Disorder In The Court

[Pripyat Pony 2,608]

These are actual things said in court. XD

 

Lawyer: What is your brother-in-law's name?
Witness: Borofkin.
Lawyer: What is your brother-in-law's name?
Witness: Borofkin.
Lawyer: What's his first name?
Witness: I can't remember.
Lawyer: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
Witness: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!

Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
Witness: No.

Lawyer: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Lawyer: Are you married?
Witness: No, I'm divorced.
Lawyer: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.

Lawyer: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
Witness: I will be three months November 8th.
Lawyer: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Lawyer: Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
Witness: I should be.
Lawyer: How many times have you comitted suicide?
Witness: Four times.

Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Lawyer: Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: Before or after he died?

Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness: No.

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

Lawyer: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Witness: The victim lived.

Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Witness: I only have one, you know.

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I know what website this is from.

 

 

But the name escapes me.