Count to a million

[Overdrive 5,366]

177794

 

I need to stop coming to this thread.

[1111 1,284]

177795 if i was into sports i would talk about them with you

[Retro*Derpy 3,196]

17779#

 

ok

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177797

 

Why Smash?

[Princess Pinny 6,099]

177,796

 

I think are being a bit hard on yourself Smash

[Retro*Derpy 3,196]

17779#

[SparklingSquirrels 21,355]

177800

 

Okay Wolfie

[Retro*Derpy 3,196]

17780#

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177802

[1111 1,284]

177803

[Overdrive 5,366]

177804

 

I'm not being hard on myself. I come to this thread each and every day, and all it ever does anymore is make me realize how depressed and unhappy I really am.

[Princess Pinny 6,099]

177,8##

 

Battle of the Teachers! (I used no real teachers, just made-up ones)

[Overdrive 5,366]

177806

 

I see the camaraderie, I see the love, I see everything positive and happy it is, and it just stings. It rips my heart out, throws it on the ground, and desecrates it like it's worthless.

 

All it ever brings up is bad memories. All the times I've failed in life. All of the pain I've ever experienced. All the horrible tragedy I've had to go through, and each and every day, it only continues in my life.

 

It just translates into how I act and conduct myself. That, along with all the other issues and problems I have, and I'm just a fatally flawed freak.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Smash N Dash

[1111 1,284]

177807 hmm 

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177807

 

Why Smash? That camaraderie is for you too you know.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177809

 

It doesn't feel like it anymore. It's only pain, regret, and utter sorrow.

 

It only shows me how less of a human being I really am. It shows me that I lack the abilities to care, to love, and to be myself. It makes me feel like I don't need or deserve love, that I will do without care and compassion, and I live a huge lie.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Smash N Dash

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177810

 

So, what can we do to change that then?

[Retro*Derpy 3,196]

17781#

[Overdrive 5,366]

177812

 

There's nothing anyone can do for me.

[Princess Pinny 6,099]

177,8##

 

Now Don't Stop Believing is stuck in my head.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177814

 

All I have ever honestly wanted, was to be somewhat normal. Every time I try, I fail miserably. I've gotten to the point where I just give up, hide my pain, and just try to make it through the day.

[Retro*Derpy 3,196]

17781#

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177816

 

There's no such thing as normal. It's fake. It's a lie. You just have the people who are really good at hiding it, and others who aren't.

 

 You tend to not explain things too well here Smash. Not sure if that's on purpose, if you don't know how to explain it, or whatever. But I'm pretty familiar with the feeling of not belonging anywhere. Had that for most of my life, still have it a lot of the time. I'm not sure if it's quite the same as what you're going through, since I have no idea what's up with you. But still. I'm here if you ever want to talk, and so are most of the people on this thread.

[Overdrive 5,366]

177817

 

It's not about belonging. It's not about that. It's about healing. I'm a shattered being, and I've tried just about everything to heal. The onte thing I really need, I can't accept.

[BastementSparkle 20,328]

177818

 

Would you be more comfortable talking about this in a PM?