JaytheMeh 62 June 21, 2015 Share June 21, 2015 (edited) (short sad story) It was a normal sunny in ponyville. One mare was doing a little cleaning, her name was Holly. While Holly was cleaning she found a box with the words her on it. Holly realized it was her husband's hand writing. Possibly an affair? Holly had to find out so she opened the box and found pictures of a young mare a foal no less with note to go with and the note said, It's all my fault. I was busy doing something else that I, I think it's better if I just leave. I caused to munch trouble enough. I'm sorry si The note ends there. Holly's husband came in his name was Hard Hat. Holly puzzled asked Hard Hat about the note. Hard Hat looked at the note with a sad look. "Oh," Hard Hat said "Let me explain." "It was when I colt i had a sister, i always thought she was kinda annoying but i still always loved her. One day me and the family were camping and i was playing with my friends, she asked if she could play with us I told her to buzz off. That was a terrible mistake because she ended up playing in the forest. She was bit by a rattle snake luckly dad found her in time to get her to the hospital. At the i hospital i wasn't scared until." "My dad and mother came out of the room and my mother was in tears and father was trying to comfort her. I asked my dad what happened and it left me devastated. Apparently it was to late for my sister she wasn't to far from death she could die at any moment. I refused to believe this and went inside the room to see her wired up. She asked me if she was going to be okay. I lied and said yes you are. Then she smiled and said brother we'll play later will we? After that she shortly died and i have felt so terrible ever since." Holly asked "That's terrible, how did you get over it?" Hard Hat responded tearfully "I tell you. Every night I her say I thought we were going to play brother. I had thoughts of suicide at times, her blood is on my hands and i can never change that. And I still miss her to this day. But how i pulled through is that one night I had night I had a dream there was my sister she said don't be sad brother i with grandma now and soon one day we'll play together again. When I woke up I realized that my grandma have passed away, I believe my sister is happy in another place." Hard Hat looked up with tear rolling his cheeks as he said "I know she's happy somewhere and I'll be there with her." THE END~ Edited June 21, 2015 by JaytheMeh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pucksterv 4,508 June 21, 2015 Share June 21, 2015 Besides some grammar and spelling mistakes, it's a lovely story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaytheMeh 62 June 21, 2015 Author Share June 21, 2015 Besides some grammar and spelling mistakes, it's a lovely story I knew someone would say it was good but lovely? Huh didn't know I could do that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordSwinton 759 June 21, 2015 Share June 21, 2015 Could use with some punctuation and proof reading, quite a lot of 'missing' words. You should probably rearrange your sentences and their length for greater impact. Speech is confusing. Overall it seems short and very fast pace for what should be a touching story. I understand what you are trying to convey but I don't think you've manage to achieve the desired effect. Keep up the effort though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twilightfan28 52 July 10, 2015 Share July 10, 2015 Its a fanfic that has not yet reached its full potential, but can get there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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