Widdershins

News Flash from my homeland of Messupatamia!

 Jumpcuts to Widdershins standing in a field, tentacle to ear in a reportery way:

 Well, today we celebrate the first International Games being held here in Messupatamia! ..... and also the last as news reports have just now indicated to me as the stadium has burst into huge flames that’ve lasted the past several days. We go now to the man implicated in these incidents.

 Camera pans over to a rather wide-eyed & puckered fellow.

  “Well... uh… In my defense… it’s been told to me recently that INflammable means flamable.” 

 And what compelled you to set the chemical drums on fire?

 “Well, uh… the instructions showed a big flame, so I figured I had to set it on fire then paint a line over the flame. Besides, the barrels were dumped all over the track field so I had to do something with them!”

  Hmm, yes. Reasonable.

 ... According to reports, some eighteen local athletes have died from the inferno.

 “Whoops!”

 But! As we say here! Good thing us Messupatamians reproduce like a termite colony! Back to Frank for the weather!

 Camera keeps rolling, clearly unmanned, as the two stare awkwardly forward. The second guy slowly turns to Widdy.

 “... so why do you keep holding your ear?”

   Gotta crayon wedged in there a while back. Startin’ ta hurt.

 “Ooh! Lemme get my pliers for that!”

 Camera falls over & cuts out. Cuts back to the studio & an intern at a desk nervously shuffling papers.

 “...Uhm… Frank choked to death on a chocolate mint I gave him. …kinda worried if that counts as murder.

 … Uh. Gonna go squint at the Sun and come back in a bit? Let you know about that weather?...”

 He leaves. Cue dead air as the camera slowly drifts to Frank’s blue face on the ground.