I need to do this.

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

Hey Everypony. 

 

          My name is Voodoo and I have been a brony for nearly two years now. Never been to brony-con, never have been able to have my own Fluttershy or Big Mackintosh plushie. I have never really gotten to do many things in my life, and I can only blame myself for that. I know these forums are a place for happiness and joy, love, and tolerance- But the fact of the matter is, in these last few weeks, hell for the last past year, My life has been a tyranny of misery and despair. 

 

         Ever since graduating high school in 2009 and escaping my father, I thought I could finally do something with myself, and make it right for me, MYSELF. Ever since 2009 I have only proved myself wrong. It wasn't until recently when I found ponies that things began to finally turn around for me, if nothing else, it helped my outlook on life a little bit. However before you correct me, chastise me or whatever, realize this- My father was a very abusive man. Not so much physically mind you. There was physical abuse, but his methods were mental... and they were effective. It was actually because of my father I vowed not to be like him and no matter what, no matter the circumstance, no matter the trial, no matter how I may have felt- I was going to bring joy and happiness to all those around me, no matter what.  When I saw people in pain, suffering from themselves and from others, I took it on myself to be a friend, and to be kind and loving, being there for when they needed it, when there was no one else there for them. This was even before ponies- It all came from a drive to not be like my father. I kept this up for years, taking everypony on my wing, ignoring myself and making sure they would be alright.

 

         Now its a few years later and all of this is starting to take its toll on me. It really and truly is. You see, I am a very over-sensitive person as is, and it only plays to my weaknesses. But at the time I didn't care, simply because I wanted to be there for others. Now depression is sinking in deeply within me. I have watched most of my cousins grow up around me. most of them have had children, I have two cousins right now who have pregnant girlfriends and I have never had a love of my own. Never. They all have jobs and I have spent the last two years desperately looking for work, simply so I can call myself capable, if nothing else. I have only one friend, only one and I cherish him more than anything else in this world because I truly believe my family is broken, as terrible as that may be. However he's losing his own battle and his view of the world is dark and dreary and he has long since lost hope for it. 

 

         I'm twenty-one years old, and the only thing I have to look forward to in a day is the end of it. It shouldn't be like this, but I fear that I have lost all other faith in a world around me, and ponies are only the long awaited fantasy of a man in prison, serving a life's sentence for a crime he never commited. 

 

 

In short I need somepony to talk to . I desperatly need some one to talk to. Please, I could use the company. Thanks. 

 

-Voodoo-

 

 

 

[Avery 29]

Wow that's pretty sad :/ I feel for you man, if you need to some pony to talk to vent your feelings, then ask away. Just PM me or something!

I may not now what you are going through, but I have been told I'm a great listener.

Edited February 7, 2013 by Hunter_XD96

[MelancholicMemory 2,025]

Well Voodoo, I would welcome you to the forums, but it seems the mood is too somber for such gaiety. Though I have my own serious problems, I cannot pretend to know exactly how you feel, but you have my sympathies. I too know what it is like to give away your heart away in service of others, while feeling miserable inside. I know better than anyone what it's like to be alone, and to confront depression. If  you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to pm me. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

[Argos 191]

(content has been removed)

Edited March 16, 2014 by Argos

[That DJ Pony 15]

Whoa bro, after reading your story I can't relate at all on how you feel right now. I hope your life becomes better. And when I say this I think there are many others who say the same.

[JeanHover 326]

As a person who deals with anxiety, I feel for you. Just give me a message, I'll always be here. Don't worry, I'm not as immature as my avatar may tell you. I wish you luck, and hope things get better!

Edited February 7, 2013 by Jverne

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

I appreciate all of the comments thus far, and mech? I may be 21, and to an extent, your right, but, I'm too damn young to feel this damn old, ya know? And I may take you all up on your Pm's. Sorry for the late response, as I was dealing with a stair situation in the back yard. If you have any questions you want to ask me, feel free to do so. 

[Vinyl Scratch (Filly)™ 936]

Wow, well I am only 16. But I am mature enough to have a decent conversation with you (Or not, I am also crazy :3) If you feel like it drop me a PM or something. I have to say I know how depression feels, though I am not sure how bad it is for you, heck I am only 16 and I am going through it. Mine however revolves around school life. I am not smart, I get horrible grades in most subjects and I tend to forget about things a lot. All this forgetting stuff and falling behind began to slowly pile up on me just the start of this year. I began harming myself, not cutting but I tended to hit my head off of walls...

 

I refused to go into school for so many days and my parents thought enough was enough, and so they took me out of school. I was out for two months, until I had some subjects dropped and such and am now back in. I still go to psychotherapy every week to get help though. I don't harm myself anymore.

 

School and life in general is beginning (albeit slowly) to look up for me now, I am controlling my anger and stress better, all because of family, friends and the bronies support! 

 

I am getting side tracked... Well if there is anything I, or any other member of these forums can do to help you don't be afraid to ask. We are all very kind here and I hope we can help make you happy (Even if only slightly), trust me this is practically my home xD

 

So alas I must officially welcome you to the forums...

 

Wait for it.

 

*takes out party cannon*

 

WELCOME!

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

Thank you scratch, I appreciate the welcome. And sorry for posting this in the wrong area, I should have been more thorough when looking through the forum areas, forgive me about that. 

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your dilemma. I wish I could help, I truly do. Just remember, the only person who can make you succeed is yourself. 

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

Thank you Harmonic, I really appreciate the advice. Just understand when you've poured so much of yourself on the ground, its just a little hard to see yourself as a reliable crutch to stand again. But nevertheless you are right and I will take your words to heart. 

[CloudFyre 848]

Aww...I feel for you. Things will get better, trust me.

if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to hit me up on Skype sometime. (Search for cloudfyrebrony)

I'm always happy to listen to whatever happens to be on your mind, so don't hesitate to add me.

 

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

I haven't used Skype in a very long time. I shut off all contacts and haven't been on in the longest time. I might make an exception sometime though.

[Scootalove 10,689]

Things will get better man. I have had my on/off issues with my dad, but I think you will recover from your depression.

I think I would say that the people here on the forums are your new family.

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

maybe in time, but I would like to get to know them first. I have to appreciate this though-

That fact that so many came forward, just to chat with me and take time out of their day to do so...

it shows what a truly tight knitted community it truly is. Thank you all for this so far. I truly and utterly needed it. More so than you think. 

[Naught Important 434]

The stituation you are in seems a lot like my Ponysona's, and I can almost share the pain.

 

I've always wanted to help someone out with their troubles, but I never found anyone who I could appreciate enough to do so. I usually take humans as inferior beings, moslty for moral support. The things many humans do bother me, and I plan to finish my life of when I think my goals are complete. I plan to live alone in peace with myself, since the company of any other human could slow me down...

 

I suggest meditation if you want to feel somewhat happy again. It worked for me.

 

Also, If you ever want to chat with me, I go by CobaltFlytrap on many social sites. Most of the one's I'm on often are DeviantArt, Ask.fm, and Facebook.

 

I really want Earth to be a better place...

[Agent505 661]

It's been said, but it's also true, so i'm going to say it in my own words. 

 

We can all be here for anyone, yourself included at any time, whenever, wherever - and we'll do our best to support each other through dark times and shitty days, but the fact remains that the only person who can truly change how you look at things is yourself. 

I like to think of it as a safety net, we all fall in times, and as a community we are here to catch each other and help us back on our feet, but that's all. Being a net, all we can do is catch you, and it's up to you when you feel confident enough to climb back onto your own two feet again. 

 

I found myself in dark times recently, and through some support from our community, I found the strength in myself to get myself a boost, and start moving to the light once more. 

 

That being said, if you feel like you need to talk to anyone anytime, i'm online most of the time myself, so feel free to drop me a message if you want to, and i'll surely reply to you as soon as I can It's not like I actually DO anything myself, either - seriously. 

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

Welcome to the herd, Voodoo. We're family here.

 

While I can't really relate to growing up with abuse, I can definitely relate to your feelings of both simultaneous anxiety and depression, as well as feeling like the world is passing you by. I feel for you, and I'm here to talk if you need me.

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

feel free to send a pm atomic, I'm right here for now, and don't mind chatting for a bit. Its been one of those things where I am looking for something to talk about, instead of sitting here thinking about everything. 

[Winterbass 763]

You're 21 years old, you have a complete life in front of you! Yes, you might have not yet find someone who you can call your partner, yes you have been struggling with finding a job. But that doesn't mean that this is the end of the line!

 

You keep on pushing! Only YOU can change your own world, only YOU can decide your path. Sulking won't help, it will only let you get to that end you are talking about faster. See, life itself doesn't have any meaning at all. But as long as you are alive, as long as you have something you enjoy, you can give meaning to your life. You just need something to hold on to to get further, to receive that last little determination to push forward and end up as the victor. What is it you truly enjoy? What is it you truly would want to do?

 

I see you have a friend who himself is falling at a staggering rate. But isn't there something you both can work out? Work together for a better future? A brighter tomorrow? Two people are stronger than one and if you two could combine your strength you can definitely create a path to a better future.

 

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me, heck, hit me up on Skype if you feel like it. 

[Stalliongrad 982]

I know what it is like to be abused mentally. My father made fun of me because i liked to bake and chocolate was my favorite thing as a kid. He would call me and my mother fat. But he himself had several faults of his own. He was a smoker and a drinker. And that created another set of problems because he has asthma. I'm slightly younger than you but i can tell you it gets better. I came here looking for support too and I don't regret it. You got friends here.

[Twisted Voodoo 21]

I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support, and I would respond far more often if it wasn't for the fact I am in a room full of watchful eyes that I simply do not wish to see this. If I respond late, this is the reasdon. Again, thank you all for the support. I needed it. 

[Betez 1,734]

Well, I just now read your post. I'm really sorry about everything that's happened. It sounds like your childhood sucked, and now your adult life is suffering because of that. It seems like you never really had a true father figure. Anyway, I'm only 14, so I don't really know how you feel, let alone will be able to offer any help. But it might help if you talk to a counselor or a therapist. After all, they've been trained and are paid to help people theough things like this. If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a pm.

[Fluffy Pinkie 417]

Well i know i'm a little late with this topic but i'll share with you some of my personal history and then we can take it from there.

 

It's really horrible that you had to suffer with an abuse father. I used to truly be upset since my father never seemed like he really cared about me until i decided i wouldn't be like him I've decided that i will love my kids with all my heart and will always remember part of me is inside them. I can relate to your story in the sense that i'm only 18 but my birthdays in about a month and i'm starting to go crazy thinking about all the time I've wasted not doing anything with my life.

 

The best thing for you to do is find things you like, find something that truly interest you and think if you would want to do it as a career and if so go for it. Just because your family feels like their falling apart doesn't mean you will too, You are in control of your own destiny and can decide where your story goes. The Brony fandom is one of the most respectable fandoms out there and is full of people eager to give you their full support.

 

With all that said please don't worry about distrubing me and if you are really having trouble send a PM my way. Like you i'm trying to make the earth a better place and be a listner for the people who truly need it.