Seriously needed Fic help.

[Alleviate 342]

Hi!

 

As said I seriously need some help with this fic o' mine.

It's my first proper fic that I've written for the sake of writing as opposed to my earlier (Terrible) H/w piece that 80% converted a 50 year old Kid-Hater to a Near-Pegasista...Yeah...I do that to people.

 

ANYWAY, as said, I'm in trouble with my current fic, I'm out of ideas, I'm wondering if I should add in humor or not, whether anyone would get my humor, serious problems with names and character desc.'s

 

 

The usual stuff really...

 

This is a semi-dark adventure-esque fic about the 3 spirits of....something currently undetermined (Name?)

 

That don't know each other, in fact one of them is trying to kill one of the others and the third doesn't even know that anything is wrong.

 

Set in a semi-apocalyptic Equestria (Not that Apoc. though!)

All done in third person. Past.

 

Would really appreciate some ideas.

 

I've linked to the first two chapters on FF as that's where I host.

The odd layout is because I wrote them both on Notepad - That's sorted now, next chapter will be more normally set out.

 

Fic name is 'Fall of the Kingdom of Equestria'

 

Any help is welcome.

 

LINK: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/20176/The-fall-of-the-kingdom-of-Equestria

 

-Joe-

 

P.s. Ideas for cover art would be nice!

P.s.s. It's not THAT crappy, seriously!

[Planty 1,053]

I don't think I would add in humor, it feels serious and epicy.

 

Maybe the 3 spirits could be the 3 spirits of desire, where each race of pony has a dark desire in them that festord to create the spirits?

[Hat988 108]

There isn't much information there. From the look of it, you are going to introduce a bunch of new stuff (three spirits, their motivations, past history etc.) and you have to keep in mind that the reader might get lost. It also looks very serious and perhaps introspective. I would suggest starting the story with something familiar then leading the reader through to your new additions highlighting how they relate to what is already known. If there is humour, it should come from sub-textual irony or character interaction - not slapstick, but something that adds to the theme of the work.

 

That don't know each other, in fact one of them is trying to kill one of the others and the third doesn't even know that anything is wrong.

It might be useful for you to consider each relationship and how it progresses through the story. You have three characters which means there are six possible relationships:

One's relationship to Two

Two's relationship to One

One's relationship to Three

Two's relationship to Three

Three's relationship to One

Three's relationship to Two

[Alleviate 342]

There isn't much information there. From the look of it, you are going to introduce a bunch of new stuff (three spirits, their motivations, past history etc.) and you have to keep in mind that the reader might get lost. It also looks very serious and perhaps introspective. I would suggest starting the story with something familiar then leading the reader through to your new additions highlighting how they relate to what is already known. If there is humour, it should come from sub-textual irony or character interaction - not slapstick, but something that adds to the theme of the work.

 

 

 

It might be useful for you to consider each relationship and how it progresses through the story. You have three characters which means there are six possible relationships:

One's relationship to Two

Two's relationship to One

One's relationship to Three

Two's relationship to Three

Three's relationship to One

Three's relationship to Two

 

That's a fair bit of stuff to think about there, thanks!

 

The thing about lots going on, yeah, even I have problems keeping up with that.

The relationships thing...That needs some work...For now that'll be my priority.

I've realized that I might need to start jotting stuff down now. I've got a small Notepad doc with some of the parts down.

My next biggest problem - The seven bad dudes. They are too confusing to remember what they each do....

 

Basically, I've got a terrible memory and too many characters to keep track of.

 

Anyway, thanks for the pointers.

 

-Joe-

 

I don't think I would add in humor, it feels serious and epicy.

 

Maybe the 3 spirits could be the 3 spirits of desire, where each race of pony has a dark desire in them that festord to create the spirits?

 

I quite like that 'Desires' idea - It seems perfect for the tone of my story.

Thanks.

 

-Joe-