ooc That Shrinking Feeling (Adventure)

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

You don't directly interact with anypony until after the shrinking event as it stands. I don't personally see the problem with your initial posts at current.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

Well, I wish I had. That's the point. Can we (if it's not too much trouble) do what we can to make it look as if she did?

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

I think it would be a bit of trouble.

What would be easier and make more sense is if you thought about your character from the standpoint of being dynamic. A Dynamic Character is one which changes through the course of the story. One of the most famous examples of this is Ebeneezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, who at the beginning is a greedy miser but at the end has changed to become an honest generous gentleman.

 

At present Anala's actions and internal monologue (thoughts as well as how she expresses herself) as described by you are very concise and minimalistic on detail.

 

 

Anala smiled at Cruncher's compliment.

 

"And Crunchy? Never heard that nickname before."

 

"Well, you'd better get used to it," chuckled Anala. "Shortening names is a habit of mine. Ever since Riley and I were a colt and a filly, I've called him 'Rye'."

 

She shuffled her hooves about. "So, Kay, whaddaya say I tell you all about Nightmare Night?"

 

While your references to other characters does give a bit of depth to Anala's presence in the MLP universe, Anala still doesn't have all that much dimension to her. Admittedly my character is a bit faulted for this as well. Character dimension is showing how the character reacts to things with different emotions, and why. For example, does Anala normally like dogs? Why or why not? Do they make her happy or angry? Remind her of a grim memory? Inspire a fear? Interesting characters have interesting reactions (as long as they are not random: such as being afraid of dogs for no apparent reason but completely loving cats because of their fur) and it can take a lot of imaginative work to build dimensionality into a character.

Dimension is just an additional way for detail to be provided in describing characters, so that their actions and behaviors become more pronounced and interesting to read and more involving.

 

Anala smiled at Cruncher's compliment.

 

"And Crunchy? Never heard that nickname before."

 

"Well, you'd better get used to it," chuckled Anala. "Shortening names is a habit of mine. Ever since Riley and I were a colt and a filly, I've called him 'Rye'." Secretly though, Anala very much enjoyed taking ponies names and twisting them for her amusement, not to spite, but to make things around her more funny.

 

She shuffled her hooves about, hoping to avoid an oncoming awkward silence. She wondered if Kay wanted to hear some more about Equestrian history.  "So, Kay, whaddaya say I tell you all about Nightmare Night?"

 

I've added some possible expansions in dark blue. Don't be afraid of talking about what your character may be thinking as well.

 

What I mean with this dynamic character stuff is that you don't need to feel awkward about the beginning of the game if you thought it was weak. You can continue hereforward, making your character look more developed, so that you can finish strong!

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

I know you're just trying to help me improve, but when I read "Anala still doesn't have all that much dimension to her", I was a little hurt.

 

Again, not your fault, just me being pathetic. Thanks for that advice.

 

(Remember Anala is WIP)

Edited July 2, 2014 by Blue Eclipse

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

I apologize for my candor. It's something I need to improve.

But having the skin tough enough to take for critique is a life skill.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

Criticism is fine - just be careful how you word it.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

@@Kay Dreamer,

@@Scribblegroove,

@@DukeofCanterlot,

 

Remember how I listed possible genderbends of our OCs?

 

And the tower we made to cross the train tracks? Well, in the genderbent universe, that tower would probably be arranged differently. So, what order would our R63'd OCs go in?

 

(I know for a fact that Aidan would be at the very bottom)

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

...Why do you ask?

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

No good reason, I just really like R63 and seeing how the dynamics would play out differently.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@,

 

I'm a bit late to the game here but I've been meaning to expand a little on some of what Blue mentioned about Anala.

 

Character writing is the type of writing I'm strongest at. I can't come up with a decent plot line to save myself, but I like to think I write characters with a good amount of nuance. There are tricks to it though. What Blue did in his post was just elaborate a little on what Anala's thinking/feeling by using the narrators voice to give some background information based on her dialogue. This is a good trick when used sparingly, I know I use it. Don't overuse it though, or you risk falling into the trap of simply 'telling' the audience about your character, rather than 'showing' them through her actions and dialogue. (Show, don't tell, is a golden rule of writing.)

 

The other thing I often find myself doing is adjusting the narrators voice to lean a little more toward my character's personality. Rather than overusing internal dialogue, I can squeeze a little personality out of my characters through the narration alone. If you were to remove the dialogue, I expect you'd find minute differences in the way I narrate for Kay vs the way I narrate for Dusty Haze. Again, this is something you want to be extremely subtle about; I didn't even realise I did this until recently. The narrator is ideally supposed to be an impartial voice, but little subtle nuances like that can bring a lot of life into a piece of writing.

 

Good character writing involves a lot of people watching, analysing characters from other popular media, and a generous sprinkling of psychology, though. It comes with time, and I find I get better at it as I gain life experience.

 

I should say though, I've seen you improve in leaps and bounds between when you first came into this thread and where you're at now. I happen to recall daring you to write 500 characters per post; you didn't believe you could do that. Says the guy now posting regularly in an Advanced Section roleplay with an 800 character minimum. ;P

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

I might not be able to post much over the coming week due to going camping. :V

Is there anything I ought to do in order to set the situ in such a way that you all can carry on autonomously for the most part?

 

Like make one of you sub-GM until we get to the next location?

Edited July 5, 2014 by Blue

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@,

 

Says the guy now posting regularly in an Advanced Section roleplay with an 800 character minimum. ;P

Okay, sweetheart, you were right. Can't wait for your next post... 

I might not be able to post much over the coming week due to going camping. :V

Is there anything I ought to do in order to set the situ in such a way that you all can carry on autonomously for the most part?

 

Like make one of you sub-GM until we get to the next location?

Don't hand the job to me or the RP will go down in flames...

[Scribblegroove 565]

I might not be able to post much over the coming week due to going camping. :V

Is there anything I ought to do in order to set the situ in such a way that you all can carry on autonomously for the most part?

 

Like make one of you sub-GM until we get to the next location?

You won't need a sub GM if we're not going to get to the next location until you're back. But if we want to progress we will need one. I am willing to sub-GM if you want, but I think it would be more interesting to give Kay a chance at GMing :3

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

Speaking of the tower, had Anala not suggested building a tower, what other ideas did you have in mind? Or were you waiting for the tower suggestion?

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Scribblegroove, @@Blue,

 

I'd be willing to try if you like. Just let me know what immediate plot elements we're supposed to be heading for. I know I can lean on Scribble for help if I'm unsure how to introduce anything in particular.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

I noticed you're back, @Blue!

 

As you can see, I've brushed up on my post quality. It's not much, but it's a step in the right direction.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Rainbow Eclipse,

I wanted to mention that last post you made at some point, but I had to scoot off to work. It jumped out at me as being a definite improvement. The more you push yourself the better you become, and it's starting to show.

 

I also wanted to congratulate everypony for bringing out the bossy and authoritative side in Kay Dreamer, because that's totally not easy to do.   It's a side which is there, but since she's based on a younger version of myself it's buried much further down. (Heck, I'm going to be a teacher and I still hate being seen as unfairly bossy.)

Edited July 12, 2014 by Kay Dreamer

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Kay Dreamer,

 

*blushes*

 

(Sory if that wasn't constructive...)

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

Unless otherwise stated, I'm going to assume we're all ready to move forward.

[Kay Dreamer 884]

@@Rainbow Eclipse,

 

Naw, it's fine. I love writing, and I love teaching others. It's a shame English isn't a subject I'm learning to teach, because I'd certainly enjoy it. (Though teaching music is something I've wanted to do for many years.)

 

@@Blue,

 

And yes, I'm ready to move forward. Kay's lectured everypony else, hopefully it helps spur them out of arguing about what they're doing and actually doing, haha.

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

@Everybody

Chandler's Law

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

So... a gunpony who also got shrunk is gonna show up?

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

The bee is the gun and the gunman.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

@@Blue,

 

Okay, but Anala's just gonna shoot it right in the middle unless you insert a plot device to deprive her of her weapons.

[I used to be a stranger 7,993]

Oh yeah I forgot about that.

Go ahead, just don't kill me.

Assume that if you call my name, I'll look up.

Edited July 12, 2014 by Blue