Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Singe 2,111]

Gossiping pony: Have you heard about Rarity?

Gossiping pony: You mean the owner of those fashion boutiques who keeps around a pet dragon.

Gossiping pony: Well I heard that its more of a slave than a pet.

Gossiping pony: Oh my.

Gossiping pony: I always found it odd that she never found a special some pony. Now I understand why.

Press pony: Scandalous. Tell me more.

*Next morning Rarity reads news paper her and Spike controversial love affair.*

Rarity: What?!

Spike: If only it was true.

Edited November 5, 2018 by Singe

[The MegaBrony 219]

Twilight (to all secondary and background ponies): So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, six ponies wield the Elements of Harmony, because a bunch of ponies who lived thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful ponies. These six... (the ReManeing Six) are more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power.

Edited November 7, 2018 by The MegaBrony

[Singe 2,111]

Pinkie Pie: Eat my pie.

Rainbow Dash: No.

Pinkie Pie: Eat my pie! *Jumps Rainbow Dash shoving pie in RD's face.*

Spitfire: Hey! No hanky panky allowed in the quarters. Go take it out back behind the bleachers like every one else.

 

Rainbow Dash: Hey. I'm carb watching here.

 

Rarity: Spike will always adore me rather I'm a ton or a wrinkly old mess.

Spike: Eh, not really.

 

Rarity: I would like to have a special some pony. But my monthly colt magazine will suffice. *Opens centerfold and cat call whistles.*

 

Applejack: Applebloom! How could you and your friends beat up Babs?

Applebloom: Babs needed to learn the hard way that she was on our turf.

 

Rainbow Dash: I was almost in the Wonderbolts......until you five showed up and ruined it for me.

Twilight Sparkle: You didn't have to quit.

Rainbow Dash: It was a showboating bluff to make me save face. I was expecting her to come to me to ask me to stay, but she just told me bye.

Pinkie Pie: I'm sorry. I just wanted to see you.

Rainbow Dash: Of course it's always a crash course with you.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,870]

Shining Armor: Born in a world of Strife..... Against the odds...... We choose to FIGHT! BLOSSOM DANCE!

[Will Guide 21,360]

Kirin: Glad I got my voice back. Now, I can say things like (censored)

[Midnight Solace 5,132]

Fluttershy: Stupid Angel, eat your food! 

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: I'll open a school to teach friendship.

Starlight Glimmer: Or they could just read the book we put out last year.

Twilight Sparkle: I'll put together lesson plans.

Starlight Glimmer: Hello, we already have that book in circulation.

Twilight Sparkle: With me at the helm, I will help all ponies learn friendship.

Spike: What's Twilight talking about?

Starlight Glimmer: Twilight just going on about ponies can't read and need her to hold their hoof.

 

Rainbow Dash: Hey Fluttershy. Did you happen to have a package meant for me delivered to your place by mistake?

Fluttershy: Yes.

Rainbow Dash: Please tell me you didn't open it.

Fluttershy: I didn't, but Angel did.

Rainbow Dash: So you saw it?

Fluttershy: Yes.

Rainbow Dash: This is so embarrassing. Please don't let anyone else know I ordered one of those toys. If word got out, my life would be over.

Fluttershy: I promise not to tell anyone. 

Pinkie Pie: Better make it a Pinkie promise.

Fluttershy: Ah!

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie?!

Pinkie Pie: I'll also promise not to tell about it.

*Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle walk out from the shadows.*

Twilight Sparkle: We'll all promise not to tell anyone about that toy.

Rainbow Dash: *Gasp* How do all of you know about it?

Discord: I'll tell you why, because we were all over there for tea. By the way, if you ever need me to give that silly toy some improvements just give me a call.

Edited November 23, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Now back to My Little Pony Friendship Detective Derpy Murder Mysteries.

Detective Derpy: Care to tell us what happened.

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash was always the rebellious one and was ready to drop everything to go on tour with the Wonderbolts. I just wanted to stay but she kept trying to make me leave. So I didn't know what to do and I panicked.

Detective Derpy: That's when you saw the most heaviest trophy in her collection.

Twilight Sparkle: I used my magic to take hold of it and I cried the whole time through it all.

Detective Derpy: It wasn't a pretty scene and one can't always expect friendship to be the same. Alright boys take the princess away.

Edited November 25, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight has this problem of overreacting going from 0 to over 9000,

Starlight Glimmer: Stupid cockroach! I'll destroy this town to get rid of you!

 

Applejack: Wait so you'll ban Applebloom and her friends from the school for giving Cozy bad advice. Yet, Starlight Glimmer who messed with time and ran a cult is still walking around with us.

Twilight Sparkle: *Roll eyes.*

 

Rainbow Dash: Hold on, you'll punish them for making a mess of the room but Starlight Glimmer.

Twilight Sparkle: *Roll eyes.*

 

Pinkie Pie: If Cozy Glow is going to be sent to Tartarus for what she did. Then Starlight Glimmer who messed with time and nearly wiped out Equestria is still standing right here. 

Twilight Sparkle: Just drop it already!

[RDDash 19,189]

Lawyer: Ms Applejack I presume?

Applejack: Well, yes that's me 

Lawyer: Oh that's very good news, on behalf of my dear clients Flim and Flam brothers you and your family are to be put under the restraining order for harassing them on the hearth warming eve.

Applejack: What the hay? Princess Twilight will hear about that you hear me.

Lawyer: That reminds me, I do have infact have an appointment with Princess Twilight to issue yet another restraining order for the predatory harassment of my dear client's 'Friendship U' 

Edited November 25, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[Singe 2,111]

Neighsay: Remember when I said your school could doom Equestria. *Points at Cozy Glow.* Ha! I called it!

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, shut up!

[Luigi 7,870]

Easter Island Statue: HEY!!! DUM-DUM!!!!

Starlight Glimmer: Yes?

Easter Island Statue: YOU GIVE ME GUM-GUM!!!

Starlight Glimmer: I give you gum gum?

Easter Island Statue: YOU NEW DUM-DUM, YOU GIVE ME GUM-GUM!

Starlight Glimmer: Gee, uh, okay. You know what? I have no Gum-Gum, sorry! And my name isn't Dum-Dum! My name's Starlight Glimmer!

Easter Island Statue: Your name Glim-Glim.......

(Starlight hears screaming coming from a distance)

Easter Island Statue: Oh you in trouble, Glim-Glim. You better run-run!

(The Queen of Hearts appears and sees Starlight Glimmer)

Queen of Hearts: OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!!!!!!!

(Starlight runs off)

Easter Island Statue: See you later, Glim-Glim!

[Ashen Pathfinder 16,161]

Twilight: We must free Tirek; he's our only hope for friendship in this world!

----

Twilight: WE NEED CHAOS

Discord: No.

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: That's it! Everypony dies!

 

Cozy Glow: And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling creatures.

 

Applejack: I'm going to be honest, I don't know a damn thing.

 

Rarity: Fashion is my passion. The kind of passion where you just grab that hunk and......

Rainbow Dash: We get it, you're lonely.

 

Applejack: You know they'll stop calling you Rainbow Crash if you lay off the cider.

 

Cozy Glow: Starlight Glimmer, I saw some students going underground talking bad about equality and it's nothing more than a pipe dream. 

Starlight Glimmer: What? I'll have to set them straight.

 

Rainbow Dash: Knowing Fluttershy, her funeral arrangements would be handled by vultures.

Edited November 27, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,870]

Princess Celestia: I really can't believe I'm having to do this. After so many years at your position, you should know better. I need your badge and gun.

(Without saying a word, Twilight places her badge and gun on Celestia's desk amd leaves)

[Singe 2,111]

Maud Pie: I want to make a friend.

Pinkie Pie: A friend. Alright then I'll help anyway I can.

Maud Pie: *Looks at Starlight Glimmer.*

Pinkie Pie: No. No. No. No. No. Have some standards Maud.

 

Pinkie Pie: The next time Maud's boyfriend opens his mouth....I'm going to shove a sock down his throat until he chokes!

 

Starlight Glimmer: The table called for me to go to Canterlot.

Twilight Sparkle: Or maybe it's on the fritz again. You know it happens a lot.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I don't get it. Why does everyone keep their distance away from me? It's like they think I'm going to snap and disintegrate them.

 

Rarity: Would you believe I found the most wonderful fellow last night?

Twilight Sparkle: I know. Spike wouldn't stop crying all night.

 

Twilight Sparkle: There's something on the map but my flank isn't lighting up. Twilight smells. Who's been drawing on the map again?!

[Midnight Solace 5,132]

Prince Rutherford: Yaks worst. 

[CypherHoof 26,483]

10 hours ago, Midnight Solace said:

Prince Rutherford: Yaks worst. 

tsk. Ponies never understand yak! Spelling is "wurst"! )

[RDDash 19,189]

During the Royal Problem episode

Daybrakeaker enters the scene..

This Girl Is on Fire starts playing in the background

Celestia: Oh gosh me, I can't believe they are playing that pop song, it's so very embarrassing.

Edited November 29, 2018 by R.D.Dash

[Singe 2,111]

Rainbow Dash: Hey Scoots, what's up?

Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash. Wait, are you smoking?

Rainbow Dash: Sure am. It makes me look 20% cooler. I'd offer you one but I'm one of those responsible adults. 

Scootaloo: No, thanks. Aren't those bad for your lungs?

Rainbow Dash: That's just propaganda by ponies who want to make it illegal. My lungs are in....*Heavy coughing for 30 seconds.* Did you hear that? My lungs have power.

 

Twilight Sparkle: After I hatched the egg, I didn't become Celelstia's apprentice just yet. You see baby Spike had salmonella and no one told me he needed to be clean first. I made a huge mistake making physical contact with him and was bed ridden for a while.

 

Rarity: Twilight your dog Spike is very weird.

Twilight Sparkle: Just lie to Spike you already have a boyfriend.

Rarity: Fine, I'll give it a try. Oh Twilight, would you believe I have a boyfriend.

Twilight Sparkle: Really?

Rarity: He's very handsome and passionate. I let him do that baseball thing with the first base, second base, third base, and home run. Go team boyfriend.

Spike: *Walks away sadden.*

Rarity: It worked.

Twilight Sparkle: But now I'll have to deal with his crying when we get home.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike you need to wear this.

Spike: Is that a leash? Why?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes and because it's the law.

 

Applejack: I'm telling the honest truth.

Granny Smith: The only thing honest about you is being full of it.

 

Rara: *Singing* Equestria....Equestria!

Audience member: Boo! I came for Razzle Dazzle, not our national anthem!

 

Applejack: I'd like to introduced one my cousins, Apple Cider. He's the best cider maker in the family.

Rainbow Dash: Marry me.

 

[The MegaBrony 219]

Spike to Roc: Flock off, feather-face!

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: A certain blue haired pony loving sicko was looking for you.

Twilight Sparkle: Flash....wait.

Sunset Shimmer: I don't get it. It's not a problem for us.

Applejack: To us it is. We don't do romantic cross species relationships. It's even against the law to be in a loving relationship with an actual horse. Otherwise, Fluttershy would be walking around with a new animal boyfriend every day.

Fluttershy: It's true, I would.

 

Trixie: It seems we have a couple of neighsays here.

Neighsay: What do you want?

Trixie: I didn't call you.

Neighsay: You said my name in a badly grammar plural format. So why did you call me?

Trixie: I was just responding to the hecklers.

Neighsay: *Huff and walks away.* Ignorant fake magician calling my name and making me waste my time.

 

Rainbow Dash: I'm just waiting for the day when Rarity comes up with a fashion concept that someone else already beat her to it. The drama  will be amazing.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight, I've decided I need to send you on a journey. Which is why, you're going to Tartarus to reform the prisoners.

Starlight Glimmer: What? You're sending me to that *bleep* hole. Do they even feed the prisoners? Or at least clean them or their cages?

*Everyone looks at Celestia.*
Celestia: I don't know.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I'm opening the doors to Tartarus.

*Doors open releasing a rush of the most foulest air imaginable.*

Fluttershy: My word, it's horrible.

Applejack: I can hardly breath.

Rainbow Dash: This stench is going to be on me for a while.

Pinkie Pie: I think Rarity just died.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Spike today we are rearranging all the books.

Spike: Twilight, did you think maybe you might have a problem?

Twilight Sparkle: No and it has nothing to do with my brother obsession. Now stop trying to weasel out.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I made this spell so we can play our favorite game when we were young.

Sunburst: This spell is amazing. You could make a fortune off of older ponies able to relive their youth.

Starlight Glimmer: Screw this. Mama has a castle to buy.

Edited December 1, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: We're here to solve your friendship problem.

Pony: Friendship problem. Don't you have an actual job to do rather than making my problem be your personal diversion?

Twilight Sparkle: Personal diversion? Ha. You're funny.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack the element of honest.

Applejack: To be honest, I find all this friendship wild goose chase to be minuscule and a major waste of our time. We could be doing bigger and bolder productive things instead.

Twilight Sparkle: We'll just have to find Applejack a different element of harmony instead. I'm already despising this one.

 

Sunset Shimmer: I finally got your crown and I will take over this school.

Pinkie Pie: Hey that's not nice.

Sunset Shimmer: Nice. *Puts on crown and turns into a demon.* I'm *bleeping* evil!

 

Rainbow Dash: The best part of my prank rainbow cookies. Rainbow in and rainbow out for days.

Everyone else: Rainbow Dash!

Rainbow Dash: Hey, not my fault you all ate them to prank me back.

 

Flim: Applejack is trying to monopolize the cider market.

Flam: Why she's just as bad as those drug dealers.

Crowd: *Boos Applejack.*

Rainbow Dash: Boo! Boo!
Applejack: Oh, come on Rainbow Dash!

[RDDash 19,189]

Rainbow Dash: I am the fastest thing in the Equestria

Twilight Sparkle: No you are not. (Taps a hoof on the tail of a jet fighter)

Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah right...Hey! Since when we do have those?

Twilight Sparkle: Since when we do have rocket boosters powerful enough to launch a small little orange filly into orbit?

Rainbow Dash: Ahh...

Twilight Sparkle: Exactly.

[Singe 2,111]

Trixie: I want to try teleporting something.

Starlight Glimmer: Maybe not something that is living.

Trixie: Too late. *Blasts Spike.*

Starlight Glimmer: Ah! No. No. No. Why would you do that?! We have to find him before....

Discord: Excuse me Starlight. I believe this monstrosity mess I've found in my toilet belongs to Twilight.

Starlight Glimmer & Trixie: Ah!

 

Spike: Rarity I worked hard to get this ring. Will you marry me?

Rarity: Oh, how cute. Little Spikey is trying to propose to me with a toy ring in got out of his box of cereal.

Spike: You're not taking this seriously.

Rarity: Oh I just love playing pretend with you Spikey.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned the same thing again for the sixth time. *Sigh.*

 

Twilight Sparkle: If there are no friendship problems then I'll have to make one. *Pulls out a crowbar.*  All I need to do is help some poor unsuspecting pony to the hospital. Then I can visit them everyday until they recover. It'll sustain me with friendship material for weeks. Brilliant.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I've been wondering. Have you read anything other ponies have written about friendship?

Twilight Sparkle: No, because everything they write about psychology and social interaction comes from a bunch of quacks who don't know a single thing. I'm the only true expert and authority on friendship.