Is it okay not to want a relationship?

[EP1C N3RD 45]

All my life I've never liked romance and have never fallen in love and I doubt I will which is fine with me because I like being independent and I am an introvert. I have been alone most of my life and really don't desire relationships with people but if I like someones personality I become friends with them. So what is your guys ( or gals ) take on this. :comeatus:

[CornBreadGang 514]

It's absolutely fine. Anyone that says otherwise is just... Wrong. Some consider it a gift to not want a relationship, as I do. It definitely gives you more time to focus on life (and the forums ).

[Bohtty 1,775]

My take is that you will change your mind. Your whole life is a whopping seventeen years. Many of those earlier years you probably can't even recall well. My take is that you are only just starting to enter the age where you should start THINKING about dating. To me you sound like a 3 month baby that thinks "I've never walked before and it doesn't look fun so I doubt I'll ever walk".

[Scootalove 10,689]

It is absolutely okay to not want to be in a relationship, because it is your choice. I mean I wouldn't say that I don't want a relationship but, you decide on if you want a relationship or not. Relationships usually lead to trouble sometimes or bad decisions.

[~Silver Essence~ 2,625]

Yes, yes it is.

 

Look at me for example, I'm basically asexual for the most part, along with aromantic.

 

I never took interest because I always focus on my future, and make sure that I accomplish what needs to be done, getting a girlfriend for myself will either hinder the process, or create a new future that I will not like.

 

Besides, all the girls I've met are stupid, slutty, and overall just not great in personality, maybe I'll be interested once again sometime, but for right now, I'm cool by myself.

[EP1C N3RD 45]

My take is that you will change your mind. Your whole life is a whopping seventeen years. Many of those earlier years you probably can't even recall well. My take is that you are only just starting to enter the age where you should start THINKING about dating. To me you sound like a 3 month baby that thinks "I've never walked before and it doesn't look fun so I doubt I'll ever walk".

I've had girlfriends in the past and just didn't fall in love I liked their personalties but just couldn't feel any romantic attraction

[Bohtty 1,775]

I've had girlfriends in the past and just didn't fall in love I liked their personalties but just couldn't feel any romantic attraction

My post is 100% valid. There are billions of people in the world and you're telling me that because it didn't work with a few that no one will ever work? You'll grow tired of being alone. If I had told 17 me this I wouldn't have believed me either, don't worry about it.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Chesher

[Smarts 1,623]

I say it's fine. You are free to choose the style of life you live. If being alone makes you happy, then you are free to do so. To be frank with you, I feel the same way as you do.

[Dusknight Haze 161]

All my life I've never liked romance and have never fallen in love and I doubt I will which is fine with me because I like being independent and I am an introvert. I have been alone most of my life and really don't desire relationships with people but if I like someones personality I become friends with them. So what is your guys ( or gals ) take on this. :comeatus:

 

 

My take is that you will change your mind. Your whole life is a whopping seventeen years. Many of those earlier years you probably can't even recall well. My take is that you are only just starting to enter the age where you should start THINKING about dating. To me you sound like a 3 month baby that thinks "I've never walked before and it doesn't look fun so I doubt I'll ever walk".

 

1. It is generally okay, although if you have no romantic or sexual feelings at all or not often, that may be a sign of apathy and ennui, which can disrupt your other activities in life, so you may want to undergo some introspection to make sure you're okay with your current state, and it's not the result of a latent form of depression or other types of darker feelings.

 

2. While I agree with the allegation that because you are young and thus may not be enticed into the concept, this was a little bit rude in wording, even if the poster didn't mean to be.

 

If anything, it's a bit of advantage for a 17 year old to not want to get into a relationship, and then discover that they like romance later on; romance at that age is just plain silly, trivial, and usually petty, speaking from experience. I wish I had waited only until I was in college when my peers became significantly more mature and serious about such matters, rather than treating it as some drama game.

 

Not to say that I didn't have positive experiences, but it probably wasn't worth the time investment.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Dusknight Haze

[NavelColt 22,882]

Twenty, hormones are abuzz, and I have zero interest in commitment, still :3 There's nothing wrong with it. You get into it when you get into it, which is sometimes mid adult-hood for some people. And yes, some don't get into it at all. Frankly getting into it late and finding someone you truly want to be with, or deciding for yourself that you're not interested at all is far more respectable than freaking fourteen to sixteen year olds who run around and jump into trying to date constantly, only to predictably have nothing work out. Give your body time to mature and figure out what you want.

[Moonlight 7,288]

Sounds perfectly fine to me.

 

I don't have much interest in pursuing relationships either, and that's okay.

 

If you do find someone to love...yay...if not, and you're content with yourself....who cares?

 

Live your life the way you want to live it.

[Bohtty 1,775]

2. While I agree with the allegation that because you are young and thus may not be enticed into the concept, this was a little bit rude in wording, even if the poster didn't mean to be.

 

If anything, it's a bit of advantage for a 17 year old to not want to get into a relationship, and then discover that they like romance later on; romance at that age is just plain silly, trivial, and usually petty, speaking from experience. I wish I had waited only until I was in college when my peers became significantly more mature and serious about such matters, rather than treating it as some drama game.

 

Not to say that I didn't have positive experiences, but it probably wasn't worth the time investment.

Sorry for the rude sounding post. I did not mean to be. It's an old habit. I was simply putting forth my opinion, which is similar to yours, that young adults shouldn't bother with relationships. I said that he should start thinking about relationships since he is 17 and is not too far from college and not much farther from being on his own.

[Dusknight Haze 161]

Sorry for the rude sounding post. I did not mean to be. It's an old habit. I was simply putting forth my opinion, which is similar to yours, that young adults shouldn't bother with relationships. I said that he should start thinking about relationships since he is 17 and is not too far from college and not much farther from being on his own.

 

Yeah, I had a feeling you didn't intend it to be. I do that sometimes too. 

 

But yes, in general, it's just kind of... worthless? Very few people I know have ever had valuable or meaningful experiences from relationships at that age that didn't involve either finding out that people suck in general or that they themselves had severe personality flaws, both of which are things that could definitely be discovered in more productive ways. 

 

So yeah, it's okay to not want to be in a relationship, but don't be surprised if a little further down the line you kinda get used to the idea more and more and eventually end up shacked up with someone. It happens.

[Bohtty 1,775]

Yeah, I had a feeling you didn't intend it to be. I do that sometimes too. 

 

But yes, in general, it's just kind of... worthless? Very few people I know have ever had valuable or meaningful experiences from relationships at that age that didn't involve either finding out that people suck in general or that they themselves had severe personality flaws, both of which are things that could definitely be discovered in more productive ways. 

From my observations, the main problem is that nobody knows who they really are at those ages. How can you commit to someone when you don't even know yourself?

[Dusknight Haze 161]

From my observations, the main problem is that nobody knows who they really are at those ages. How can you commit to someone when you don't even know yourself?

 

True, true. Also at that age, even people who have well-defined personalities have few differences from each other. There's a rough theory of increasing personality differentiation at increasing ages, sort of like an upside down pyramid* (was thinking of sine functions before the edit lol). Adolescents just don't have a great amount of set personalities and differences enough from each other until the very end of their adolescent tenure to really gain an understanding of people's natures. 

Edited September 6, 2013 by Dusknight Haze

[DND 2,355]

I know what you mean. I just haven't met anyone yet I simply feel any attraction too. I can't relate to a single one of them, and they always have that 'I don't really care about what you feel' vibe. Everyone else thinks I'm some lesbian or something, or they think I'm not 'mature' enough to like one yet because I haven't had a 'full relationship' yet.

 

All of my friends have dated, and half the time I just can't see how their even attracted one bit with them because they're all cheating wannabe depressants. Plus, all of em' were complete asses to me. I swear, half of them don't even know what what love is...

 

People shouldn't peer pressure or look down on those without relationships. Especially those revolving around romance.

Edited September 6, 2013 by IncognitoKiwoy

[Chain Combo 135]

Romance wise sure why not? No one can force you to want to go on a date with someone or not. Not having relationship with people in general is probably a bad thing, as it's always good to have friends that you can rely on, but I do agree that you should mainly be independent.

[Thrashy 2,800]

To be honest, you're probably better off. To actually want a relationship is to welcome disappointment after disappointment, not to mention loneliness if you're not so lucky as to obtain a relationship in the first place. If you've got the ability to substitute loneliness for the enjoyment of solitude, then more power to you, dude.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Thrashy

[Dusknight Haze 161]

Romance wise sure why not? No one can force you to want to go on a date with someone or not. Not having relationship with people in general is probably a bad thing, as it's always good to have friends that you can rely on, but I do agree that you should mainly be independent.

 

At the risk of sounding super lame, relationships just aren't as strong as the Magic of Friendship.

 

But for real though, it's true. Friends stay way longer than partners. Focus on friendship first.

[EP1C N3RD 45]

I mean I don't even like the idea of holding hands It makes me feel icky on the inside. I don't know that is just me and my personality

[Dusknight Haze 161]

I mean I don't even like the idea of holding hands It makes me feel icky on the inside. I don't know that is just me and my personality

 

Well as far as that goes, is that a relationship issue, or are you not fond of physical contact? I have had a few girlfriends here and there, and I loathed physical contact even with them except when we were really alone and I was in a good mood. You should think about where such a feeling comes from.

[H.P. Lance 138]

My outlook on romance and relationships are very similar to yours, but I will say this.

 

Your emotions are your own. Listen to them, but don't cement your current state of mind as an uncompromising rule; chances are that if you meet someone with whom you really connect, you'll want to spend more time with them, regardless of your romantic interest in them. Whether or not you truly develop deeper feelings should be governed by the involuntary tells of your body and subconscious throes of your mind, rather than a stubborn mindset that can end up proving very self-destructive.

 

And remember, you're never truly alone with this wonderful community around you.

[DND 2,355]

Well as far as that goes, is that a relationship issue, or are you not fond of physical contact? I have had a few girlfriends here and there, and I loathed physical contact even with them except when we were really alone and I was in a good mood. You should think about where such a feeling comes from.

 

Honestly, I find the idea of kissing terrifying. I'm deathly afraid of sharing food let alone saliva. The stuff makes me naseus just thinking about it. Even though quite common, this isn't a key factor of showing love.

[EP1C N3RD 45]

Well as far as that goes, is that a relationship issue, or are you not fond of physical contact? I have had a few girlfriends here and there, and I loathed physical contact even with them except when we were really alone and I was in a good mood. You should think about where such a feeling comes from.

If its like romantically holding hands It feels really cheesy, but If it's just to show friendship I'll do it( It depends on my mood).

[Dusknight Haze 161]

Honestly, I find the idea of kissing terrifying. I'm deathly afraid of sharing food let alone saliva. The stuff makes me naseus just thinking about it. Even though quite common, this isn't a key factor of showing love.

 

Yeah personally I agree. Especially if you're keen on the biology of bacteria and such. It just sounds gross.

 

Like, "I love you girl, but I am not fixing to exchange millions of bacteria via our lips and tongue."

 

EDIT:

 

If its like romantically holding hands It feels really cheesy, but If it's just to show friendship I'll do it( It depends on my mood).

 

Well, that's part of something we could call "legitimacy." Stuff like that is just stereotypical, forced, and a general societal expectation that should have no bearing on what you choose to do with your personal space. So don't worry about something like that so much.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Dusknight Haze