Advice for a novice writer

[Clarity 3,094]

Hey guys. Some of you might have read some of my (unfinished) work and know that I'm a newbie at writing. It's something I want to be good at when I get older--my dream in the brony fandom is to be a well-known fanfic writer.

 

I'm currently writing a sadfic involving friendshipping between Rarity and Applejack. The strangest thing is, I usually know what the ending is more often than the middle or the beginning. When I showed what I got so far to some friends of mine, one a veteran author and one a newbie like me, I got the same advice--I need to slow down and expand on details.

 

But how to do that without making my readers dull? I've already written more than enough of every nook and crany.

 

I'm also having trouble coming up with a good, creative title. Love in Style sounds plain lame, and I can't think of anything else.

 

Please help--give me advice on how to expand on details, or suggest a good title. No trolling, please.

 

My fanfic is here:

 

 

 

Snip, snip.

 

The glint of two metal blades flashed as they were raised, then brought closer together, chopping--

 

A thread.

 

Rarity caused the scissors to part. Her careful eye surveyed the piece of cloth in front of her. The slightest bump, the slightest mistake, she knew, would be a huge flaw and blow to the pony she was making it for.

 

The orange string came, a blue aura glowing around it. Then the red and the green--all stitched together in one colorful sweep. The yarn that jutted out--snip. The needle went through, around and over, until all the dots were connected. Glancing at the diagram now and then. The last touch...something she would never usually stitch into her dresses was now added in. Rarity ended it in a final flourish, weaving it into a bunch.

 

The work was tiring--the normally clean white coat of the unicorn was now tainted with sweat, something Rarity would never allow under normal circumstances--but this time, she was willing to show up bedraggled for her special client. It was all worth it. The finished product was beyond what she thought her skills were. Never had she stitched something so beautiful--not even for the princess.

Carefully, Rarity lifted the dress with her magic and secured it into her bag.

 

----

 

It was cold. Cold in a blizzardy way, the kind that shows snow as more of a deadly enemy than a beautiful scenery. Despite the numerous scarves Rarity had packed, she still shivered from every step as she trudged deeper in the snow. It wasn't only the bad weather that dragged the white unicorn down, but also her destination.

 

There was almost nopony out on the streets of Ponyville. It looked as abandoned as the ruins of the Princesses, perhaps even more--the normally busy streets now felt haunted, ever since the blizzard had taken hold of the town. Usually, Rarity would see the friendly face of Berry Punch peek out the window, calling out and selling her fruits, or the sound of laughter from a recent prank by Rainbow Dash--but now, the only expression on the ponies' faces were depression, sadness, and weary looks of defeat.

 

The Ponyvilleans were trudging through the snow, like she was, with their heads hanging down. Some had dark circles under their eyes from fighting the losing battle. The snow never ceased, mercilessly pounding on Ponyville. Fragile roofs have been blown off by the wind--the amount of homeless ponies had arisen...and the starving ones. Not even the normally industrious Earth ponies could farm their food anymore, having reached their limit.

 

Another bout of freezing wind blew through Rarity, and she let out a shiver, feeling her mane freeze up. One step after another, she dug through the snow with a persistance she normally wouldn't have--this dress must be delivered, Rarity knew, no matter at what cost.

 

It was sometime afterwards--could have been five minutes, or perhaps an hour--that she reached the doors of the barn of Sweet Apple Acres. The double doors were hanging on their hinges, so fragile that they could be blown off any second. Rarity felt the door--it was icy to the touch, so cold that it burned. She quickly removed her hoof, and then tentatively tapped the barn doors twice.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Clarity

[Octavia's Cellozoid 1,488]

It's really great, I love it so far! Do keep posting updates, I really wanna see how this turns out.

 

As for the name.... I really don't have any ideas, sorry

Edited November 18, 2012 by Octavia's Cellozoid

[Clarity 3,094]

It's really great, I love it so far! Do keep posting updates, I really wanna see how this turns out.

Thank you.

 

Can anyone else give me specific feedback, like how to expand on the details like I've wanted in the topic post? I've split them into paragraphs.

[Shiki 5,855]

I usually know what the ending

I am exactly the same, just sayin'.

 

What I've noticed in so many peoples' writing, is that they seem to think adding description means putting in step-by-step sentences of a character's actions; this isn't the case at all. What keeps readers interested, but still allows the fanfic to keep it nicely paced would be a medium-sized mash-up of a variety of things being spoken about, while still maintaining order.

 

The orange string came, a blue aura glowing around it. Then the red and the green--all stitched together in one colorful sweep. The yarn that jutted out--snip. The needle went through, around and over, until all the dots were connected. Glancing at the diagram now and then. The last touch...something she would never usually stitch into her dresses was now added in. Rarity ended it in a final flourish, weaving it into a bunch.

This, for example, is boring, no offense (trust me, it's not as bad as SOME stuff out there. http://mlpforums.com/public/style_emoticons/default/dry.png ). What would be more appealing is a description of the atmosphere, not her actions. For example, throw in some description of what sounds are being heard, like, perhaps the whistling of the wind outside brushing up against a window (this isn't a wonderful example, but that isn't really the point). It is important, especially in the beginning, to throw the reader in to the story; make them feel as if they're there. The way most n00b writers write (I like to think that I'm a LITTLE experienced...), is this style of 3rd person story telling. By this, I don't mean 3rd person point of view, but 3rd person story telling. What I mean, is writers tend to simply TELL the readers what characters are feeling, which is boring. Rather than say, "It wasn't only the bad weather that dragged the white unicorn down, but also her destination." say something like, "The dreadful, snowy day acted as a type of discouraging roadblock, though through the thick of it, she continued to drag her matching hooves through the snow towards her destination, however long it would take her." Now, of course, you may want to alter that to set the kind of mood it is you're trying to keep, but my point is, avoid TELLING the readers things. Rather, SHOW them via scenery description, metaphor/simile, and other useful writing techniques that you usually learn in English class (though, you live in China, so I don't know what all you learn, there). These kinds of things make the reader think, putting two and two together, so it keeps them interested, while as well as making sure the story doesn't go too fast.

 

(I actually have to go, but I'll edit this post to add some more, in a bit, to add some more things I wanted to say.)

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I've been a writer for a while and here is my advice:

 

To keep reader's interested, add details but make them relevant and tie them into the plot. As in, add details but make it so that the extra details serve a purpose of helping the reader's form a mental picture.

 

Example:

 

"Applejack pulled out an apple and ate it"

 

Bad detail expansion

 

"The happy Applejack pulled out an apple and ate it on a Saturday afternoon at 9:00 AM"

 

Good detail expansion

 

"Applejack smiled, and pulled out a red apple, then hastily ate it, much to her satisfaction."

[That One Techpriest You Used To Know 2,286]

Advice? I've got some advice from Dr. TheBronyHeart.

1) Get lucky to get a good idea.

2) Consume large amounts of tea.

 

Apparently, that's how you do it. It works... poem will be posted later today.

[CloudFyre 848]

I'd be glad to help!

 

I'm currently writing a sadfic involving friendshipping between Rarity and Applejack. The strangest thing is, I usually know what the ending is more often than the middle or the beginning. When I showed what I got so far to some friends of mine, one a veteran author and one a newbie like me, I got the same advice--I need to slow down and expand on details.

Don't worry, that happens all the time. I usually have the middle/end in mind before I have a workable starting point. It just takes some time to sit down and mull over what you really want out of it.

 

 

But how to do that without making my readers dull? I've already written more than enough of every nook and crany.

 

I'm also having trouble coming up with a good, creative title. Love in Style sounds plain lame, and I can't think of anything else

 

The first thing to be wary of is over-saturating your readers with information. If it's not relevant/it seems forced, it should probably be avoided. I can't see any nitty-gritty mistakes (like grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc.), so I'll simply do an edit with some expansions/changes added as an example. (I think there was 1 spelling error and one word misuse, so don't sweat over it.)

 

 

 

 

Snip, snip.

 

The glint of two metal blades flashed as they were raised. They slid closer together, chopping--

 

A thread.

 

Rarity caused the scissors to part. Her careful eye surveyed the piece of cloth in front of her. She knew that the slightest bump, the slightest twitch of the hoof, would cause a huge flaw in her creation. Not only would it be a blow to the pony she was designing it for, but it would be an embarrassment to both her and other custom seamstresses alike.

 

The orange string lazily hung in the air next to her, a soft, blue tinted aura glowing around it. Then came red and the green strands--all stitched together in one colorful sweep. The yarn that jutted out--snip. The needle went through, around and over, finding it's way through an ocean of fibers until all the dots were connected. Glancing at her hoof-drawm diagram now and then, she verified that this final product was exactly what she had dreamed it would be.

 

A final touch - something she would never usually stitch into her dresses - was now added in. Rarity ended it in a final flourish, weaving it into a bunch.

 

The work was tiring, and the normally clean white coat of the unicorn was now tainted with sweat, something Rarity would never allow under normal circumstances. This time however, she was willing to show up bedraggled for her special client. It was all worth it. The finished product aesthetically satisfying than the image she had first envisioned. Never had she stitched something so beautiful--not even for the princess.

 

Carefully, Rarity lifted the dress with her magic and secured it into her bag.

 

----

 

It was cold. No, not just cold, but a blood chilling cold. On a normal winter's day, Rarity would've loved to spend a few hours outside. As a filly, she would have rather spent her time indoors and in the warm comforts of home, but now the phenomena of a good snowfall was fascinating to her. Each flake was a tiny, delicate crystal of water, each with their own uniqueness and irreplicable beauty. When she first looked at snow in that perspective, she realized that the world was not just covered in white, but that it was covered in millions upon millions of clear, perfect gems, each with it's own structure and pattern. That was nature at it's best.

 

But today was different. The cold snow showed itself as more of a deadly enemy than beautiful scenery. In short: it was something to be avoided.

 

Despite the numerous scarves Rarity had packed, the arctic temperatures managed to extend tendrils of icy wind around and through her multiple layers of thermal wear. She shivered from every step in that accursed snow. It wasn't only the bad weather that dragged the white unicorn down, but also her destination.

 

There was almost nopony out on the streets of Ponyville. It was as if trudging through the abandoned as the ruins of the Princesses, perhaps even moreso. The normally busy streets now felt haunted and desolate, uninviting and lifeless. It was a direct effect of the blizzard that had taken hold of the town, this "storm of all storms" that was the former talk of the town. Usually Rarity would see the friendly face of Berry Punch peek out the window, calling out and selling her fruits, or the sound of laughter from a recent prank by Rainbow Dash--but now, the only expression on the ponies' faces were of depression, sadness, and weary looks of defeat.

 

Anypony desperate enough to venture outside moved about in the same fashion as she did: bundled from tip to tail, heads hanging low, and walking with a slow shuffle. Some had dark circles under their eyes from fighting the losing battle. The snow never ceased, mercilessly pounding on Ponyville. Fragile roofs have been blown off by the wind--the amount of homeless ponies had risen...and the starving ones. Not even the normally industrious Earth ponies could farm their food anymore, having reached their limit.

 

Another bout of freezing wind blew through Rarity, and she let out a shiver, feeling her mane freeze up. One step after another, she dug through the snow with a persistence she normally wouldn't have--this dress must be delivered, Rarity knew, no matter at what cost.

 

It was sometime afterwards--could have been five minutes, or perhaps an hour--that she reached the doors of the barn of Sweet Apple Acres. The double doors were hanging on their hinges, so fragile that they could be blown off any second. Rarity felt the door--it was icy to the touch, so cold that it burned. She quickly removed her hoof, and then tentatively tapped the barn doors twice.

 

I tried to avoid adding too much extra content, since this is really your story. Though I have to admit: I was half tempted to add a few paragraphs just for fun.

 

Anyhow, you have a great start! I'd like to see where this goes.

 

I hope this helps!

Edited November 20, 2012 by CloudFyre

[Oddgob 56]

There is nothing here.

Edited April 15, 2017 by Oddgob