writing Speech i Wrote

[MyLittleCell 106]

This is just a speech i  wrote for a bigger story, i wanted to know what you guys think of it.

 

This is a steampunk theme, so it makes more sense in context.

 

"The skies darken, with the grey of smoke and the brown of wood. The great and high flourish in their castle of bronze, their castle in the sky. Ships fly, and Armour crawls along the ground. The factories release their smoke, their poison, among the air we breathe. 

And this is what you fight for.

You fight for the wealthy, the ones who can pay for their freedom. You fight for the monarch, who spits on the people. You fight for your 'people'.

What about illisei? The 'people' there were not yours? You fought against them.

What made the people in gergian not yours? They spoke your language, followed your laws.

But it was when i attacked 'Your' People, 'Your' City, that it became personal?

No, it was when you attacked illisei that it became personal. 

You call me cruel, evil.

But when you lie on your back, watching as 'Your' people die, as 'your city' crashes to the ground and the engines that fueled this hatred burn into oblivion, when you breathe your last breath, and your last tear rolls down your face,

You will call me Mercy"

[AnonyPoni 564]

I am reminded of my Honors History Class and Bioshock Infinite. Good times, good times... (the game)

 

I am actually really impressed with the pauses you had in the speech. Most people neglect that XD but you did it quite well.

 

I can't help much in terms of contexts, but overall it seemed pretty good

[BronyWithRage 26]

As a very, very minor issue; shouldn't the names of the places be capitalised? But that is all the criticism I have. It's very good.

[MyLittleCell 106]

I am reminded of my Honors History Class and Bioshock Infinite. Good times, good times... (the game)

 

I am actually really impressed with the pauses you had in the speech. Most people neglect that XD but you did it quite well.

 

I can't help much in terms of contexts, but overall it seemed pretty good

Thanks. I have a lot of love for the Bioshock series, and draw a lot of inspiration for one of the cities from Columbia.

I usually speak what im writing and put in my pauses and inflections as i say it.

 

 

As a very, very minor issue; shouldn't the names of the places be capitalised? But that is all the criticism I have. It's very good.

Damn, knew i missed something.

But thanks!