Pinkie Pie Vs Tap (version 2 edited in now 1000 characters longer)

[Bendy 1,819]

Now: On fan fiction.net: Pinkie Pie Vs Tap

 

Fan fiction is completed, but this is still the first version (version 2 edited in now 1000 characters longer), so I'd like a little feedback on this. I may get a friend to proofread it.

 

Note: I think I'll send it to fimfiction now, it may not be perfect, but it will do. I don't have that much time on my hands. Back to silly transcript fan fiction on the Futurama Madhouse for me. I can always edit it or get some to edit it in the future.

 

I'd sorta like a better promo picture of Pinkie Pie being stressed out trying to turn off the tap.

 

 

But I will use this if I have no other choice.

 

 

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Edited September 22, 2012 by Rush

[Rain Dance 131]

Four words. You and your tap! Seriously you seem to love your not working tap I mean a facfic? Wasn't a little to much? No just kidding a great fan fic though!

[Bendy 1,819]

Four words. You and your tap! Seriously you seem to love your not working tap I mean a facfic? Wasn't a little to much? No just kidding a great fan fic though!

 

Thanks! Did you find any grammar errors or spelling error, lack of details or whatever?

 

As to why I made this, I kinda wanted to make a slice of life fan fiction. I hope it might get featured on fimfiction, but I doubt it at least not with promo picture I have and how bad a writer I am.

 

 

Ah yes, sledge hammers. Always usefully for fixing taps.

 

As seen below.

 

Edited September 20, 2012 by Rush

[Bari 7,021]

Well, I definitely love Pinkie Pie, and the characterization was not too off. But, the wording was kind of awkward. It does not exactly flow right. It felt like some word were repeated too often and the description felt wrong. You could go over it and try to make it better by switching for better words.

[ChuniaC 52]

Interesting... That's most I can think of when i read this. But it was pretty good, and if you're looking for grammar faults i can only say that i would choose "more frustrated" rather than "more angrier".

[Bendy 1,819]

Well, I definitely love Pinkie Pie, and the characterization was not too off. But, the wording was kind of awkward. It does not exactly flow right. It felt like some word were repeated too often and the description felt wrong. You could go over it and try to make it better by switching for better words.

 

Well, at least the fan fiction is basically completed, so the hard work is done. Thank you for your honest review. This was the first draft, so I may do a lot of editing (and maybe get some good friend of mine maybe to edit it) to make it better.

 

 

"more frustrated" rather than "more angrier".

 

Yes, frustrated would be a better word. I'll use that.

Edited September 20, 2012 by Rush

[Rain Dance 131]

Thanks! Did you find any grammar errors or spelling error, lack of details or whatever?

 

As to why I made this, I kinda wanted to make a slice of life fan fiction. I hope it might get featured on fimfiction, but I doubt it at least not with promo picture I have and how bad a writer I am.

 

 

Ah yes, sledge hammers. Always usefully for fixing taps.

 

As seen below.

 

 

Yes i saw that picture on another post (I forgot wich one though) i was seriously lauging my ass off when i first saw the sink and then a feckin sledge hammer on top of it. It looked so hillarious!

And yes. You should have the picture with the sledge hammer on the top of the sink at the end of the Fic! (Just a tip though) if you even can have two pictures in one post!

Edited September 20, 2012 by Rain Dance

[Bendy 1,819]

Yes i saw that picture on another post (I forgot wich one though) i was seriously lauging my ass off when i first saw the sink and then a feckin sledge hammer on top of it. It looked so hillarious!

And yes. You should have the picture with the sledge hammer on the top of the sink at the end of the Fic! (Just a tip though) if you even can have two pictures in one post!

 

Maybe. But I don't really have the words to describe the way the sledge hammer is lying on the sink. But if I get a good editor, maybe he or she could fix that.

 

I'm glad you found it funny. My buddies on the Futurama Madhouse loved it too.

Edited September 20, 2012 by Rush