The Last Stand

[Lonely 93]

( This is a Antro fanfic which means there will be guns and violence and One human and One pony together through this fanfic ~ Shadowbrony)

 

 

Sergeant Firebolt and Ghost trotted down the ruin streets of Ponyville.  '' Be careful Ghost. There might be infected ponies here,'' said Firebolt.  He heard a building crumble behind him. Suddenly a infected pony jumped on Ghost.

'' Get this thing off me please.'' Firebolt fired a bullet  into the pony in the head. Suddenly, more zombies jumped out of hiding and surrounded the survivors.

'' Come on Ghost. Lets fight our way out of here,'' Firebolt said as he was firing off rounds from his shotgun. They just kept coming , but they wouldn't give up. After countless fighting they finally escaped the zombie horde and found cover in the Golden brooks library. They got inside and barracked the door. 

'' Who's there. Come out and face your death like a infested freak like you,'' said a lavender alicorn trotting down the stairs.  Firebolt pointed his weapon at the alicorn and saw who it was.

'' Oh its you. Firebolt and Ghost. Welcome and did you find any supplies,'' she asked.

'' No we didn't Twilight. The zombies surrounded us and made us take cover here,'' Ghost said.

'' Okay.''

[Commander Frost 731]

cant wait for more its awesome so far!

[Shadow Scoundrel 5]

i'm sorry, but don't find it plausible, first off, language. Nopony or body, will be taking the time to say "Please", more like "Get this Fucker off me!" I can understand if you want to lower the Rating from (ESRB Rating) M to T, it Docent get that Punch effect, him needing the help, he sounds more like, "I got this but that docent men you can end it quicker." Can you see the problem? Sorry if i'm being "To much of a critic" but to put your best out there you Haft to be your own critic, and to do that, you haft to be hard on yourself. One Question, It seems like (If you plan on having art to go along with this) your taking the Left 4 Dead Route, where the characters are not speaking story of whats going on, not really any back story. and just talking about the objective,  "Get to the E-vac center" So my question is, Why is the human there, How did he get there, and whats the objective, throwing a love/hate relationship between the characters (not saying to do that, just as an example) to give them life, flesh out the character, Not saying the idea is bad, in fact im working on a episodes, Pilot episode is what i'm working on. None the less, Hope that your Fan fic becomes a success. One last question, Who is Ghost? Modern Warfare Ghost, (Gaz) or is it just a nickname