Moony the Cat

Update on my health status : I now have intestine pain for like over 2 Months now and it got worse again. It seems like it doesnt madder what i eat, it often hurts pretty bad before i have to go to the toilet,which means i cant go to the toilet, when the pain starts, i have to wait for it to go away, which makes me think, i have wounds or something inside me. Also my sides hurt and it constantly hurts, when i touch my belly. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Im scared that it gets worse, i cant go to the hospital because it isnt bad enough but apparently im good enough to go to work, which wouldnt be half as bad, if i wouldnt have to drive for almost an hour, without having the chance to go to a toilet, when the bad pain starts. I feel so scared, that i tried to kill myself with a razor blade and mutliple knifes, or suffocate myself with a plastic bag. But i cant do it, now i just have to wait for next year january before i have my next doctor meeting and just have to hope, that the pain doesnt start to get even worse. And the meeting is just like a talk session, so i will probably have to wait even longer before any sort of research starts. Im scared that i broke something inside of me. And its all my fault, because i did eat something, which wasnt good for me ( my body doesnt like lactose products ), but how should i have known that something THIS bad happends ? Something like that never happened before. Not sure why i write this, but i feel horrible, lonely and scared.