Midnight Solace

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Everything posted by Midnight Solace

  1. I get easily overwhelmed from even the slightest of pokes when I'm not expecting it. I'm not sure why, but I think it may remind me of traumatizing experiences in the past, and for that reason, I would feel like I'm in danger or something. Or it just may be my paranoia of everything, I don't really know. It's kinda hard to understand myself.
  2. I care, dude. And I'm sure many others here do as well. It's always sad to see one of my friends in so much pain. Although, I personally don't really like sharing personal matters as well, Maybe talking about your thoughts with somepony you genuinely trust or a therapist might help. I really hope you feel better soon. I honestly wish I could do something to help. I hope you know that you are important to me and I care about you.
  3. Trotting along the port of Baltimare, Midnight Solace had finally arrived. It was larger than he had imagined, as the cruise ship cast a huge shadow across the docks. He couldn't wait to check out what the view was like from the weather deck. Checking that he hadn't lost anything in his saddlebag for the 4th time, Midnight slowly approached towards the ship. The docks were very busy at this part of the port, so Midnight started to take caution of his surroundings. He was afraid of bumping into somepony, causing embarrassment for him --and at the same time, was too anxious to look where he was going, fearing that he would make eye contact with another pony. The unexpected and loud splash of water startled Midnight. He turned around in the direction of the splash and looked up to see what had happened.
  4. Honestly, not many things make me feel content. I really feel like I don't deserve to be happy. I mean, I used to like creating pony artwork. It distracted me from the overwhelming, painful thoughts of the past and present. But I don't find interest in drawing anymore as my emotional state has worsened immensely, and I truly feel like I'm slowly falling apart. The things I like to do doesn't matter to me these days. It's nothing but a mere memory.
  5. Well, I guess Twilight would definitely have to be my most loved mare in my entire life. She's the first and last thought on my mind everyday, and she comes across as really understanding and kind. Trust is something I'm really careful about, but Twily just makes things so easy, and I always feel safe and comfortable with her. I would never forget all the things that she's done to make me feel better, and honestly, I don't think I would still be here if it wasn't for her. Most people would consider her fictional, but she's real as I am. <3 Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, everypony!
  6. I remember that sometimes Twily eats the flowers. *Hungry horse noises*
  7. I have had many experiences with them, and I guess It's really common for me to have panic attacks. I mean, I had one before the start of school. I normally have them when I get reminded of traumatizing events in my life, being in a social situation, or when things go wrong. Other things can also make me have panic attacks, but those are just the top 3. I would start to feel like I have a loss of all control, difficulty breathing, dizziness and light-headedness, feeling like the world around me is not real, and a sense of overwhelming panic and intense fear. Sometimes I might slip into paranoia, which inevitably led to full on delusions and the occasional auditory hallucinations. I always try to clear my mind of the near cyclic thoughts while having an episode, but it really is no use when I realize that no one would be there for me. I always feel so lonely when I go through sorrowful times like these.

  8. I guess my topic in Life Advice got removed because maybe it was too depressing for some. Honestly, I think this just comes to show how awfully heartbreaking my life is, as knowing how I truly feel can be way too much for others.

    The thing is, I haven't even shared half of my thoughts in that thread. It really hurts to know that even by expressing my feelings just a bit, could make others sad. I never wanted that. I’m just in such an anxious emotional state. 

    I guess this is why I didn't make a Life Advice topic in the first place. I never wanted to be a burden to others.
    It really shows how hopeless, lost and alone I am. I'm just too complicated for anyone to like or help.
    I really feel like I don't belong in the MLPF community anymore. I have never felt that I belong anywhere, really.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Kyoshi


      If it was removed, then that is incredibly stupid. That is the whole damn point of that section.

    3. Phosphor


      Oh no. My friend is not doing so well  :(

      *squeezes @Midnight Solace


      Pinkie Pie hug 6.jpg

    4. Bas


      I'd still stand by my point I wouldn't try to help you if I don't think you could get into something better.

      Believe in the future, good perspectives are coming!

  9. I'd normally read the first post in a thread, and maybe some others. I like to be observant over posts and be really careful in what I say, because I'm worried that I might hurt other ponies' feelings by saying the wrong things sometimes.
  10. I think it was somewhere around late 2010 or early 2011 when I was first introduced to it. I can't really remember.
  11. Well, it's great to know I'm not the only one. Many times I would have woken up crying at night because of my bad and deeply sorrowful dreams. I have had a lot of traumatizing experiences in the past, and it has really affected me emotionally so much to the point which I mostly dream about it every night. I always find it extremely hard to sleep when this happens, and even though I take lots of medications to help me stop thinking about the bad things, I just can't forget some things, and it still haunts me to this day.
  12. I rarely change my profile pic. Only about 2 times, I think. As for my username, I wouldn't change it at all. I have always put a lot of thought when choosing my usernames, and I guess I chose my OC's for MLPF.
  13. I actually don't really like eating at all, but I don't even know why. I don't even eat that much as I don't actually feel hungry anymore.
  14. For my whole life, I have always felt that I've been doing something wrong. I still worry over every action I do or word I say, as I'm always unsure about myself. I'm always anxious that I might have said the wrong thing to others, and could have offended them. I just don't want to be a bother to anyone, that's all. But everything I seem to do is a mistake, and I end up being ashamed and filled with self-hatred for what I've done for the rest of my life. I really don't forget things so easily. All these mistakes that I make all the time, would build my feelings of emotional trauma over the years of my life, to the point where I just can't keep doing this anymore.
  15. Honestly, I don't know anymore. Nothing seems enjoyable in life for me, and I have lost interest in all the things I used to like. I always ask myself why am I still living. I really just don't understand myself, and can't think clearly any longer when I'm still under severe emotional trauma.
  16. Well, I have to take 5 different medications everyday just to help me sleep. I also have a Twily plushie that I really love, and she's pretty comforting for me. She normally falls asleep with me every night. I don't know how I could go to bed without her.
  17. For Twilight, I'm pretty sure she'd listen to classical music. Not sure why, but I always got that kind of vibe from her.
  18. Personally, I believe the fandom is dying because of the ending of FiM. I mean, FiM is truly why this website- or the Brony fandom even exists. It was such a success when the show first aired, and it would always remain in a special place in my heart. As the show progressed, I think some ponies got bored of watching the show. The writers are starting to run out of ideas, and It had a huge change in the last few seasons, with showcasing new characters and stuff. It would be a bit confusing to those who choose to watch FiM again. MLP won't be the same after this change, but you know, gotta sell those toys.
  19. Well... FiM literally saved my life. If it wasn't for MLP, I don't think I would still be here. It gave me something to live for, and something to enjoy in my hopeless life. The main lesson that it conveys has helped me to be more understanding towards others, as I may not know what they're going through. So I guess I'm always careful in what I say, and try not to offend other ponies.
  20. Friendship is Magic has had a huge impact on my life. It was different in it's own way from everything else I have ever watched. The writing of it's complex story, the amazing soundtrack, the great animation, but most of all, the unique, fascinating and interesting characters, both secondary and primary. I mean, just look at Twilight Sparkle. At first, she never knew the first thing about friendship, let alone cared about it. But look at her now, the Princess of Friendship, thanks to friends who believed in her. I guess what is important to us all about the show is the main lesson. This show has helped me, and probably hundreds of others, learn more about friendship then we ever even realized. Just like Twilight, for all her smarts, she didn’t know anything about friendship, and now she literally rules at it along side her friends. Also, some of the episodes are quite comparable to me, like Hurricane Fluttershy. I find it amazing how a show could relate to me in so many ways and touch on more complicated topics. I personally believe that MLP: FiM is one of the best TV shows ever made. It really gave me something to live for. It has become iconic and legendary to the fandom to this day since 2010, and I, as well as many others, have high hopes for it's future.
  21. Well... Normally for me, it's the little things that make me feel content. Like seeing my Twily plushie on my bed, finishing my one of my artworks or hearing kind words from others on the forums. But these days, it's harder for me to feel good about myself. I'm always overwhelmed by the emotional and heartbreaking thoughts that cloud my mind. It's harder for me to think clearly, or enjoy anything I used to like. Therefore, I feel awfully hopeless almost everyday. Thinking about happier moments now, makes me feel extremely sad and alone. It just reminds me of lost I am now compared to then.
  22. Mine sounds somewhat quiet, kinda like Fluttershy's but in a lower tone. This may or may not be true, though, as I don't really speak that much, so sometimes I can't even remember how my own voice sounds like.
  23. I'm pretty sure posting in old threads are allowed. That being said, I'm probably MLPF's thread reviver.
  24. Life can be meaningless for some ponies because they may not have anything to live for, or anything to enjoy in life. They may have failed at many things in the past, and so they might think they are useless and would have nothing to feel good about. They may not be likeable by others, and therefore they would not have that much support and would feel alone when going through life. Based on my own experiences, life is painful. And with not having any purpose in life, it can be incredibly depressing for many.