A little constructive critisizem needed.

[gardian20 1]

Hey-

Recently I have posted a fanfic on MLP:FIM fan fiction.org, well, the people there are kind enough to give me dislikes but not enough to tell me whats wrong with it.  The story's not done, I'm constantly adding chapters to it, but I would like some help figuring out whats wrong with it.  Here's the link,   http://www.fimfiction.net/story/116629/earning-your-wingsif you have an account over there you can leave the comment over there, or just shoot it to me here or in a PM.

Thanks!

[Little Lizards 91]

The things that stood out the most are:

 

1. The plot doesn't seem realistic, also, what about the elements of harmony? 

2. You don't describe the setting very well. I know that we're in a cave or whatever but I don't have a visual image in my mind of what the setting looks like.

3. Spelling, grammar, etc. isn't very good. City/town names need to be capitalized and you seem to use 'Your' instead of 'You're'

4. Some things just aren't realistic. Rainbow Dash really can't carry more than one pony on her back, and even one full-grown pony might be too much for her. 

[websterhamster 203]

 

 

Rainbow Dash really can't carry more than one pony on her back, and even one full-grown pony might be too much for her. 

 

 

Actually, when she saves Rarity during the Young Fliers Competition she also saves three other ponies, the Wonderbolts, so she apparently can carry at least four full-grown ponies at a time. That's in Season 1, Episode 16.

[gardian20 1]

Thanks, wait, which chapters have you read?  The elements are mentioned in chapter 4, an empty town, and play promenint role in the upcoming one.  Yeah, plot not realistic?  It'll make more sense when it's finished.  And as per the cave, I'll do a better description, .  THanks!