Count to a million

[lomk 20,663]

318,956

 

A Buddhist approaches a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything." 

Man, nobody gets my jokes

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

318957

 

I got that one!

[Deae Rising Shine~ 55,833]

318.958

 

[lomk 20,663]

318,959

 

Did you hear about the man who was cooled to Absolute Zero? He's 0K now. 

[Deano 1,704]

318959

 

Hey, I got the Buddhist and the Binary jokes. They were pretty darn funny too!

[lomk 20,663]

318,961

 

 

What do you call two crows on a branch?
 

Attempted murder. 

Edited July 11, 2015 by Space Woonsocket

[Deano 1,704]

318962

 

*chuckles* Oh, that's the best one yet! Poor crows

[lomk 20,663]

318,963

 

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It's a hardware problem. 

[Deano 1,704]

318964

 

Woona, where are these jokes coming from?

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318963

 

I got the binary, the absolute zero and the crow ones. Not the Buddhist one doe.

 

3 is to 5.

[Deae Rising Shine~ 55,833]

318.966

[lomk 20,663]

318,967

 

My high school science teacher.

 

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store. She says, "Get a loaf of bread please. Also, if they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread. 

Edited July 11, 2015 by Space Woonsocket

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

318968

 

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318967

 

We have a band, it's called "One Thousand and Twenty-Three Megabytes". Too bad we don't have any gigs yet.

Edited July 11, 2015 by Fillypino Pride

[lomk 20,663]

318,968

 

10,023 Megabytes = 9.788 gigs, Filly

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318971

 

I've noticed.

 

Shrodinger's cat walks into a bar. He doesn't.

[Deae Rising Shine~ 55,833]

318.972

 

*Doesnt get any joke*

[lomk 20,663]

318,973

 

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are walking down the street together when the spot a juggler. They want to see him performing, but because the crowd is so great, they cannot. The juggler stands on a platform and asks, "Hey, can you guys see me now?" The four men respond: "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja." 

[Deano 1,704]

318968

 

I'm pretty sure the bartender things I'm insane now, laughing as I'm typing on my phone. These jokes are far better than most I hear these days

 

Science teacher? The best joke mine has ever made is:

 

Why do you rarely get fungal infections inside the body? Because there is not mushroom.

 

It took me ages to get it, and it's still cringeworthy now

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318975

In a world without fences and walls, who needs gates and windows?

[lomk 20,663]

318,976

 

I think the best my science teacher ever told was hilarious and maybe borderline racist but here goes nothing

 

If you drop your phone in water, stick it in a bag of rice. The rice will attract Asians who can fix the electronics. 

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318977
 

If you drop your phone in water, stick it in a bag of rice. The rice will attract Asians who can fix the electronics.

But what if you're an Asian right off the bat?

Put it in a bag of chopped potatoes and then Americans who can also fix electronics will come?

 

Edited July 11, 2015 by Fillypino Pride

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

318978

Edited July 11, 2015 by BaysemeantPoneigh

[lomk 20,663]

318,979

 

Silly Filly Americans can't fix electronics

[Kawaii Besu 28,011]

318980
 
Or maybe it will attract double the Asians, thus halving the time it takes compared to non-Asians to have their devices repaired. :comeatus:

Edited July 11, 2015 by Fillypino Pride