lair anyway to be greeted to the grisly stare she loathed being accustomed to.

“Well?” Opaline said coldly.

“I got the dragon fire in the drink like you asked, and it…created this.” Misty replied nervously as she handed Opaline what the dragon fire had made, revealing it to be a canned energy drink and a bag of spicy, cheese-flavored snacks. “I’m sure you would’ve preferred a hot drink out of a mug, but the effects of the fire’s magic are out of my control. You like Red Horse and Flaming Hot Treatos, right?”

Opaline then gave Misty the exact same unamused look she gave her before her tirade, worrying Misty.

“I’ll take that as a no…” she said, shaking and sweating fearfully.

“You should know that I don’t like Red Horse and Flaming Hot Treatos…” Opaline told her in a serious tone, levitating the drink and bag with her magic. “I ADORE Red Horse and Flaming Hot Treatos.”

She then happily opened the bag and can, eating the snacks inside and glugging the energy drink. Misty let out a sigh of relief.

“I should’ve known.” she remarked, alleviated. “Of course you’d like stuff like that. Red Horse and Flaming Hot Treatos are favorites of ponies who like to sit around the house all day!”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Opaline shouted angrily.

“AAAHHH!” Misty yelled in terror.

---

As Misty’s anecdote concluded, everyone laughed.

“That was great, Misty!” Izzy complimented. “But was that part at the end funny because we all know Red Horse is actually apple cider mixed with cough syrup, because Flaming Hot Treatos are a stereotypical “basement dweller snack”, or because of your suffering?”

“All of the above.” Misty explained. “Comedy works best when you tell a joke with layers, a gag that’s actually multiple gags combined into one. They also say that all comedy is derived from some form of suffering.”

“Ain’t that the truth…” Hitch grumbled, remembering all the times he had been hit with fruit. “Regardless Misty, even after the bad things you’ve done, including stealing and scaring Sparky, we all want to laugh with you, not at you.”

“Really?” Misty reacted with bewilderment. “I know you guys are nothing like Opaline, but come on. It wasn’t just Sparky who suffered because of me, I could’ve gotten you guys killed. You really don’t take any joy in my misfortune?”

“We already told you that we don’t hate any pony.” Sunny reassured her. “It shouldn’t surprise you that we also have no concept of sadism.”

“You have me there.” Misty conceded. “Though I’m sure even awesome ponies like you have to wonder what would’ve happened if things had gone just a bit differently…”

Misty then began to tell a story about an alternate scenario of what could’ve happened after she decided to rescue her friends…

---

Bursting Your Bubble

Misty had just popped the anti-magic bubble encasing her friends with one of the sticks by Opaline’s throne. Levitated in the air by magic, she was then given the cutie mark she always wanted before being brought back down to the ground…

…except it wasn’t the cutie mark she always wanted. Instead of being a butterfly, it was the stick she had used to burst the bubble.

“Oh…what do you know.” Misty reacted with disappointment. “It’s what I always dreamed of…and it’s also not.”

“Yeah, life likes being ironic like that.” Izzy remarked in an uncharacteristically cheeky tone. “Maybe because you burst our bubble, the forces of the universe decided to burst yours!”

“Oh, hardy har har.” Misty sarcastically retorted. “Isn’t this the part where you’re supposed to make me feel better?”

“Well, you literally only just redeemed yourself.” Izzy argued, still talking with a hint of sass in her voice. “Not to mention that you could’ve penetrated me with that stick!”

“Pfft, penetrated with a stick.” Zipp said to herself amusedly, snickering. “Love how wrong that sounds…”

“Why are you being so passive-aggressive?” Misty questioned Izzy. “This isn’t like you!”

“Gee, I don’t know.” Izzy responded sarcastically. “Maybe it’s because you could’ve plowed that thing right into my chest…”

Zipp kept snickering to herself.

“Or maybe because you’re better at popping anti-magic bubbles than me, with that cutie mark potentially symbolizing that talent, yet here you are, being an ungrateful stick in the mud about your cutie mark being a giant stick.” Izzy chided her.

“Yeah Misty, quit acting like you have to compensate for something.” Zipp chimed in with a joke.

“Are…are you guys doing this to punish me?” a suspecting Misty asked.

“No,” interjected a frustrated Pipp, “this is just two of us being petty, unfunny marechildren.”

“Yeah!” Sunny exclaimed, upset with Izzy and Zipp. “Don’t listen to them! It’s okay to be disappointed every now and then, like I am with these two! But you’ll grow to love that mark! I bet it symbolizes something of great significance! Like…um…how you’re going to stick it to Opaline now!”

“How you’re going to be great at…speaking softly and carrying a big stick?” Hitch winged on the fly nervously.  

“It feels even worse when you’re trying to not make fun of me…” Misty said somberly.

“Alright, now I kind of get what Izzy meant about the whole ingratitude thing.” Pipp remarked with a change of tune. “You should at least appreciate us sticking up for you. …Wait…”

“I guess this mark’s not the only thing that’s going to stick with me forever…” Misty made her own joke about her humiliation.

---

After Misty ended the story there, she looked around at her friends with a subdued expression and noticed they had concerned looks on their faces.

“Why was I so mean in that story?” Izzy asked despondently. “You know that’s not me…I was the first one of us you met.”

“And while I’m a jerk with a heart of gold who enjoys a good, edgy joke…” Zipp admitted as she chimed in. “…I was the first one of us you opened up to.”

“Exactly.” Misty replied blankly, surprising them. “It’s precisely for those reasons I felt you two would feel the greatest sense of betrayal from what I did. That’s why I thought you two would be the happiest to see me eating humble pie. I’m sorry I failed to make you laugh…”

“I thought your story was mostly funny!” Sunny exclaimed. “It’s just…disheartening how it felt like it was coming from a part of you that’s hurt. We really don’t want you to be in pain anymore from guilt!”

“I know, it’s just hard.” Misty confessed sadly. “I think you should tell the next story. It would be perfect for a pony like you to end our breakfast on an uplifting note.”

“Alright, I’ll tell the last story…” Sunny agreed as a plan to lift every pony’s spirits formed in her mind. “Mine is going to continue where yours left off, and this time, every pony’s going to get a laugh at the end!”  

---

Let Out Your Laugh

Continuing right from where Misty’s story left off, Pipp attempted to comfort Misty.

“Hey, it doesn’t matter what you have for a cutie mark.” Pipp tried to offer some words of wisdom. “Every pony has a chance to try something new, they don’t just have to stick (no pun intended) with what they’re good at. Look at me. I’m a singer, that’s the talent my cutie mark represents, but I work in a hair salon.” 

“So even though this mark is going to stay with me for the rest of my life…” Misty said, contemplating the situation along with what Pipp said.

“It seems you’re catching on.” Pipp remarked enthusiastically. “You have to own your fails! …Wait, sorry, that was the wrong advi-”

“I have to own it!” Misty exclaimed with newfound confidence. “Even if this mark means that my destiny is to fail for the rest of my life, I’ll own it!”

“That’s the spirit!” Pipp cried ecstatically before making a mental pause. “…I think.”

“In any case, Pipp’s right.” Zipp interjected. “It doesn’t matter if you have a stick on your butt, what matters is that you don’t have a stick up your butt about it!”

“That joke doesn’t have any intended…naughty connotations, right?” Misty asked with uncertainty.

Before Misty could get her answer, Izzy chimed in with…

“Hey, I’m sorry for being snarky earlier. I admit it, I was jealous, and not just because you’re better at popping bubbles. The truth is, I always thought it would be cool to have a big stick for a cutie mark. It just hurt seeing you sad about how you’ve been blessed!”

“Um…I forgive you, can you just clarify that there are no intended naughty connotations he-” Misty tried to get an answer again before she was cut off.

“Look!” an exasperated Hitch exclaimed, interrupting her. “We’ve dragged this out long enough, jacking around while Sparky is upstairs being sucked dry! You know what we need to do!”

“Alright, alright!” Misty relented. “You can tie me up now!”

Getting right to the climax (no naughty connotations intended)…

Opaline and Sunny were facing off in a battle between alicorns, trading magical blows. Soon, Opaline made a magical blast at Sunny that she overpowered with her own magical blast with the power of her friends supporting her, knocking Opaline to the ground and stunning her.

“Now you’re going to know what it’s like to be trapped!” Sunny cried, foreboding Opaline’s punishment.

“Ooooooooohhh, scary.” a defeated Opaline made a sarcastic rejoinder. “Not like I’m already trapped here all day.”

“I’m serious.” Sunny asserted. “You’re going to get wrapped inside anti-magical energy and it’s not going to be fun!”

“Yeah, an anti-magical energy trap that I can escape from in ten seconds flat.” Opaline continued to sarcastically comment. “If there’s anything I’m terrified of, it’s you giving one of my favorite methods of stymieing foes a bad rap!”

“Did you say, “bad rap”?” Sunny retorted cheekily.

She then cast a magic spell that caused a magical blanket with anti-magical properties covered in small, yellow, anti-magical bubbles to appear on Opaline’s body. The blanket was then wrapped around Opaline’s entire body, leaving only her head free from being confined by anti-magical bubble wrap.

“Instead of being scared of a bad rap, you should be hoping for a good pop.” Sunny joked as she donned sunglasses.

“BOO.” a displeased Pipp reacted.

“I feel ya.” an equally unamused Izzy concurred, sporting the glasses and hat she wore when she rapped in Fit Right In.

“This is OUTRAGEOUS!” Opaline hollered. “You can’t defeat me like this! Especially not after that pathetic excuse for a roast!”

“What’s the matter, fire queen?” Sunny continued taunting her. “Don’t like getting roasted by me? Afraid of a little…burn from the sun?”

“GGGRRRAAAaaaaa…actually, that one wasn’t too terrible.” Opaline admitted. “You still haven’t beaten me though!”

“Oh, we most certainly have.” Sunny retorted. “All that’s left is to give you the proper sendoff.”

What Sunny referred to involved Misty, after they had freed her, slapping a stamp on Opaline’s forehead before one of Zipp’s flying drones carried her outside of the castle to be mailed to Skyros.

“NNNNNOOOOO!” Opaline cried campily in defeat.

“Think she’ll make it?” Sunny asked Misty.

“Yup.” Misty answered. “Because I stuck it to her good.”

The two then hoof-pumped each other before Sunny and all of her friends let out a hearty laugh.

---

With the last story finished, Sunny made a joke to all her friends at the diner…

“And that’s a wrap!”

Sunny and all her friends shared a laugh before Sparky made an innocent “Boo.” noise, briefly disrupting it. After that, their laughing resumed.

“It’s too bad that wouldn’t work as a way to legitimately defeat Opaline for good.” Hitch commented. “Can you imagine how much postage would cost?”

“Yeah, that story was so goofy.” Misty told Sunny warmly before hugging her. “Thank you so much for telling it.”

“Aaaaawwwww…” everyone at the booth including Sparky went as Sunny and Misty’s hug became a group hug.

“I want to help pay the bill now…” Zipp said sweetly, having had a change of heart. “I’ll even cover the tip…”

“Nope, this one’s on me.” Hitch insisted. “Just take a tip, trying to “outfox the system” at a restaurant is silly. Far more important than the money is the time we get to spend with each other.”

Unbeknownst to them, however, Rufus, the owner of the restaurant, had seen everything. A small tear of joy came from his eye as he decided to let Sunny and her friends have their breakfast on the house, his heart having been touched from watching the bond of a group of true friends be strengthened by the power of laughter.

The End