the amazing BATMARE pilot

[Teen Buscemi 135]

 The cold rain poured down upon the...horrific scene unfolding in the goatham city theater. (or at least one of its alleys) The young filly Sun Flash drenched in tears and rain...her parents now taken by the evil scum of the street,the evil villian known as Colt-caper,now the you pegasus must arise to tackle all evil as

THE BATMARE

 

hope you enjoyed comment and tell me what you think (please) i will (if you want) make this a ongoing series so please tell me what you think (and dont overly hate) 

please dont mock me...please

[Dattebayo 2,850]

It's very short.

A pilot usually fleshes the plot and universe out, this is more like a synopsis.

 

Also...it's abrupt and very weakly written. Is this your first fic?

What it has in details, it lacks in...I dunno..."Oomph". The ability to draw people in. Staying power. Y'know.

[Teen Buscemi 135]

yes this is my first fic (that i've posted) and this was an idea i had but didn't really perfect it...i'll remake it maybe with an epic duel with Colt caper...thank you for feedback i'll hop on the Fix-this-fic train

why is everyone reading this version the other one is much better

[Zhortac 1,474]

Hasbro and DC are having a battle to the death on who's gonna C&D this.

[Teen Buscemi 135]

Hasbro and DC are having a battle to the death on who's gonna C&D this.

EXACTLEY! also why is everyone reading this version i wrote a different on that was better