My First Attempt at Making Music

[StephenP 106]

I'm rather interested in the lore of Five Nights at Freddy's 3. When the third game came out, I went and wrote a song for it. I was mainly inspired by MandoPony and his astonishing work.

The song is called Hear My Calls. It revolves around the old theory that the purple man is the Phone Guy. And as you probably know, the main antagonist is the Purple Man inside a malfunctioned springlock animatronic suit. The song is literally just Springtrap telling the guard that he used to guide him (As, again, Phone Guy), but now he is royally screwed.
The chorus and voice near the end was done by good friends of mine, and the rapping was done by me.

https://soundcloud.com/stephen-patitucci-1/hear-my-calls

I'd just like some critiques--it's my first attempt at a full original song and I want to know what I can do to improve. c:

Edited August 17, 2015 by StephenP

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Hi @StephenP,

 

Just letting you know that since your thread is sharing non-pony fan music made by you, I will be moving it to Non-Pony Artwork.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Holy crap! For your first, it really good. 

 

But, sadly...those effects heard at the first part, really don't go so well. They clash like crazy with the rhythm. 

 

Plus, you stuck to the tonic of e minor the whole song through, which is a no-no sadly. 

 

I suggest you work on some progressions. Here's what I suggest

 

i-VII-VI-VI-iv-i-iv-V

 

i-ii-III-VII-VI-iv-V-V

 

i-VI-i-V-iv-VI-i-V

 

Try playing these and see what you think. 

 

All in all, very good effort. 

 

6/10

Edited August 17, 2015 by C. Thunder Dash

[StephenP 106]

Holy crap! For your first, it really good. 

 

But, sadly...those effects heard at the first part, really don't go so well. They clash like crazy with the rhythm. 

 

Plus, you stuck to the tonic of e minor the whole song through, which is a no-no sadly. 

 

I suggest you work on some progressions. Here's what I suggest

 

i-VII-VI-VI-iv-i-iv-V

 

i-ii-III-VII-VI-iv-V-V

 

i-VI-i-V-iv-VI-i-V

 

Try playing these and see what you think. 

 

All in all, very good effort. 

 

6/10

I have no idea what that is. I can't even read sheet music, I do it all by ear xP

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

I have no idea what that is. I can't even read sheet music, I do it all by ear xP

 

I can help you understand all of this. Btw sorry for the late reply.